• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

Any help?

#1
I am having a really hard time right now. between Christmas, and my dog got sick. When he gets sick I feel like I lose my mind.. I mean I go completely out of my mind. As soon as he starts with his symptoms I just totally break down. I've been crying for the last four days straight. I mean just totally broken down. totally devastated. I have been so suicidal. I want to die so bad. I have weird thoughts. This Christmas and my dog being sick has really done me in.
 
#3
Oh yes. I forgot to mention I did invite my sister over to be with me and help me keep safe. I was the one that found my best friend, confidant and sister dead of a drug overdose. We we in an emeshed relationship and losing her was like losing myself. Now for some reason, any time my dog shows any signs of being ill I totally go crazy. Its a weird kind of psychosis. I've been in therapy for 2 years and keep requesting my therapist to help me change this behavior. I went to a psych practitioner and have had my meds changed many times to try to improve my mental health. Nothing seems to help a great deal.
 

Jane65

Active Member
#4
I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. I get into a terrible state when any of my dogs have been sick now or in the past but clearly I dont suffer in the same way you do.
Our dogs are often our very reason for being, so the thought of them dying can be catastrophic for any dog guardians let alone someone who has suffered the loss of someone so close to them.
I really do hope that you can find some help for your dog but most of all support for yourself. I'm listening and holding you in my heart x
 
#5
Jane your reply was so sincere and understanding, it really touched me. Phoenix is everything to me. He is the only thing I have left of my immediate "little family". That scares me. I don't think I can live without him. At the same time when he gets sick, I want to run fast and far. I can not stand to see him suffering. I'm still fighting suicidal feelings and my sister is still here staying with me. My mom closes off to me when I reach this bad of a state. I think she is scared but sometimes it feels like she doesnt care. I am 53 years old, but if my daughter was suicidal, I think I would at least call to see how I am doing. There really isn't much anyone can do except what my sister is doing. She has been a lifesaver and so understanding. I can't eat, barely drink and for some reason feel very tired and week. I have cried so much this week my throat is sore. I am truly living in hell and trying to hang on by my fingernails.
 
#7
I've been in therapy for 2 years and keep requesting my therapist to help me change this behavior. I went to a psych practitioner and have had my meds changed many times to try to improve my mental health. Nothing seems to help a great deal.
Sorry that nothing's helped so far. Do you want to say what the style of therapy is? How do you feel about your therapist?

I can't eat, barely drink and for some reason feel very tired and week
Does your psych practitioner know about your poor appetite? Some medications may increase or decrease appetite, so it may be helpful for them to know about this.

Drinking a tea made from green onions, garlic, cinnamon, or ginger may be helpful in stimulating your appetite. Avoiding anything served raw or cold might be helpful too.

The link in my signature has some information about treatment methods. It sounds like grief, worry, and emotions are core issues for you. I recommend acupuncture a lot for a lots of different conditions, but I found it helpful in releasing emotions after the death of my father.

I hope that something can help.

Sending hugs
 

Dante

Took 5 years to learn how to make a custom title.
SF Supporter
#8
Oh yes. I forgot to mention I did invite my sister over to be with me and help me keep safe. I was the one that found my best friend, confidant and sister dead of a drug overdose. We we in an emeshed relationship and losing her was like losing myself. Now for some reason, any time my dog shows any signs of being ill I totally go crazy. Its a weird kind of psychosis. I've been in therapy for 2 years and keep requesting my therapist to help me change this behavior. I went to a psych practitioner and have had my meds changed many times to try to improve my mental health. Nothing seems to help a great deal.
I get that about your dog, its a natural response, my best friend died when I was 19, no warning, just dropped dead one day, no explanation from anyone about what happened*, and for several years after, every time I couldn't get someone on the phone or they were late to meet me, or I visited and they weren't home, I struggled to control the worry that they had died from some freak accident, or mugging gone wrong or just dropped dead from nothing.

I believe we build our lives and our mental health around certain pillars, things that must always be, at least one of which is almost always a person in our lives, we view those pillars as sacrosanct, and invincible, something that will never change or die, because we need to believe that, so when we lose one, it calls everything into question, someone who must never die, did, so now everyone living seems very vulnerable to you, because if that one person who can never die can die, then anyone can, including your dog.

I cant fix anything with just words, so allow me to simply try to sooth your worry, everyone gets sick, and people and animals rarely die just because they got sick, so when your dog falls ill, just remember, phoenix is just ill, not dying, it will recover.

*Looking back and reading between the lines, I think my best friend may have killed himself, he was diabetic and all they would ever say about his death was "complications with his diabetes" even though he was so careful about it, and he died alone in his "media room" watching a movie, exactly how I think he would have chosen to go, they probably didnt explain because it was suicide, he probably did it with his insulin...
 

Jane65

Active Member
#9
@every76years I can't get much internet connection at the moment but I haven't stopped wondering how you and your poor dog are doing?
I got sectioned a couple of days and all I could think about for the 1st 24hrs was whether my dog was being cared for well. Thankfully for at least the short term he is now with a great couple but they may not be able to foster him for long so I am still fretting about him.

Our furry family are so incredibly important to us arn't they? I also thought what @Dante sadi about pillars of belief being so formative in our mental well being or worry and that it is therefore, totally understandable that you should fear of loosing pheonix should be so incredibly overwhelming. The only suggestion I can make is to try not to punish yourself for feelings you can not help.... easier said than done, I know too well. Also trying as much as you can to use self soothing methods to help still your very frightened self. Though its been hard I have managed to quieten my soul a litle this afternoon by listening to guided meditations. Its hard to concentrate in this awful place but it has helped just a little bit and my therapist is always encouraging me to try using anything that helps however small the gain may feel.

I really do hope that Pheonix is statting to recover now and if not now will do so very soon. Please do keep in touch with folk here if you find it helpful. Not sure how much I will be around but I wont stop sendding loving thoughts your way.

Jane x
 

Dante

Took 5 years to learn how to make a custom title.
SF Supporter
#10
@every76yearsI also thought what @Dante sadi about pillars of belief being so formative in our mental well being...
The "pillars" arent so much about belief as they are the cornerstones of our mental wellbeing, the ways we relate to the world, the things we tie our self-worth to, the people we can always rely on, these things, a few pillars of mine which have been shaken or destroyed were 1) My best friend, someone who I trusted and whose influence was instrumental to my love of films and television, he died, and it was like that piece of me died too, I have never been quite as entheused by films since, 2) My sister's high opinion of me is a really large part of my self-worth, and for a time that high opinion seemed to be wavering and that rocked my sense of self worth, 3) My intelligence has always been a point of pride, but it has been failing me for years now so I havent been as confident as when I could just use my intelligence to get me through anything without prep or worry.
Belief in something can be a pillar but when I refer to pillars it doesnt necessarily mean belief. In this case Phoenix is a pillar for every76years in that Phoenix is a constant companion, someone who will never leave or shun or be cruel or disappointing, will never become cold and distant, an assurance that every76years wont be alone, and after losing someone who else he relied on, when Phoenix gets sick, it draws that assurance into question. I think being aware of this will help every76years confront this fear.

Disclaimer: As ever, if you feel in any way that the above is bullshit, please disregard it immediately and find a safe place to burn me in effigy.
 

Jane65

Active Member
#11
Hi @Dante I am sorry I misunderstood. You ave explained it very clearly and eloquently now. What you have said about Pheonix is also in many ways true for my relationships with my dogs. Their need for me and their absolute devotion no matter how miserable I feel is the only reason I ever choose to keep living. Thank you for correcting my misquote. I am sure that your understanding is very helpful to 76years as it is to me.
 
#12
Wow, just wow. Thank you so much Jane and Dante for your insights. I think you hit it right on the head Dante. Ijust got done posting a whole other post about this because I had totally forgot about this one. I ended up having a major breakdown and I have lost chunks of my memory from this time. I have been through DBT therapy for bipolar and now basically we just talk about general stuff because it is phone appointments. The covid is pretty bad here so I have been isolated which is never good. I am off yo bed now nut will answer more tomorrow,
 
#13
Dante, I have read and reread your posts about the pillars and it has struck a chord with me. Have you read anything like that in a book or is it developed from your own life experience? Could you recommend any books for me somewhat related to the subject?
Thanks
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$305.00
Goal
$255.00
Top