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Any advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hanpan, Sep 21, 2010.

  1. Hanpan

    Hanpan Member

    Ok...I'm going to give a little back story, but that is not what I need the advice on. Please, please, no bashing. I know I'm a horrible person but please, we're trying to work through it. This is not what I need to be addressed. Now to the back story...

    I cheated on my boyfriend of almost 4 years. I told him in April (it was a four month affair). Since then he's been regularly taking over the counter sleep medication/pain relief. He had trouble falling asleep because he would be thinking about what I had done.

    So fast forward a few months. He now is taking them partly for the same reason, but now he's reached the point where he doesn't care if he dies. He's had depression his whole life and I went into the relationship knowing that it's something he suffers from. What I did has pretty much destroyed him. I'm doing everything I can to help him through this..

    He's questioning his self worth, and his family and "friends" are not helping at all. They are not taking his mental state seriously and they keep making everything about them, instead of trying to help him feel better. I'm one of the only people who's being there for him in the way he needs, but because of the circumstances, and the fact that hes still deeply hurting from what I did, it's hard for him to always accept me with open arms. I can help bring him happiness sometimes, but then he's hit with work, his family, our current living situation and he's brought back down...

    I've realized that I can't stop him from taking them, it's something that he has to want to do on his own. I've flushed pills in the past and he's just gone out and bought more and hid them from me. I'm currently holding on to the pills and giving him a controlled amount and so far he's agreeing to it. I know his body needs to slowly be weened off of them because last time he stopped cold turkey he had withdrawal symptoms and I'm worried that it might do some major harm if he stops that way.

    I'm not in any way encouraging him to take the pills...I'm trying to get him to go see someone, but he's had bad experiences in the past with therapists so that's not something he's even considering.

    I'm just at a loss...is there anyone out there that was ever in a similar situation? Taking pills and not caring if you lived or died..and did it help having someone there that was loving and caring and reassuring you that you are something special and you have a reason to live? I fear that's all I can do for him. He's an adult, he makes his own choices, I can't force him to stop because he'll just do it behind my back and that terrifies me. Just hurts so bad not being to help him stop hurting himself....

    I've gotten him to stop in the past, but because I suffer from my own mental issues(extreme jealousy was the culprit), it caused him to spiral back down. He was doing really good, feeling happy and everything so I'm hoping I can help him get to that point again (I wont bring him back down, I've done self help and I'm stable now)

    Thanks for anyone who reads this. Any type of opinion is appreciated, but please.....no bashing for the cheating..... ='(
  2. No_Life

    No_Life Well-Known Member

    well firstly, well done for keeping stable and seeking help in what must be such a hellish time for you. cheating is bad but you have already recieved a worse comeuppance from it then you deserve or anyone on here could dish out, you deserve help not bashing for the cheating.

    i've had a friend who used to do every drug (mainly LSD, MDMA and weed) he could get hold of and not care if he lived or died, and he was just a friend, if it was a girlfriend i dont know if i could be as strong as you are being. in the end nothing stopped him until he had to move and was forced to stop. if i were you, i would go to a doctor and explain the situation, they will be professional and give you the best advice your likely to get, other then that i have no real advice to give. i sincerely hope you hang in there and support him and it all gets better over time.
  3. Hanpan

    Hanpan Member

    Thank you! It's so hard not being able to be there for him in the way I know he would want me to be. I wish I could take it all back and help him through his other issues, but I know I can't. I know in the past I wasn't strong enough to either. Now that I've finally started working on myself I'm hoping that I can help get him through this, even if it means him leaving me. His health and happiness is the most important to me right now. We can put working on the relationship on the back burner...

    His sister is a nurse. She knows about what he's doing. She lives in a different state and has a family, so it's hard for her to just stop her life and responsibilities. I try to fill her in when he takes more than his usual amount and I get worried he's getting worse. I'm thinking about giving her a call and actually talking about this with her instead of doing it through texts here and there. His whole family just doesn't realize how serious depression is. They just think that he should be able to just stop taking them or that him moving to be near them will make all the pain go away. They don't realize its not that simple.

    Sorry for rambling, just idk...I mean I suffer from depression too, only fairly recently after my mother passed away so I understand that its not something you can just turn off. Everyone I've spoken to about this just doesn't understand how deep it runs...Him running away from his problems isn't going to make them go away. He needs to face them head on and make the decision on his own to make changes and work towards feeling better about himself and the world. K end rant =)