To be perfectly honest, I'm not really certain how to approach any of this. For some time now I have been suffering from depression. I've tried my best to try to overcome it, stay positive and keep on going. What baffles me most about it all is I don't know the stem of the problem. During the winter months especially I feel it even more every year. Lately, it has intensified to the point where I can barely function properly. This partly has to do with a good friend of mine, someone who I confided in and shared a lot of personal connection with pushing me away for an unknown reason. This is a person who I would typically talk to about these sorts of things to, a person who's friendship means the world to me and suffers from depression as well, but now is cold and distant towards me. Even prior to this, mind you, I was already at a low. I'm constantly tired, feeling empty, low energy, restless, irritable, stomach pains, headaches, eye twitches, sleep loss, my appetite is either non existent or I eat a lot. My anxiety is sometimes unbearable. Although, I no longer get the feeling of panic attacks like I used to, the feelings of anxiety are still intense. Sometimes out of the blue, I'll feel like bursting into tears randomly in but I am able to hold it back, somewhat, in a public setting. I could be sitting around surfing the web and sometimes I'll feel that whimpering feeling as if I were crying or about to cry, for no good reason. I feel like a broken person. Things just don't interest me the way that they used to. I'm noticeably more hostile and easily annoyed by my family and I want to be left alone. This is so conflicted because I hate feeling so alone, which I do. I'm tired of denying my problems and I'm tired of the daily self-medication, whether marijuana, alcohol or Oxycontin depending on the day, to make the pain stop. I had managed to quit smoking cigarettes for two years, but the habit has resurfaced and I have fallen back into old vices. Thoughts of suicide constantly plague my mind and although I know that I would never take it to that extreme, at times it does seem like a valid option. I have thoughts about it and sometimes those thoughts can scare me. I'm not really sure what to do or who I should talk to about this. It's difficult because I am somewhat embarrassed by my depression. I don't want to be a burden to my friends of family because of it. I don't want to be looked at differently for trying to address the problems I know I have, but I can no longer suffer in silence. This is now affecting my school and work as my mood tends to shift randomly. I haven't been on any medication for anything related to this so I'm not sure if seeking something like that is a good option or not, or who I could speak to about it in confidence. Like I said, I'm not really certain how to approach any of this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.