anti-climax ?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Cariad_Bach, May 4, 2012.

  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    Have you ever gathered the courage to actively Tell someone about how you feel / what you do to yourself?

    I took a step yesterday and told my bf I need more support. I told him about my last attempt (two weeks ago) and about the fact that I started SH-ing regulalrly again six weeks ago. What a scary thing to do! I've never 'told' anyone before. Not in real life. I've answered questions when its been spotted, and sometimes when I feel good I'll talk about it like it was years ago (makes it easier to admit and, for the person I'm telling to listen to, I think).

    Just before I told him, he did say that he wasn't easily shocked, and if he was he certainly didn't show it. He didn't even ask me any questions about it at all.

    When I told him that I had attempted recently, he just said that he could understand why it was stressful, but that it is harder to get sectioned than you'd think (he has a lot of experience with mental illness through his mother I believe). I wasn't really worried about being sectioned, but somehow it made it easier to tell him if I pretended I did. No idea why, just a convenient 'in' - "that time I freaked out, it was because I thought they were going to put me away...". Then that was it; I volunteered no more information about it and he didn't ask.

    A bit later on, I wanted to tell him the rest, and his reaction was similar: he said that SH-ing is not good, but not the end of the world. I'm surprised with how accepting he was, and how little he asked me to talk about it. Which is ironic, when you think that I was afraid to tell him in case he freaked out.

    Did I want him to freak out? I don't think so. I know that one of the things I like most about him is how matter-of-fact he is, and how even if I'm being all crazy, his voice is always calm and rational.

    I remember once a friend telling me that he was almost disappointed when he came out as gay, because it felt like a massive deal to him and his parents just shrugged and accepted it. He laughed as he told me it was an anti-climax after months of worrying about what he was going through. I guess its a similar thing? Anyone else feel like this?

    Is this it now, its out and he knows and so I don't have to fret over it anymore? Its odd that I feel that I was right to tell him, but I don't feel better yet...
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2012
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    It takes time to process maybe? He sounds like a 'thinker'.
    But well done. I know its very hard to do, and this is a big step.

    You will not feel 'better' as such, I think that you will slowly notice that having someone in your real life who knows will reduce pressure on you.
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Cariad Bach -

    I think you were very brave for doing this, very brave. And an anti-climax is such a better feeling than one of fear or regret or having another's view imposed on you. It will help, give it time. :hug:
  4. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    I also think this is prolly a good case of reaction. In my case for example, i was dead terrified of going home the day i knew my parents had found out. I was expecting about the same as u, but at first they didnt even say anything, and then one first, the other after, they came to talk to me, and they were so calm and accepting (and shared of their lives as well) that i was completely dumbfounded. That was something i absolutely didnt even dream of happening, and i did at first feel a little unreal about it, as in whether the depth of it really got to them, but as time passed, i feel now that it's the best case that cud've happened, and i'm glad it went that way. Silent acceptance and support is by far the most effective method i kno of. And p.s. as far as i kno, not showing such a flashy reaction doesnt indicate that the person cares any less. It just means they can keep a calm head about it. Freaking out won't help anything really (stating the obvious lol).

    Best wishes,
  5. Degenerate Escapist

    Degenerate Escapist Well-Known Member

    You really have a good man. I don't know what kind of support you were expecting, but I think he understands, accepts, and cares about you. If there's something more that would make you feel better don't be afraid to voice it.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 20, 2012