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would be nice to talk to fellow adult male survivors of sexual abuse. I was sexually molested by a male relative over a long period of time, from age 5 to 9. I was also gang-raped twice in junior-high by 3 adult males. I know it's hard for men to talk about this.
I am a middle aged female, never molested or abused in childhood, but wanted to send you hugs and comfort:hug: :flowers: :hug: as I know that it IS harder for males to talk about being sexually abused and such. There is still that "macho stigma" to it, as if just being male means you can defend yourself, not let it happen to you, and that's just not true.:sad:
I was when I was 8. I have no idea what word you could possibly use for it though. It was trickery, and it was rape, but it was also unconditional love cause he was a friends dad so i had him as a bit of a father figure (i don't like my dad.. i dont care for that whole "but his your dad" bollocks, he was never a dad to me, and even if he was he's still just a person). So I dunno. I mean I tried to get away, and when he finally got off me, I ran for the hills but maybe I feel as if I was asking for it. Like my being there was a seduction all on its own. Or maybe it was just a bad time in his existence and I was vulnerable enough.
I suppose you could say i've had a little more "practice" at talking about it
I edited to ask also, is a couple of months off 18 matteral cause of the subject? I didnt read it clear as day as I could
I went through a period where I was gonna rape, torture, mutilate, and kill the bastards that fucked me up the ass all those times, but it would be like having my life screwed up yet again. the fuckers aren't worth life in prison or the death penalty.
I still get enraged cause I let the marathon rapes and abuse keep me from getting close to ANYONE. I'd like to have some close male friends, but I'm afraid they'll think I'm queer. and I'd love a relationship with a woman and get married some day, but ANY type of sexual contact (even touching or kissing) brings on fear, panic, and intense ptsd attacks. so I've basically become a loner all these years, resisting friendships and running away from interested women like a scared rabbit. I basically live in fantasyland most of the time, addicted to self-gratification (food, masturbation, porn, etc.) and self-harm (cutting, satanism).
this is a tought thing to go through.. but we went through it and made it out alive, maybe not for the best but we need to remember that those things that happened are not our identities, we are survivors....
I am similiar in some ways to the self-gratification part.. more so in the past than I am now, but I dont cut, have my own self harm ways, and I do have an interest in the occult, not satanism particularily..
youre not alone guys,mine started when i was 6 and went on for a while.ive never spoken of it but have posted on here about it.i wont go into it all now but it was a very close family member who i have convinced myself doesnt remember any of it. i have one close person who doesnt ask about it but knows something happened purely because i sent them a link to my post on here. i know they are never going to ask about it and im lucky to have somebody like that.pm me if i can help you as they have helped me.
take care guys
Problem here is is that it is all unresolved. Child abuse and rape leave terrible scars on the psyche and need to be worked thru with a therapist or analyst.
First port of call is finding therapist you can work with and trust; then begins the long and painful journey to healing.
You can heal hun, you can put this in the past and have normal relationships with people untainted by the past.
I can't promise complete eradication of the past, somehow it is always there:sad: but you can learn to put it where it belongs...in the past!!!!
PM or MSN me if you want to talk about it hun.:smile:
I've never been through anything like that but my heart goes out to all of you guys. :sad: I respect how strong you are b/c you REALLY ARE STRONG, COURAGEOUS MEN. I admire you guys for being able to come to grips and help each other. God bless you.