Anxious

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by black_rose_99, Jan 8, 2011.

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  1. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I'm out at a friends birthday... He has been so supportive of my depression and self harm... But I'd rather be anywhere else... I don't know anyone here, I'm stuck in a corner by myself trying to make myself disappear... I don't know how to get home... I have nothing with me only a nice long nail that I'm trying to release the tension with... And yet this is all better than being at home... I'm anxious... So alone in a room full of people... I want to disappear
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sorry i'm just seeing this now. how do you feel? did you get home okay?
    i know that feeling of being alone with a bunch of friends... i felt that way on friday night too. i couldn't wait to get home and cut. luckily by the time i got home i was too tired adn the urge passed. hang in there.
     
  3. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Hi dazzle, thanks for your reply. I am feeling really low still. I did get home okay, but I feel guilty now for not wanting to be there - the birthday boy ended up having three phone calls that day - one to confirm a friends death, another to confirm a friends heart attack and DOA at the hospital, and a third to tell him another of his friends had suicided. Some birthday! I thought mine was bad, but I don't think I could have survived a birthday like his.

    By the end of the night he was distraught. We sat outside for ages talking in the freezing cold, but I felt guilty and useless - I couldn't think of anything that might help to say or do, and I was also honestly thinking in my head that I wasn't quite strong enough to support him. I did my best, and at the end of the night I was emotionally wrecked so no cutting.

    I've just freaked myself out that my newest cuts are going to scar so having slight panic about that too. Seems so pointless to cut because I feel bad about things happening, and then having to remember those things happening by looking at the cuts and scars.

    Thank you for hearing me :)
     
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