Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Kinghamster, Oct 5, 2012.

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  1. Kinghamster

    Kinghamster New Member

    Hi I'm a 21 year old from a little town in wales. I have been suffering with suicidal thoughts since I was 17. I have never been sure what has triggered it but ever since my life has been one big lie. I lie to my family and friends everyday. I recently lost the most special person in my life. I could tell her any thing and she never judged me or called me stupid. I have so much love for her and she told me she felt the same and then left me just like most people that come into my life. I have every job and most of my friends from having these thoughts. I wouldn't say i have had a bad life. I know im only young and people tell me all the time to think about how everyone else would feel if i was gone. But what about the way i feel? why should i continue this lie? I have never asked for answers because I know i will never get them. There is no right or wrong answer to the way someone feels. I just felt like i had to get this out.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear you lost such an important person to you, as you mentioned in your post though there is no right or wrong answer to the way somebody feels and it is not always somebodies fault either- sometimes it is just a turn of life events.
    I do not think you should necessarily continue trying to live a lie as you put - you have every right to be your own person and not to pretend to be somebody else for the sake of others - I am guessing as you said "since I was 17" that you are now an adult - which means you can and should be living your life for yourself at this point, not for the benefit of others. There is no reason for you to choose between living a lie or not living , simply choose to not try to be somebody different than who you are. You have every right to feel as you feel, but you owe it to yourself to try to change things before taking such a dramatic approach to making things different- there is a lot of middle ground between the two to discover and explore.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. Kinghamster

    Kinghamster New Member

    Thanks for your reply Ben. I think i forgot to mention in my little story that all i want to do is be gone from this world. I feel so much hate and am so consumed on getting revenge on the people that have hurt me that i have no life. I have seen numerous doctors about all my issuse and they dont have an answer for any of it. Sometimes i think they think im lying about what is inside. If i really had what i wanted i would leave this world right now but the thought of what it would do to my close family stops me. I dont know how much longer it is going to stop me though.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs toyou hun your rrevenge for the people who harm you is to LIVE hun find a life of your own and move on ok Don't let these people have any more power over you You hold on to the ones that do love you hun and you grow from that love ok hugs
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