Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KnockinOnSatansDoor, Jan 13, 2012.
Like the whole worlds watchin, hatin and waitin on you to die?
Then theirs this one where I think of myself as a black hole who brings down all around me. That there's nothing that I do well, even things I use to excel in.That I have a generally toxic effect on all around. That the quicker I off myself the better for everybody, myself included.
Not trying to put these thoughts in anyone's head, just sharing my own thoughts to see if anyone is coming from where I'm coming from.
It's just me
One last thought, sorry but I just have never really been given a chance to vent. Well I had my psychiatrist but I never trusted her so I held back a lot.
Anyways that thought is that every single person who knows or knows of me absolutely hates me, and not a single person gives a shit whether you live or die. Well maybe some give a shit, but they are actively rooting for my death. That theirs nothing keeping me here and there is no light at the tunnel, just never ending darkness. Basically if I had the proper means I'd have been long gone by now. The thing is I don't want to spend my last moments on this earth bleeding out, or hanging, or falling awaiting the great fall.
Thoughts from the mind of me. Might be my last post, not that I'm gonna do anything right now, but I probably will lose all the trust I feel at the moment by the time I wake up tomorrow.
Felt good, til regret sits in
Hi and welcome to SF.
You're certainly not alone on feelings like that. I feel EXACTLY that way every minute of every day. For 5 years solid now I've felt that way. I had a little respite last year which was a God send. I was so relieved to not feel utterly useless just for a single day. It came around when for no apparent reason or plan or idea, I started to dig up a small section of the garden lawn. 6 months on I had totally redesigned the whole garden and when family see it they think it looks amazing. Funny really, I hate gardening!!!!
Perhaps you could find a small project to make you feel better about yourself. Everyone must be good at something, even if they haven't found out what it is yet!!!!
Chin up and keep on going!!!!!
Or come right back with the fact that I could find one reason to stay alive, to spite all those who can't wait for me to die. But is that reason enough?
I wonder if I can trust it here? I am nuts to think everyone here doesn't already have hatred towards me. Surely I'll be the most hated person on this forum, if I'm not already. That the general consensus is that I really should stop delayin the inevitable and off myself already. Whether or not anyone comes right out and says it.
No-one will say such a thing.
What do you feel you have done wrong to feel this way?
Please continue to vent, its good to get these thoughts expressed.
All I do is wrong. What do I do right would be the question, the answers absolutely nothing. Couple that with the fact that I'm living under a microscope, adds up to hateville, USA
I certainly don't hate you and I'm sure others don't, either. What's been happening to make you feel so bad? Letting out our feelings can help us to stop the negative stuff. I hope you will continue to share here.
Maybe, maybe not who knows? Anyways that was an interesting experiment, but talking just makes me feel worse. So I'll just hush up now and wait to see the backlash of the already notebook than too much I've said.
I believe your mind is working over-drive. If something has happened in your life, you need to forgive yourself. If not, you must really recognise that most people actually don't you at all. All those you pass in the street don't even know your name. The only ones that really matter are the ones you care about. If you don't care about them, why give two hoots what they think. Life is full of judgemental people and we have all been guilty of making assumptions about someone else, whether it be based upon their appearance or perhaps hearing one side of a story. Perhaps, it may help you to dress differently as an example. Or maybe say good morning to everyone you walk past when your out. These are only examples, absolutely not a summary of you so DO NOT think I hate you already!!!! If all else fails you can always consider a fresh start in life by moving area. You could be absolutely certain nobody hates you when you know nobody knows you. That's not a recommendation either... I have moved too many times in my life and find stability in life is an absolute necessity. Keep talking... others and I are listening. Here to help each other out, that's what this forum is about.