I've been so anxious since ~ wednesday of this past week. I know what the trigger is, but my fears are completely unjustified.. what is going on does not merit this kind of response. But while my brain knows this, my body is freaking out. I've felt so sick & dizzy & nauseous, especially when I'm thinking about it. My vision keeps tunneling and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm completely non-functional. Simple tasks like getting myself dressed for the day just aren't happening. I was supposed to do a few things for friends this weekend, but I completely flaked out. I turned my phone off and essentially stood them up. I hate myself for being so powerless and unable to even let them know or make up some lame 'sick' excuse. I've been staying up all night and sleeping all day. I've been taking all these pills that I shouldn't and self injuring constantly. All my efforts to stop binging and purging have gone completely through the window, these past few days have been mostly consumed by eating and throwing up food. I just wish it would go away. I fear that I really can't get through this. I don't want to die so I don't think I'm suicidal, but at the same time, I'm really afraid of living.. which makes me want to kill myself. It's different, but I guess it gives the same urges and ideations. I have therapy on tuesday. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself until then. I'm scared I don't know how to fill the time.