Oh yes. I forgot to mention I did invite my sister over to be with me and help me keep safe. I was the one that found my best friend, confidant and sister dead of a drug overdose. We we in an emeshed relationship and losing her was like losing myself. Now for some reason, any time my dog shows any signs of being ill I totally go crazy. Its a weird kind of psychosis. I've been in therapy for 2 years and keep requesting my therapist to help me change this behavior. I went to a psych practitioner and have had my meds changed many times to try to improve my mental health. Nothing seems to help a great deal.
I get that about your dog, its a natural response, my best friend died when I was 19, no warning, just dropped dead one day, no explanation from anyone about what happened*, and for several years after, every time I couldn't get someone on the phone or they were late to meet me, or I visited and they weren't home, I struggled to control the worry that they had died from some freak accident, or mugging gone wrong or just dropped dead from nothing.
I believe we build our lives and our mental health around certain pillars, things that must always be, at least one of which is almost always a person in our lives, we view those pillars as sacrosanct, and invincible, something that will never change or die, because we need to believe that, so when we lose one, it calls everything into question, someone who must never die, did, so now everyone living seems very vulnerable to you, because if that one person who can never die can die, then anyone can, including your dog.
I cant fix anything with just words, so allow me to simply try to sooth your worry, everyone gets sick, and people and animals rarely die just because they got sick, so when your dog falls ill, just remember, phoenix is just ill, not dying, it
will recover.
*Looking back and reading between the lines, I think my best friend may have killed himself, he was diabetic and all they would ever say about his death was "complications with his diabetes" even though he was so careful about it, and he died alone in his "media room" watching a movie, exactly how I think he would have chosen to go, they probably didnt explain
because it was suicide, he probably did it with his insulin...