Any help would be appreciated.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by firewalkwithme, Feb 25, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. firewalkwithme

    firewalkwithme New Member

    To be perfectly honest, I'm not really certain how to approach any of this.

    For some time now I have been suffering from depression. I've tried my best to try to overcome it, stay positive and keep on going. What baffles me most about it all is I don't know the stem of the problem. During the winter months especially I feel it even more every year. Lately, it has intensified to the point where I can barely function properly. This partly has to do with a good friend of mine, someone who I confided in and shared a lot of personal connection with pushing me away for an unknown reason. This is a person who I would typically talk to about these sorts of things to, a person who's friendship means the world to me and suffers from depression as well, but now is cold and distant towards me. Even prior to this, mind you, I was already at a low. I'm constantly tired, feeling empty, low energy, restless, irritable, stomach pains, headaches, eye twitches, sleep loss, my appetite is either non existent or I eat a lot. My anxiety is sometimes unbearable. Although, I no longer get the feeling of panic attacks like I used to, the feelings of anxiety are still intense. Sometimes out of the blue, I'll feel like bursting into tears randomly in but I am able to hold it back, somewhat, in a public setting. I could be sitting around surfing the web and sometimes I'll feel that whimpering feeling as if I were crying or about to cry, for no good reason. I feel like a broken person.

    Things just don't interest me the way that they used to. I'm noticeably more hostile and easily annoyed by my family and I want to be left alone. This is so conflicted because I hate feeling so alone, which I do.

    I'm tired of denying my problems and I'm tired of the daily self-medication, whether marijuana, alcohol or Oxycontin depending on the day, to make the pain stop. I had managed to quit smoking cigarettes for two years, but the habit has resurfaced and I have fallen back into old vices.

    Thoughts of suicide constantly plague my mind and although I know that I would never take it to that extreme, at times it does seem like a valid option. I have thoughts about it and sometimes those thoughts can scare me. I'm not really sure what to do or who I should talk to about this. It's difficult because I am somewhat embarrassed by my depression. I don't want to be a burden to my friends of family because of it. I don't want to be looked at differently for trying to address the problems I know I have, but I can no longer suffer in silence. This is now affecting my school and work as my mood tends to shift randomly. I haven't been on any medication for anything related to this so I'm not sure if seeking something like that is a good option or not, or who I could speak to about it in confidence.

    Like I said, I'm not really certain how to approach any of this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2010
  2. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    I can understand alot of what your saying,and right now i havent got much advice for you,except,you have come to the right place and we can try to help.
    Please keep talking.
    I will be around for a while and when i have the advice,i will be back to you.

    I just wanted you to know people are listening to you
    Take care,
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...if you are seeking professional help, a good start is to speak to your GP and see if s/he has someone to refer you to...and discuss with him/her how you feel and ask what options are available to deserve to feel well and I am so glad you are thinking about this...welcome again and let us know how you are doing...big hugs, J
  4. firewalkwithme

    firewalkwithme New Member

    I don't have a GP (haven't been to the doctor in a few years) I don't really know how to go about this, as stupid as that might sound. I'm so uncomfortable talking about this with anyone, I don't really know what to do. I've tried so hard today to keep positive and have felt a bit better but I'm still nauseous and having trouble eating and I know once I start sinking I'll feel terrible again.
  5. drkangl

    drkangl Active Member

    Have you ever looked into seasonal afective disorder maybe?
  6. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry to hear about your problems. it's good you are on here talking. nausea is a bitch. sorry you are going through that.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Your local hospital or university with a psych department might also be a good place to start..most therapists are very sensitive to the difficulty many of us have talking about our problems...start off slow and build up the trust...wishing you lighter times, J
  8. firewalkwithme

    firewalkwithme New Member

    I'm just sinking right now and feel like complete shit. It's like I'm like a zombie just going through the motions. I don't have the money financially for therapists and things of that nature, although I don't know how necessary it is. I just wish I could feel normal again. I'm so nauseous and low, I hate this so much.
  9. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Just wanted you to know I am here and listening to you. I care about your situation and what you are going through as I struggle you mind sharing a bit more about what is troubling you and having you feel so bad today? I am here if you need to talk, please keep posting as it helps to get all that out and helps in finding a path out of the darkness.

    take care and hope you write more, Bambi
  10. firewalkwithme

    firewalkwithme New Member

    Today? I don't really know, I'm down and I don't know why. I'm stressed with pressure from college, so that doesn't help for sure. My mood has been up and down all day but the lows are low. Anxiety makes me feel awful, I feel it like crazy through my arms predominately, if that even makes sense. I'm nauseous too, like there is a knot in my my stomach. I've eaten but the knot doesn't go away. I feel so disassociated, like such a zombie.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.