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Any advice for a newbie?

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#1
Hey ya'll, I'm new to this site and forum, but in no way shape or form new to depression and suicidal ideation. I have attempted a few times, but really I've reached the point where I no longer want to die, I want to live. Sure I think about suicide almost everyday (with the new meds I'm on its a little less often) but I feel as if nothing helps me. The thing with me is I have these images of how I would do it and I can't get rid of them. They keep me awake at night and come and go without any trigger. I've tried medication for 2 years now and I haven't found one that makes the thoughts go away. I usually get so frustrated when the drugs don't work after months and months of trying that I just stop them all together (which I know isn't right). I've been trying therapy for 6 years and again talking doesn't make me feel better. They don't provide me with any tips on how to get rid of these thoughts. The only thing that helps me is cutting myself and I know that isn't a healthy way to cope. I've tried exercise, and that really just makes me feel worse afterwards because of how unhappy I am with how I look. I also have a stomach disorder which causes me to not be able to eat alot and to get sick whenever I am stressed out or sometimes for no reason. I've googled and read and no other ideas have come up for me to try. I just don't understand it, all I want to be is happy and I just can't get a grasp on it. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make this go away, I know its a long shot because we all are sufering here, but I just need some help please
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#2
There is a technique called, 'revising the internal narrative' or telling yourself another storyline (narrative) , somewhat a part of CBT, to replace the obessive ones we recite to ourselves...I have used it to help myself not feel worthless and to stop SH and it has worked to varying degrees...if you are working with a therapist, maybe this is something worth exploring...J
 
#3
if you have true depression then ur kinda programmed to not be/or able to be happy :/. kinda sucks but it mite be something you have to consider living with. Oh and i dont mean like you cant ever feel happiness - u still will like in response to a good joke, something really nice happens to you- its just at the neutral times when u should be content and neutral, instead of neutral what you mite feel is unhappiness.


I think happiness is overrated. id rather be productive than happy personally.
also Most of the world isnt/most ppl arent happy.
 

solutions

Well-Known Member
#4
LP is sort of right. It would be atypical depression if you're reactive to positive events. Melancholic or the other kinds, not so much.

For me personally, creativity helps. I write a whole lot, and I find it particularly therapeutic to keep a journal. I'm kind of proud of how much material I've accumulated over the years.

But yeah, depression is hard and doesn't go away very easily. There are what are called "last resort" methods, which in reality aren't last resort methods, like ECT. People who don't respond well to medication or talk therapy benefit most from it. It's supposed to be very effective to quell depression and suicidal ideation.

Oh, and also, I never liked talk therapy, either.
 

peacelovingguy

Well-Known Member
#5
There is a technique called, 'revising the internal narrative' or telling yourself another storyline (narrative) , somewhat a part of CBT, to replace the obessive ones we recite to ourselves...I have used it to help myself not feel worthless and to stop SH and it has worked to varying degrees...if you are working with a therapist, maybe this is something worth exploring...J
This sounds practical advise - in a way, maybe praying is similar to that process?
 
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