Hey ya'll, I'm new to this site and forum, but in no way shape or form new to depression and suicidal ideation. I have attempted a few times, but really I've reached the point where I no longer want to die, I want to live. Sure I think about suicide almost everyday (with the new meds I'm on its a little less often) but I feel as if nothing helps me. The thing with me is I have these images of how I would do it and I can't get rid of them. They keep me awake at night and come and go without any trigger. I've tried medication for 2 years now and I haven't found one that makes the thoughts go away. I usually get so frustrated when the drugs don't work after months and months of trying that I just stop them all together (which I know isn't right). I've been trying therapy for 6 years and again talking doesn't make me feel better. They don't provide me with any tips on how to get rid of these thoughts. The only thing that helps me is cutting myself and I know that isn't a healthy way to cope. I've tried exercise, and that really just makes me feel worse afterwards because of how unhappy I am with how I look. I also have a stomach disorder which causes me to not be able to eat alot and to get sick whenever I am stressed out or sometimes for no reason. I've googled and read and no other ideas have come up for me to try. I just don't understand it, all I want to be is happy and I just can't get a grasp on it. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make this go away, I know its a long shot because we all are sufering here, but I just need some help please