I... I have been doing alot of thinking lately... But I can't make heads or tails of it. I have a blog, www.thegeminiengine.org and I read it myself and I can't figure out yet what I am going towards. Any thoughts?
I think depression is different for many people. I can understand what you mean when you say that you believe depression is when you do not know where are you going, but I can also vouch for the fact that it can also be when you feel useless.
For me it is both. I feel useless and have no idea of where my life is headed, and thus I feel depressed. For others it may be more one or more the other or something entirely different. Some people don't feel useless, know where they are in life and still feel depressed. It's complicated. Anything to do with the mind is.
As for the rest of what you said.. I don't know who Paul is, but it sounds as though you could benefit greatly from seeing a psychologist/therapist and getting some of this stuff out in the open. I'm not sure if you are required to inform your boss, but if so, why not just be honest? Tell her you're going through a bad patch and feel you could benefit from some one-on-one help from a professional.
Not sure if this was even the kind of response you were looking for but those are my thoughts.
P.S. I liked your entry about society. I agree wholeheartedly.