Some of you already know that i've been in a really dark place for some time now, I just had a strange visit to my home last week from my state insurance, it was a "care coordinator" supposably she was just here to talk about some "new" programs they have to help with my medical issues, we briefly talked about my needing a new wheelchair ramp from my front door, she did ask about other things; like if i needed assistance with dressing or cooking/bathing, but then things quickly turned to some forms she had that were full of questions such as my mood, and if i was depressed, she asked about my sleeping patterns and so on.
I realized that this was a mental health questionnaire, the questions continued to include if i had thoughts of suicide, i've been dealing with those kind of thoughts for almost 2 years now, so i was honest with her and said yes that i was having thoughts of suicide and dying almost everyday, she went on asking if i had a plan, at this point i kind of felt a sigh of relief, that maybe it was finally over, i was honest with her question and said that yes i had thought of a couple ways that i could do it.
she then asked me if i would be willing to talk with someone from their mental health team, i said yes and she had me initial the treatment plans, i did and she said that she wasn't sure of their schedule but they would be contacting me, it was at this point that my wife said the sooner the better. so now i'm thinking that maybe my wife had something to do with this visit.
Either way, i'm not happy about it, but i am kinda relieved that it's out in the open, i am having alot of anxiety about the pending contact with the mental health team, I know if i am ever going to be over this i need to open up about my thoughts and the way i feel, but i just know from past experiences that my thoughts are not normal, they are actually quite intense in nature, i am pretty sure that by the end of my meeting with the mental health team that they are going to want me to go to the hospital, and here in my state the mental health commitment laws can be very long, up to 180 days.
I'm wondering will they automatically put me on a detention hold or will i have the opportunity to go voluntary? I haven't had much sleep since Thursday when she was here, maybe 7 or 8 hrs at most. i can't think straight, my mind is racing with all kinds of bad thoughts, my urge to self harm is very high right now, i'm doing my best not too, because i'm sure they'll be checking for that too. i'm just a nervous wreck right now, can't sleep, not eating much and my mind won't slow down, i'm just so confused and feel lost.
I know i didn't really ask much in my questions, but i welcome any comments and or advice you may have.
I realized that this was a mental health questionnaire, the questions continued to include if i had thoughts of suicide, i've been dealing with those kind of thoughts for almost 2 years now, so i was honest with her and said yes that i was having thoughts of suicide and dying almost everyday, she went on asking if i had a plan, at this point i kind of felt a sigh of relief, that maybe it was finally over, i was honest with her question and said that yes i had thought of a couple ways that i could do it.
she then asked me if i would be willing to talk with someone from their mental health team, i said yes and she had me initial the treatment plans, i did and she said that she wasn't sure of their schedule but they would be contacting me, it was at this point that my wife said the sooner the better. so now i'm thinking that maybe my wife had something to do with this visit.
Either way, i'm not happy about it, but i am kinda relieved that it's out in the open, i am having alot of anxiety about the pending contact with the mental health team, I know if i am ever going to be over this i need to open up about my thoughts and the way i feel, but i just know from past experiences that my thoughts are not normal, they are actually quite intense in nature, i am pretty sure that by the end of my meeting with the mental health team that they are going to want me to go to the hospital, and here in my state the mental health commitment laws can be very long, up to 180 days.
I'm wondering will they automatically put me on a detention hold or will i have the opportunity to go voluntary? I haven't had much sleep since Thursday when she was here, maybe 7 or 8 hrs at most. i can't think straight, my mind is racing with all kinds of bad thoughts, my urge to self harm is very high right now, i'm doing my best not too, because i'm sure they'll be checking for that too. i'm just a nervous wreck right now, can't sleep, not eating much and my mind won't slow down, i'm just so confused and feel lost.
I know i didn't really ask much in my questions, but i welcome any comments and or advice you may have.
