Any advice will do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ool007, Jun 14, 2013.

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  1. ool007

    ool007 New Member

    Here's a bit of background information: I'm a 26 year old male suffering from comorbid depression/anxiety with occasional panic attacks. As is typical of these mental illnesses I began experiencing severe symptoms around my sophomore year of college. I subsequently left the university I was attending in order to go to school closer to home and begin receiving the proper psychiatric and psychological treatments. These treatments proved futile and shortly after my 21st birthday I made a serious attempt to end my life. Following a brief hospital stay I was placed in an inpatient facility that was in essence a facility for drug addicts. To make matters worse the employees there were uncaring, perfunctory and apathetic to say the least and the hallway leading to my room was brimming with the odor of sewage. Needless to say that this experience had a profoundly negative influence on me(thinking about this particular instance can actually induce panic attacks). I continued seeing a Psychiatrist and managed to go 2-3 years before visiting another inpatient facility. The next time I was hospitalized the impetus for my stay was a panic attack. This facility was quite a bit better but upon leaving I came to the sound conclusion that these places only serve to prevent me from killing myself however the isolation from my room(the place I'm most comfortable) and my family(the only people i'm comfortable around) and constant interactions with other hopeless and suicidal individuals only magnified my feelings of depression and anxiety. At this point I decided to immerse myself in school and for the last 2 years I have been a president's list student. Originally I had high hopes and high aspirations however it slowly began dawning on me that I could make good grades however I am socially inept and due to crippling depression/anxiety/adhd unable to function around people and therefore unable to apply what I have learned. I have been unemployed for the majority of my adult life and have been an immense financial burden to both my parents and my sibling. Throughout the last few years of living at my parents house I have watched my family's health decline rapidly all the while their dependence on alcohol has become a problem. I couldn't care less about my own well-being however my family (particularly my mother) means the world to me.

    As of now I'm basically living as an invalid. I'm unable to keep employment, i'm uninsured(and therefore unmedicated), my family are in dire financial circumstances, I have lost all of my friends, I never leave the confines of my room, I have zero prospects in life, I can barely get out of bed in the morning and often take sedatives halfway through the day as I prefer sleeping to consciousness, and in addition to my mental afflictions I experience incredible guilt and shame, persistent thoughts of suicide, and I live in perpetual fear of my parents failing health (as their end essentially spells my end bc without my mother I cannot persevere).The only thing preventing me from killing myself is knowing how it will affect those closest to me. However I'm afraid that as things continue to get worse contemplating the ramifications of suicide will only hold me back for so long.

    I realize my post is a bit superfluous however I would really like some advice and by providing those details about my life I'm hoping to hear something that might actually help me rather than hear someone spouting platitudes. Thank you in advance :)
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If you are 26 and do not have other insurance you can be added onto your parents insurance (if they are employed) until your 27th birthday - that is the law so you can have insurance coverage. I am confused a little by the not being able to afford medication but taking sedatives?

    What was your field of study? There are a great many ways to earn income as a freelancer online from your room if the the social anxiety is the only issue preventing gainful employment and depending on field different ways to set work atmosphere.... If you are simply unable to maintain employment due to disability you really should consider seeing a Dr a few times , that accompanied with 5 years documented past history of mental illness will likely enable you to get ssi for some form of income (if small) and medicaid for health coverage when 27.

    If you are simply living with your parents , change it to an actual lease of a room from them. If you change it to a lease for a room from them then you can apply for other assistance such as food stamps, heap, or housing assistance so you will be able to contribute more to the family. While you qualify for none of these if you afe fully supported likely, if you lease then you are just like any other adult with expenses and qualify.
  3. ool007

    ool007 New Member

    They dropped me from my parents insurance on my 26th birthday. On that day the pills that initially cost me roughly 10-11$ and the appointments that cost me 20$ became completely unaffordable. The fact that I never found the catalog of medications proscribed to me over the years to be particularly effective kept me from spending hundreds of dollars monthly to cover the full cost of the meds. The sedatives that I take are over the counter and relatively inexpensive.

    I was pre-med in school, I majored in psychology with minors in history and biological sciences. Social anxiety is certainly not the only issue preventing me from working as dealing with an irrational fear of everything (I've got GAD) and fending off thoughts of sadness, hopelessness, guilt and shame is in itself a full time job. I've considered trying to find work online however online jobs are quite rare and I have absolutely nothing on my resume other than academic accomplishments and extremely long and curious periods of inactivity. However I will look into social security and Medicaid. Thank you very much for the reply.
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    There are on line live meetings for some twelve step programmes and other self help groups. PM me if you're interested.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I just checked again , and I was wrong, it is until 26th birthday , not through age 26 - I apologize for the error. If you have had care until that time i would strongly encourage you to apply for the SSI as work history (or inability) plus treatment should make it possible. It is not a fast process, but more reason to start it sooner rather than later. I am sorry I do not have fast simple processes and I suspect many of these steps considering the condition you describe will be difficult - do not think of it as a huge bunch of stuff to do.

    call social security office or go online to see how to start that process and set a time/day to do so

    you can download a simple lease and print out for free in many places - or go to office supply store and buy a kit for $5 - fill in dates and reasonable rent amount and sign (do not say you are doing to qualify for benefits- say parents said pay rent or get out) - choose a day to have done by.

    call 211 after those 2 things have been done and explain you have applied for disability, tried to find jobs, and need assistance for food and/or rent as you will be turned out without - they will set appointments to speak to the appropriate agencies.

    These are all patches, long term I hope you are able to find relief from the actual problems but sometimes taking care of the additional stressors can be a very positive step ....
  6. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I suggest that since you have long-term mental illness, you qualify for SSI that will give you money for your disability. Also, you may qualify for Medicaid that will help pay for prescriptions and other medical costs. You may be eligible for food stamps too and other benefits that you may qualify for. Call 211 for an application for SSI and ask them what other aid you can receive. There is hope! Hang in there!
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