Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Lionheart, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    Has anybody else ever found it scary or hard to find someone?

    I keep running away from people who try to get near me, anybody else get scared like that?
     
  2. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    scary and hard, yes, but I don't particularly run away so much as push people away. I'm just going through a very dark ending to a non-relationship, the most intense and toughest yet. Commitment has never been a problem, in fact with me it's the opposite, it's as if I always think the woman is going to be 'the one', the one who saves me. One day I'll learn there is only me can save me.
    When you say it's scary and hard, and you run away from those who try to get near you, can you say what it is that scares you and in what way you run away from them?
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    I think I'm just scared to enter a relationship because they always leave, no matter what. I don't need to run away from them because they always leave first. That just reinforces the idea that I am a bad person who doesn't deserve to be loved.
     
  4. Sephaus

    Sephaus Well-Known Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    That's one of the reasons when I'm out in public I avoid eye contact with a lot of people, especially if it's a woman I find attractive. I have no confidence in trying to start a relationship so I try to appear as uninterested as possible
     
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    How can I possibly entertain the thought of having a relationship with a woman if I hate myself? I'd have to love myself and have confidence before even beginning to talk to a girl. Its just never going to happen. :(
     
  6. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    I remember I had the same reasons about hiding eye contact with people. Somebody once told me to stop 'eyeballin' them so it shook me a little bit but on the brighter side it did help me to try and look people in the eyes more then not, but I always look back to when I was told that with a bit of shame.
     
  7. Sephaus

    Sephaus Well-Known Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    I always experience a great deal of anxiety when I do find a woman attractive and she meets my eyes because I expect to receive a look of disgust or scorn in return. I've dealt with so much humiliation in my life growing up that I do anything in my power now to avoid it as much as possible. I know it's going to be something I'll always experience at times in my life but I strive to keep humiliating moments in my life to a minimum, as much as I'm able to.
     
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    My problems with relationships are infinite. I'm shy and lack confidence. I don't think I'm good enough for anyone. Yet I am also incredibly selfish and narcissistic. I am clingy, jealous and possessive. I have abandonment issues. But I also get bored with people. I let other people control and manipulate me, but then, I'm also very capable of emotional detachment. I'm demanding and set high standards for myself and others. Yet I don't believe I'm worthy of anyone who would meet those standards. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. I push people away, then beg for them to come back. I get lonely when I'm with no one, then I feel trapped when I'm with someone. All I want is love, but I'm afraid to find it, because then I would constantly worry about losing it. I am filled with lust and yet terrified of sex. I want someone to cater to my every need, but I also need them to need me as much as I need them. I'm a fucking mess and I will probably never be in a satisfying relationship, even though it's the only thing I want out of life. I'm screwed, but not literally of course, because the only people I've ever had a chance to have sex with are people that I didn't want to have sex with. Whatever issues you think you have when it comes to relationships, I'm sure mine are just as bad, if not worse.

    Oh yeah, and the eye contact thing... forget about it. If I find a woman even the slightest bit attractive, eye contact is out of the question. If she looks at me, I will look away and pretend like I don't see her looking at me. I'm incredibly intimidated by women that I'm attracted to.
     
  9. iridescence

    iridescence New Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    I'm glad that other people struggle with this as well. After loving my parents only to watch them dismiss me and choose alcohol/lies/themselves over me, I am so terrified of unrequited love that I can't let myself get close to people. I end up running away from girls I really like, because I don't want to infect them with my crazy. That plus my serious body image issues has done a real number on my love life. I'd really like to lose my virginity at some point (sex seems like fun! And I know that kissing girls is fun!), but right now I don't see myself getting over this.
     
  10. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    im scared and always avoid. i think its 'cos im not totally secure with myself and fear rejection and trusting someone.
     
  11. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    Re: Anybody else ever struggled with commitment and confidence finding a relationship

    me too :blue: