any suggestions?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by zoebaby, Jan 29, 2008.

  1. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    I've been dealing with depression since before xmas, I'm feeling a little bit better, but xmas knocked me off my feet. Yesterday I sort of had a bad day, this is kind of a long story, im going to tell it as well as i can. I started talking to my son's family last year for the first time in 12 years. I love his father's family but I sometimes have a hard time because they don't want to admit that his dad had anger issues, so I have to tread lightly...... Anyway my son was supposed to meet his dad for the first time in june, but unfortunately his father passed one week before he went there. But he got to meet everybody and had a great time.His uncle was nice enough to buy his airplane ticket. Well his uncle sent my son a pair of nice tennis shoes around the first of january. It was so thoughtful and I was so happy for my son. Then I called the uncle, I was going to put my son on the phone to say thankyou, but he said " I have some bad news ". Well I have only talked to the uncle maybe 5 or 6 times since I started talking to them again, and this is the second time that he has told me " I have some bad news". first for his dad and now his only aunt has passed away, and my son was really taken by her, he talked about her so much, she made my son feel so special . To make everything worse my bf and I just broke up, my 2 best friends moved out of town, and my really good friends, who were my neighbors for 2 year's started doing drugs, lost their kid's and moved also..( that really hurt me) So when he told me about the aunt I cried and cried and cried...... I just went into a depression for about two weeks, just waaay too many things happening at once. all my support (friends)gone, son's auntie passed, boyfriend went back to Cali, leaving me with bills, and son's father passed in june..i just went into a complete meltdown. When I get like that I can't talk, I don't know why, I figure people have their own problem's and they dont need me sobbing to them also. And I just started talking to them again and I'm almost having a nervous breakdown. So now I call him yesterday, I was going to ask him something and say thankyou and he say's, "hey you haven't thanked me for the shoe's, sent me a card or nothing, people usually say thankyou and u need to teach your son that". Well now I dont know what to say, do I tell him that I've been having a nervous breakdown the last three weeks, i cant tell that to someone that I just started talking to again, or should I, should I tell him everything that's been going on? I am so upset because before I called him and he said " I have bad news " again, I was going to send him a very nice thankyou card. So i just started sputtering and got off the phone. I don't want him to think that i'm unappreciative, I thought that I was being considerate and giving their family some space and time to grieve. I didnt think that it was appropriate to send a thankyou card for shoes when his only sister inlaw just died, am i wrong? I sent the brother a condolence card, and I emailed some of the family, I didnt know what else to do, was I wrong?
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    No I don't think you were wrong. And I suspect that maybe his own grief may have made him react the way he did. You should almost send him a copy of your post. But you should contact him in some form (an email or phone call) and let him know that so many things have been happening in your life lately and with the the passing that he was trying to deal with, you thought it better to postpone your gratitude. Surely he will understand. Best to try and deal with this before it is another 12 years of silence. Good luck.
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. The good thing is that grief gets better with time. You were absolutely doing what you thought was right and your brother-in-law should not have reacted that way. A gift is a gift, period and no-one is obligated to send a note. Yes, under normal circumstances, people send "thank you" notes, but this was a different situation and you might want to explain that to him if you can. It's really great that your son is re-connecting with a part of his family, though, and you should try to focus on that if you can. Have you talked about the deaths of these people with your son at all? How is he holding up?
  4. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    I went to my son's school and and enrolled him for counseling, so I hope that talking to someone will help him. I dont want him to keep his feelings bottled up, I know it has to be hard for him, just meeting people and them dying like this, i know it has sure upset em. so for him only being 13..... I try to talk to him, but he never want's to talk, part of the teen years i guess, i have to pry things out of him. he acts like nothing bothers him. I know that i really didnt have to deal with people dying until i was in my late twenties. I dont have the uncles address anymore, I have a card here for him but i dont know where to send it. Its just hard, I just start talking to them, and then dealing with these deaths, i just feel like screaming. Thanx for your replies :smile:
  5. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    Thankyou, you have a way of talking that always makes people feel better:hug: