Really want to talk to an INTJ so I would (hopefully) feel less like an alien. Totally lost it today. Back to researching suicide methods and planning. I was doing so well and today I freaking lost it. I have been dealing with the same stupid problems for the past 11+ years now and I have not found a solution, it has wearied me out, I feel like I have no control over my life and it is driving me insane. I am so stressed out; I am EXTREMELY sensitive to noise, and I have been living in NYC for the past 6 years and the noise is just slowly killing me. I am currently living with roommates and have very little privacy, and the noise is not helping. I am not able to move out right now. I hear an ambulance and I want to freaking throw something heavy into a wall - and that's like every 10 minutes sometimes.The other day I had a meltdown on the floor and I punched the floor with my fist so hard I thought I broke a finger, thankfully it was only a bruise.
We have a new roommate (resting bitch face, doesn't say hi like I offended her or something, wtf). Today I meal prepped and went into my room, she went after me, opened my door (!!!!!) and started telling me something about how I am always so noisy when I am in the kitchen - I ignored that and said: what the hell are you doing here and why are you invading my privacy? She left and came back in two minutes, opened my freaking door again (!!!!!!!) and handed me some note she wrote, I didn't even look at her and just flew into an INTJ rage (final stage, HELL FIRE), I told her that this is a private room so why the hell is she barging in like that. She told me to be polite LOL. I finally managed to kick her out but what in the world. It triggered me so much. It made me realize that I am not healthy, I am extremely stressed out, I need privacy and silence and I am not able to get that right now. I am unable to solve my problems or change my situation, and it is slowly killing me. I mean damn...last time I flew into a rage was like 18, and I am 31 now. I am tired of trying to rationalize this stupid world and everything that happens in it. I am tired of dealing with stupid people. Just people in general. I am just so tired. So freaking tired.
We have a new roommate (resting bitch face, doesn't say hi like I offended her or something, wtf). Today I meal prepped and went into my room, she went after me, opened my door (!!!!!) and started telling me something about how I am always so noisy when I am in the kitchen - I ignored that and said: what the hell are you doing here and why are you invading my privacy? She left and came back in two minutes, opened my freaking door again (!!!!!!!) and handed me some note she wrote, I didn't even look at her and just flew into an INTJ rage (final stage, HELL FIRE), I told her that this is a private room so why the hell is she barging in like that. She told me to be polite LOL. I finally managed to kick her out but what in the world. It triggered me so much. It made me realize that I am not healthy, I am extremely stressed out, I need privacy and silence and I am not able to get that right now. I am unable to solve my problems or change my situation, and it is slowly killing me. I mean damn...last time I flew into a rage was like 18, and I am 31 now. I am tired of trying to rationalize this stupid world and everything that happens in it. I am tired of dealing with stupid people. Just people in general. I am just so tired. So freaking tired.