anxiety is driving me nuts!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by alison, Nov 22, 2010.

  1. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I've been so anxious since ~ wednesday of this past week. I know what the trigger is, but my fears are completely unjustified.. what is going on does not merit this kind of response.

    But while my brain knows this, my body is freaking out.

    I've felt so sick & dizzy & nauseous, especially when I'm thinking about it. My vision keeps tunneling and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm completely non-functional. Simple tasks like getting myself dressed for the day just aren't happening. I was supposed to do a few things for friends this weekend, but I completely flaked out. I turned my phone off and essentially stood them up. I hate myself for being so powerless and unable to even let them know or make up some lame 'sick' excuse.

    I've been staying up all night and sleeping all day. I've been taking all these pills that I shouldn't and self injuring constantly. All my efforts to stop binging and purging have gone completely through the window, these past few days have been mostly consumed by eating and throwing up food.

    I just wish it would go away. I fear that I really can't get through this. I don't want to die so I don't think I'm suicidal, but at the same time, I'm really afraid of living.. which makes me want to kill myself. It's different, but I guess it gives the same urges and ideations.

    I have therapy on tuesday. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself until then. I'm scared I don't know how to fill the time.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Phone therapist today okay see can get in earlier or at least let know how you are doing. You need to get outside okay get some air get out of that room you are in. Time to reach out for help NOW okay to get this under control again. Let us know how you are doing okay Please get some support in place for you
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Also has medication been prescribed for your anxiety? I used to be a prisoner of mine and found meds have been very helpful...please continue to post and let us know how Tuesday goes...J
  4. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys.

    I actually correspond with my therapist over email, so she had written to me asking about how I was doing with leaving the house (i've been pretty housebound lately with my anxiety), and I wrote her back telling her about how my anxiety was out of control. I didn't tell her about suicidal ideation or self injury or eatign disordered behaviors or anything like that, just that my anxiety was really bad. I know I always read way too much into her emails but I felt really invalidated by her response and now I'm afraid to see her. I know I'm being paranoid but I don't think she likes me anymore. I don't know what to do, its terrifying.

    Although, today was better. Granted, I spent almost the whole day in my bedroom.. but I didn't self injure or throw up so.. improvement?

    I'm actually supposed to be on a few meds, but I've been off them for a little over a month now. I keep forgetting to take them, and then I'm embarrassed that I haven't taken them so I lie to my psych/therapist. My scripts are automatically refilled at my pharmacist, but I'm too embarrassed to go now since its been so long. I don't know, my brain isn't working anymore.