Any touchers around?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Mortem, Jun 5, 2008.

  1. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Ok, trying to figure something out here. Are you the sort of person who like to touch other people? Things like grabbing someone by the wrists, putting your hand on someones shoulder, brief hugs, "spontaneous" things like that?

    If you do this, why do you do it? Like, what are you thinking? What goes on inside your head? Is there any *subtle* hint one could make to let you know one doesn't want to be touched?

    Anyone who isn't a toucher and might have some clues/guesses is also most welcome. :)
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I am definitely someone who has a tendency to touch people a lot. Though when I know someone doesn't like it, I restrain myself.

    When it's someone I haven't known for a long time yet, I often say in the beginning when I touch them, something along the lines of "do you mind? If you do, just tell me and I will not do it." And that often works.
    Have to admit, I don't do it with everyone, mostly just those I'm close with or whom I feel connected to or at ease with.

    In general I find that the best way to go around is just tell me if you'd rather not have me being touchy around you :dunno: I'm not someone to easily take offence, and tbh I don't think there's anyone who would be upset, as I think there are so many people who don't like being touched, anyone should understand. If that makes sense.

    As to your question why I do it... I don't know. I just feel more connected with them if I touch them now and then when in a conversation. Plus for me it's a way to show that I care and am paying attention to them. I often seem mentally absent, but touching them is a way of showing I'm actually not. Plus for myself, it's affection I need really. I need physical contact every now and then (not talking about sex, but the hand on shoulder, hand on knee, etc), to feel alive. :rolleyes:
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I am the opposite of a toucher, I find it very very awkward and completely unnatural to touch/be touched even in the most absent-minded ways and with the most innocent of intentions.

    For some people, though, it is an integral part of everyday interaction. Maybe they feel they need physical stimulus to generate a profound or deep connection with people that just can't be gotten from words floating into their ears.
  4. RenegadeWill

    RenegadeWill Account Closed

    I don't like it either. If someone puts their hand on my shoulder, depending on whether I particularly like or dislike the person and whether I'm willing to make the effort to tolerate them, I will just turn and look at their hand, then back at them trying to give them the distinct impression, that no, I don't want to be touched by them, yes, I am concerned about where their hand has been prior to touching me, and yes, you have made me feel dirty since there's a reasonable chance you have just used that hand to scratch/relieve/itch/pleasure yourself recently, so I'll have to go and find a bathroom, to clean whatever you may have had on your hands, off of me. Now thanks for wasting my time you prick, I'll be sure to run away next time you try and talk to me.

    If it's touching with someone I like or love, then hey, more for it. But for casual acquaintences, strangers or distant or even close family members, I'll give it a pass.
  5. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I'm not a fan of being touched/touching anyone. Generally I freeze up, no idea why, but yeah. Usually if someone doesn't want to be touched, they'd probably either say something, or something in their body language would let you know that they don't like it.
  6. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    No, quite the opposite, though I'm not as bad as I once was. I think in my first or second post on this site I actually requested that no one use the hug smiley when responding to me. :rolleyes: I'm not quite that bad these days, but I'm still no fan of gratuitous touching. But, yeah, I do like my space.

    I guess I try to accept it in the spirit it is offered. If I think they're just excited or happy and doing it spontaneously, I'll probably just play along and not say anything. But if I feel the person doing it is trying to be jerk, I'll probably ask them to knock it off...though at this stage of my life such demonstrations are pretty much a theoretical idea rather than an actual one.
  7. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    hah i diffinatly touch people a lot :]
  8. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Many thanks for the replies!

    Personally I have a rather severe touch aversion and it seems to have become worse with time, it doesn't matter who touches me either. I feel incredibly dirty/stained once it happens.
    It's now been almost 2 months since someone touched me. She grabbed both my wrists once and put her hand on my shoulder several times, I'm still processing it and it's really eating me alive lol. I've been trying to comprehend why she and her kind behaves the way they do.

    Ish. - I think you mentioned one of the key phrases: to be at ease. It sort of confirmed what I suspected; that "these people" feel very comfortable around others and this allows them to behave in that manner. Your information has been most helpful to me, domo arigatou. :smile:

    As for telling people off... sure, but in some situations and with certain personalities that just doesn't seem suitable. Such as the last confrontation.
  9. LoD

    LoD Well-Known Member

    Mortem, I heard a theory once about people and their likings...You only have 3 different people and ways you can make them happy in.

    You have people who like being touched or to touch others themselves, to express how they feel and to make others feel appreciated.

    You have people who like gifts, materialists who also express their emotions by giving gifts.

    And then you have those you can make happy with a kind word and who'll express their emotions with words.

    Most people can be divided into one of those 3 groups and knowing which one helps making them feel appreciated...

    As it seems you're not one who likes touching and/or being touched. ^^ So just try to make your way with words, it'll be easier expressing it that way than waiting for the solution to jump you.

    I can understand it's hard, I myself have a hard time expressing anything. But what other way to make people know your thoughts, then speaking them?
  10. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Depends who it is, if I like them it's 'i want to kiss you right now!' kind of thing, without sex or anything. I'm just naturally affectionate with people I like in real life (and they are very few). :dry:

    If they aren't I don't want them near me. To me they are poison and I hate being touched in public by men or women who think they have the right to do that, that and call me their 'love'

    With my gf I know she doesn't want to be touched when she just says no repeatedly...and I'm okay with that. Otherwise I'm just jumping on her all the time. But i don't see her too often. so when we get together she's okay with me being affectionate but after a day or so we need to get away from each other because..of lots of things...
  11. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    Good thread!

    "Touchy feely people" Yikes! / Yuck!.......I have a 2 foot zone of personal space around me that I am not happy for folk to intrude on.....

    FWIW my late Missus was much the same as me, one of things we shared that helped make a favourable first impression :biggrin:

    Touching someone else, simply as part of day to day conversation?........just seems kinda freaky to me :blink:
  12. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    i'm a touchy person u can say but why do i do it? Cause it means that i care and showing how much they mean to me, and like what ish said to be more focus with them, cause i'm a.d.d and i can get away :laugh:
  13. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    well,i am a very touchy feely person.i love giving and receiving hugs,i love to poiletly touch people on their shoulder,or whatever.sometimes it's playful flirting,cause i am just a big flirt,but other times,i dont even realize i do it. like, i just am one of those people who like phsyical contact because it shows that we have more than just talking as a communication, we can touch, and other stuff.idk.its just me i guess :p
  14. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Exactly the same here!
  15. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I'm like this too. I realise I'm flirting with people and I don't even know what I'm doing! :laugh: or I'm making sexual jokes with my therapist and I only realise this 2 days later.
  16. special_needs

    special_needs Well-Known Member

    I want to do it a lot of times... I just cant :unsure:
  17. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    If I feel a connection I touch them, I used to be unrestrained and hug the boys at work, partly because they would get upset and it made me laugh, I actually got them to switch sifts with me a few times just by hugging them lol!

    But now if I feel a connection i either hug, or stroke their hair. I havn't come across a problem so far but I think I'm good at reading people...
  18. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I don't like touching or being touched unless it's within a serious relationship. Shaking hands or hugging an old friend or relative is ok tho, anything else I really dislike.
  19. zRichi

    zRichi Member

    I totally am =D

    but cos im a guy it usually tends to be a punch on the arm or messing up a girls hair :p

    which actually, now i think of it, is probably quite annoying :dry:

    but I'm really rigid around ppl i don't it's just a caring thing i guess
  20. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Bit curious about your former relationship there. Was it a relationship without physical contact? Or was it more like ok to touch/be touched by eachother but not by others?