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Any ideas?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Xistence, Apr 25, 2008.

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  1. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    So.. one of my friends is depressed and suicidal. He is getting into drugs alot lately. Drinks and pops pills almost every day, smokes weed on occasion...

    My friends and I want to do something about it. The only problem is doing it without making it worse. If we don't do something, he will keep getting worse, but if we don't handle it right, it could get really ugly...

    We are all around the age of 17 and 18 so we are limited on what we can do. Does anyone have any ideas? We are planning on doing something tomorrow afternoon at about 4 or so.

    He refuses to get professional help, and he won't stop using drugs.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This is so nice that you are so concerned about your friend...is there anyone a little old to recruit? if not, do not forget to tell him how much you care about him...that does help ppl through the roughest of times...best of luck, J
  3. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    lol that sounds like me! well except i dont have friends.

    if he doesnt want professional help, you can make him so i think the best thing you (and his other friends) can do is just let him know you are concerned about him and will be there for him if he wants to talk or wants any help.

    let him know you dont think its a good idea about the pills and booze but dont get too preachy on him.

    with good friends like you im sure he will be in good hands.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i have been at the receiving end of this kind of intervention. at the time it was scary as hell, but it probably saved my life.

    i think, like the others, the important stuff is to be sure to tell him you love him and care about him and are frightened for him.

    have you asked him outright if he is suicidal? if you haven't had that conversation, just get your fears out into the open.

    have the hotline numbers for him, printed out, and stick 'em into his cellphone. try and get him promise to call any of you, or the hotline if he is thinking of harming himself.

    as for the day to day, keep him busy, dont' let him isolate. pop by and see him, or drag him out into the daylight for a walk. if he's feeling intensely suicidal, make sure someone stays with him.

    do not give up. one day, like me, he will thank you.
  5. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    You sound like fantastic friends, and what you are doing might just save their life.

    They might react badly, or not realise there is a problem, so just make sure they know you are not preaching, but just letting them no you care. That you are there anytime and you are just doing this because you love and care for them.

    good luck xxx
  6. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. :smile: I hope it goes well.
  7. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    let us know how you get on :)
  8. Digger

    Digger Member

    he sounds fragile at the moment. When things get too much we often fall back on our friends and family.
    You of course know him best - if you think he can handle the talk then please do so, however he may feel like hes being attacked. That's the danger as he may even isolate himself more - which is of course where the suicidal thoughts take control.

    Try and win him round - your friend has problems which he cant deal with, the booze and pills help him cope.

    Are you aware of any problems he is facing at the moment? Any trauma perhaps?

    'Be gentle when dressing his wounds.'
  9. Canti

    Canti Guest

    I belive one of the worst things you can do when someone you care about is into drugs and shit is ┬┤do┬┤anything. stopping substance abuse Is something you have to realise and do yourself.

    All you can really do is offer your support and listen to what your friend has to say.
  10. music

    music Well-Known Member

    first i recommend you research the hell out of any drugs they are doing. i mean really research, not just checking out freevibe. believe it or not but marijuana has many positive effects for people, but it also has it's downsides. marijuana basically saved my life and gave me a new understanding of life. if you spew garbage anti-drug propaganda then you will FAIL, and he will hate you. Guaranteed.

    I know this because I've experienced such an intervention. Regardless of how close you are, your friend most likely doesn't want to hear what you have to say. This is about HIM not YOU.

    The only thing I could suggest is that you tell your friend that you are there for them NO MATTER WHAT, and that you want to just talk to him. Keep it private and don't involve lots of people or they will immediately be in DEFENSIVE mode and feel like they are being attacked. Ask your friend why he does the things he does, but ask it in a curious way not a talking down to him way. People use drugs to compensate for things missing in their life, find out what's missing and help them find it.
  11. Xistence

    Xistence Well-Known Member

    My main concern is convincing him to get professional help for the depression. My other friends, I fear, are going to mess everything up. The root of the problem needs to be addressed, but all they seem to care about is making him stop drugs. I understand why he does drugs. I don't really judge him for it. They are going about this the wrong way, and I'm not sure if I should stop the intervention or not.

    I don't want them to go in there and start spouting off their "don't do drugs" stuff and trying to push religion on him. I know him. It will only make it worse.

    I don't know if we would ever get around to doing it anyway... the decided to not do it today.
  12. music

    music Well-Known Member

    I think it's for the best, rarely do interventions like that work. The best possible thing you all can do for him is encourage him towards good and be there for him. Good Luck! He's lucky to have friends that care for him.

    Sadly the more you try to "help him"...which is actually saying "change him because he's broken", the more he will push away. He has to want it for himself and will have to do it all himself.
  13. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    if you think the other friends are going to possibly make it worse, can you talk to him on your own?

    he could feel less 'threatened' by it all if it is just you and him.
  14. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Im sorry Im saying this, but if your friend needs help, he would ask for it. I am suicidal, and I dont need help. I expect from my friends to accept me the way I am. Not to judge me, not to help me. I know this sounds sad, but Im only saying what I feel.
    The only thing you can do is: talk to him, and see if he wants help.
  15. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Trying to 'help' him might just make him be more secretive and abusive. I believe like others have said knowing MANY OH SO MANY that have gone down the drug path, they have to help themselves and want to stop.

    My friends been a stoner since he was 10...and he's not dead or deranged so I wonder about the scare tactics myself...I also know some very smart pot uses....but I never wanted to do it myself and I've heard sometimes these negative consequences can remain dormant for a long time until they surface.
  16. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    I agree, but then there are negative effects, and they normally blindside you when you early 20s, or with other harder drugs you can die the first time.

    People are right, you need to be really careful how you approach this. But you also need to consider you own emotions if your friend ends up getting hurt. If you know you tried your best but he couldnt handle it then you dont have the guilt on your conscience. But if you dont, you will be filled with 'what ifs?' if something happens, and thats the very worst.
  17. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    keep it simple. you love him, you care for him. you want him to know that you will be there, no matter what, if he is thinking of taking his life. even if the rest of the friends backed away from the conversation, just knowing he is not alone in these thoughts is important.
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