Any suggestions?

Discussion in 'The Uncertainty Principle' started by Any Advice, Aug 21, 2006.

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  1. Any Advice

    Any Advice Guest

    I have been married for 13 years and about five years ago became ill and was diagnosed with severe depression Things got very bad in my life and marraige and twice I made a serious attempt at ending my life. The last time was in 2004 because I was so distraught over what my life with my husband had turned into - drugs, loser friends, etc. The final straw was when I caught him planning on cheating on me with his old girlfriend. Of course he denied all the phone calls to and from her. I had to go out of town and was sure that he was going to do something when I was gone. I was upset because I had stoped drinking and doing drugs and we were supposedly trying to straighten out our lives and were working on our relationship and he "only wanted me". He did it anyway. When I came home, I tried to believe it didn't happen and he promised me he only loved me and had never cheated on me or been with anyone else. Like an a**, I wanted to believe him. We made love and I thought we were going to work on things and make it alright. The next day I realized something was wrong - he gave me a disease. I went to the Doctor to confirm this, but was misdiagnosed. So now I am thinking that I'm just paranoid and maybe he didnt do anything. After a few weeks, I got sicker and sicker, 103 degree fevers, nausea and vomiting and severe abdominal pain. Turns out I had chlamydia and a pelvic infection. I confronted him and he swore he didn't do anything! When I threw divorce papers in his face and told him to get out, he finally admitted what I knew to be true. I threw him out of the house, but later took him back. I found out some more about some of the things he had done and threw him out again, but this time I was so hurt and distraught that I overdosed and ended up in the hospital. I realize now how much I hurt my family and friends and how much they truly care about me and would never want to hurt them by hurting myself again. My husband and I moved away to start our life over. He doesn't drink or do drugs, has stopped all contact with the loser friends and has been nothing but sweet, loving and attentive and it seems that he truly loves me. But he never talks to me about anything. It's like pulling teeth trying to get him to talk to me about anything, past or present. He wont go to counseling. The real problem is, I realized I made a mistake in moving away from my family and now want to go home. He is happy where we live. The other problem is that even though he has given me no indication that he would be unfaithful, I dont trust him and feel like I am wasting time away from my family to be with him and then it will all just happen again. A lot of things have already fallen back into their usual pattern. I have tried to talk to him about it but all I get is "I love you" and he cries. I still catch him lying about things, some significant, some not. I have pretty much made my decision as to what to do, but I was wondering if anyone had any insight on the matter. Sometimes an impartial person can see things more clearly and have the best advice. I am afraid that whatever I decide will set me off and make me severely depressed and suicidal. Thanks in advance.
     
  2. sadsong

    sadsong Staff Alumni

    hi, i'm so sorry everything seems to have been really tough for you.

    The only advice i can give is that maybe it's time to put yourself first. Trust is vital for a relationship, and although it can be built its hard work. The most important thing you can do is find yourself again, to become your own person, whether that with your husband or your family. Maybe a break would be good? But maybe you need to try and work through it? i don't have those answers i'm afraid, but as i said, you have to put yourself as priority at the moment.

    Lizzy. xxx
     
  3. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hi ... it does sound like you have been through alot and that you have managed to come through it all with a good understanding of what you want and need... as Lizzy said trust is paramount in a relationship and not only do you not have it with him.. it sounds like he does not deserve it..

    as someone who has stayed in a relationship "hoping" "thinking" "being pressured by others to stay" in the slight possibility that "it will eventually work out" i say go with your heart and make that move you believe is the best for you... go where you will thrive and grow... if you are worried about slipping into a depression.. take care to monitor your feelings.. take care of your physical health .. as well as your social health .. and if after all that you do feel like you may be slipping into depression.. get help right away... see your doctor and or therapist..

    i think you will be ok... it sounds like you are strong enough to live for you...
    hugs and hope...
     
  4. Any Advice

    Any Advice Guest

    Thank you both for your insight. Along with my parents and friends, I have come up with a plan to move home next month. I had this plan before I posted, but I guess I just needed validation of what I already know and just needed to hear it from someone that was impartial. You are both absolutely right that I need some time to myself and for myself. And I am strong, but it still hurts. I know I have family and friends that will support me and that love me and that will help me get through this. Thank you both so much for taking the time to help me. And as AllofMe said, I am strong enough to live for me and will try to remind myself of this every day. Thanks again.
     
  5. kittie kat

    kittie kat Active Member

    Leave the dude... (I SWEAR HE DOESNT DESERVE U AT ALL!!! I would hurt him for u!)... and move in with ur family for support...
    no other way out... coz ur life ryt now isnt makin u happy... ITS UR RIGHT TO BE HAPPY AND ITS UR RIGHT TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE THAT SUITS U...
     
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