I have had time to think about what happened the other night. Everytime I look at my arm I feel sick and disgusted at myself but at the same time it reminds me of the relief I felt while I was sat on the toilet floor at the hospital trying to kill myself by cutting my arm. Just thinking about the blood and relief makes me want to do it again. It felt so good. So I now have stitches in my arm and it is bandaged up. I told everyone who i know that i fel on to dishwasher and knife sliced open my arm. What they dont know is that I kept pressing harder and harder hoping i would find an artery. I was taken to the hospital as of an overdose i had taken. I was frustrated that what I took didnt have any effect. The paramedic left me in a public area and i started having bit of a panic attack. I din;t think anyone saw me go. I was in toilet and after about 10minutes someone was knocking at door. I said i was fine but they opened door anyway. I only agreed to go with the nurse on basis that I didnt have to sit with everyone else as was getting really paranoid about it. Anyway that is what happened, a medical dr saw me asked if was an attempt to kill my self, i said yes. He asked if it would happen again... i said well i didnt really answer it as i was angry. I just said that if I say no it prob wouldnt be being honest but I wasnt going to say yes as i didnt wanna be in hospital under MHA. So he said i was playing games etc. He asked if i still felt suicidal and I said yeh and then he asked if they let me go home would i do anything, i didnt say yes and i didnt saiy no. I just said that I didn'thave the means to do anything at home! So he stitched my arm and off I went. So I am still feeling really wound up, really anxious and so down at the same time. I dont really know what to do!