I have been married for 13 years and about five years ago became ill and was diagnosed with severe depression Things got very bad in my life and marraige and twice I made a serious attempt at ending my life. The last time was in 2004 because I was so distraught over what my life with my husband had turned into - drugs, loser friends, etc. The final straw was when I caught him planning on cheating on me with his old girlfriend. Of course he denied all the phone calls to and from her. I had to go out of town and was sure that he was going to do something when I was gone. I was upset because I had stoped drinking and doing drugs and we were supposedly trying to straighten out our lives and were working on our relationship and he "only wanted me". He did it anyway. When I came home, I tried to believe it didn't happen and he promised me he only loved me and had never cheated on me or been with anyone else. Like an a**, I wanted to believe him. We made love and I thought we were going to work on things and make it alright. The next day I realized something was wrong - he gave me a disease. I went to the Doctor to confirm this, but was misdiagnosed. So now I am thinking that I'm just paranoid and maybe he didnt do anything. After a few weeks, I got sicker and sicker, 103 degree fevers, nausea and vomiting and severe abdominal pain. Turns out I had chlamydia and a pelvic infection. I confronted him and he swore he didn't do anything! When I threw divorce papers in his face and told him to get out, he finally admitted what I knew to be true. I threw him out of the house, but later took him back. I found out some more about some of the things he had done and threw him out again, but this time I was so hurt and distraught that I overdosed and ended up in the hospital. I realize now how much I hurt my family and friends and how much they truly care about me and would never want to hurt them by hurting myself again. My husband and I moved away to start our life over. He doesn't drink or do drugs, has stopped all contact with the loser friends and has been nothing but sweet, loving and attentive and it seems that he truly loves me. But he never talks to me about anything. It's like pulling teeth trying to get him to talk to me about anything, past or present. He wont go to counseling. The real problem is, I realized I made a mistake in moving away from my family and now want to go home. He is happy where we live. The other problem is that even though he has given me no indication that he would be unfaithful, I dont trust him and feel like I am wasting time away from my family to be with him and then it will all just happen again. A lot of things have already fallen back into their usual pattern. I have tried to talk to him about it but all I get is "I love you" and he cries. I still catch him lying about things, some significant, some not. I have pretty much made my decision as to what to do, but I was wondering if anyone had any insight on the matter. Sometimes an impartial person can see things more clearly and have the best advice. I am afraid that whatever I decide will set me off and make me severely depressed and suicidal. Thanks in advance.