anti-depressants and suicidal acts (not thoughts)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by worlds edge, Mar 9, 2009.

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  1. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Not that I'm in any immediate "danger," but after ten days on an anti-depressant I want to jot down a few thoughts on the board and see what others think.

    First, I suppose I should briefly give a chronology of events:

    1. Started a 50 mg dose of Pristiq on the morning of 02/27.
    2. The initial effects were quite drastic: euphoria, sweats, insomnia, loss of appetite (to the bad) and a startling increase in both energy and optimism (presumably to the good) - all within 24 hours
    3. The above continued for several days, with addition of jaw clenching, restlessness and loose stool.
    4. Along about the following Wednesday/Thursday (call it 03/04), the side effects slowly started dropping away, to the point where all I have is occasional restlessness and very occasional sweats. I also "crashed" in the sense that I slept at one point for about 14 hours straight, but after that seem to have returned to a somewhat normal sleep pattern.
    5. However, with the euphoria also seemed to go the optimism, in the same time frame.
    6. So as of this moment, what I seem to have is a higher level of energy but with the same outlook on life as before.

    What is kind of intriguing is that I might now be willing to act where before I simply would not have had the energy to do so. I've made no definite plans that would hit upon methods, but I'm now at a point where I feel might start. Before I don't think I could have seriously formulated a plan, as much as I might have thought I could...I just didn't have the energy. But I do have the same sense of disgust and nausea at my existence that I did before.

    Anyone else had an experience like this? I can't imagine something like this was on anyone's mind when the medication was prescribed.

    Note: I was unsure if this post belonged in the suicide forum or the medications forum. Please move there if appropriate.
     
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    This is entirely common... Well, you had some rather severe startup effects, but the rest is quite familiar to me from every time I've gone back on them. The closest I've ever gotten to suicide was about a week after going back on them most recently. Higher energy, but no happier... that's definitely the case for most of us. However, the higher energy will soon allow you to possibly do things to improve your life... That's the big unknown.
     
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Yes i know this feeling
    during the years i have my bipolarity issues
    i tasted lots of very strong drugs that resulted in the things you mantioned
    the problem is that with bipolarity it somewhat diffrent, anyways to the point..

    While we are depressed and lack of energy and motivation, we live a very
    simple life, we eat, we sleep, surf the internet, etc
    now when we feel somewhat better and more motivated, we suddnly
    start noticing that in fact we dont know how to live at all
    we dont have the habbits others have (like to wake up early, to work, etc)
    and we dont know how to live overall, i found myself many times in a situation
    where i just didnt knew what to do next, job is not everything
    so ok i found a job, now what? appartmant? ok got one, now what?
    and so on, i dont know about others but as for me it came to the point
    where i live not as my own life but the lifes of others, i take examples
    i copy others, i take things i like from others and apply them to myself
    but some things i cant take from others, and that is i dont know how
    to deal with stress, strong emotions, and so on, which results in failing
    and then its like "my meds dont work so i dont want to take them" and im back to stage 1
     
  4. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    Summer.Rain thank you so much for your post. It made things so much clearer for me. I've been on some ADs for a month now and stil fall down, just as you said I don't know how to live and of course don't know how to deal with strong emotions and stress.
     
  5. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Actually, the euphoria was kind of fun. :unsure: Though I admit the other stuff wasn't. Particularly the jaw grinding, since I've got a pretty severe uncorrected overbite. My teeth don't fit together very well, so I was quite sore.

    I was wondering about this. Don't know that I exactly expected my life to become a Tony Robbins infomercial, but it seems odd that I've got energy to act and still have the inclination to do so.

    Indeed it is. In my case it would require a sort of metaphorical suicide to pull this off. There'd be the same body, but an entirely different person would be inhabiting it.

    Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate it.
     
  6. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Yes, I don't think I've got BPD.

    This wasn't the case for me in the past, though I guess it has been for about a year. Once upon a time I did go to work, did have a decent if not spectacular work ethic, dealt tolerably well with stress, etc. I'll think over what you're saying and see if they tie into what I think my situation is.

    ..and thanks for taking the time to respond. I know it was kind of a weird request, so perhaps I didn't phrase the question as well as I should have. :unsure:
     
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I'm actually going on my meds again after a break... I don't know how long I was off... I don't know whether I'll be dealing with starting-up effects again. The last time I went back on them after a break, I was frighteningly close to suicide. I felt the impulse so strong... I'm scared of the days ahead.
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    The energy to formulate and carry out suicidal plans often increase when on antidepressants. That is one reason why it is important to let your doctor know when the increase in thoughts occur. Besides having the energy to actually go through with it, I don't know what causes the change. The best thing for you to do is take precaustions against acting on impulse. Build in safety measures. Add distractions for those times. Please do what you can to stay safe. :hug:
     
  9. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Certainly seems to in my case, though I don't think the impulses themselves have increased.

    Well, thus far I've out and out lied to (in no particular order):

    • My wife - I've told her I'm depressed but not suicidal
    • Couples therapist - same as above, but she insisted I go see a social worker (LICSW) anyway
    • therapist - him I've gotten the closest to the truth to; that I might if I did not have family constraining me
    • psychiatrist - something close to the therapist, though I'm not so sure what he heard and did not; seemed much more interested in my medical problems, since hypothyroidism apparently can have a severe impact on the efficacy of the drugs

    In the past I've kind of misled by silence, and wish I could get back to that. Active lying is hard work, I've found. Certainly out of character for me.

    And my whole existence is one attempt after another at finding distractions. :tongue:
     
  10. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hypothyroidism could actually be the cause of your depression. Have you actually been diagnosed with it or is the psychiatrist only testing for it? If you were diagnosed with it, that is good news, because the depression your experiencing may only be temporary. Suicidal thoughts is definitely one of the side-affects of anti-depressants and it can be quite dangerous, so I would talk to the psychiatrist about it for sure. But do whatever you need to to stay safe, because hypothyroidism can be controlled with medication and once that is under control, your depression will begin to fade.

    Take Care and keep us updated!
     
  11. helen345

    helen345 Member

    Hi there,

    I haven't had the same experiences but in the past I have taken two different types of SSRI's and attempted suicide while taking both of them.
    The first was Citolapram (Cipramil in UK or Celexa in the US). I'd been taking it for about 6 months when I tried to cut my wrists.
    And Fluxoxetine (Prozac), I'd been taking that for 9 months when I tried drowning myself.
    Obviously I think they're a load of bollocks and I'm not taking them now. I thought what's the point if I still try and kill myself while taking them? Obviously it might feel different if you're bipolar but just thought you'd find it interesting.
     
  12. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I have a shrink trying to push anti-depresants on me, It is not going to change anything, it won't bring my daughter back. I am too busy in my life to set aside time to deal with side effects.
     
  13. Aleth

    Aleth Well-Known Member

    I saw some psychs last October, very briefly. They wanted to put me on anti-depressants, but because the meds can (initially) make a very suicidal person more likely to suicide they insisted I be checked into a psych ward before they began with the prescription. Anyway, I declined their offer and quit.

    So, yes, you are right. The initial changes in mood in the first four to six weeks can make you more determinedly suicidal.

    Are they actually monitoring you? Or did the doctor just prescribe . . . "come back and see me in two weeks" . . . sort of thing?
     
  14. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    I suffer from something called Hashimoto's Disease, and take a drug called Levothyroxine to control the condition. It is a condition of fairly long standing by now for me, though my numbers have recently gone completely out of out whack, and my dosage has been bumped up.

    Well, we'll see. I'm starting to suspect what I've got is an issue of mindset more than a hormonal or chemical imbalance. And if so, the question then is to what extent I'm all that interested in trying to change this.

    Thanks for your kind thoughts, and I'll see what I can or feel like doing in this area.
     
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