Anybody miss seeing their shrink?

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by downunder, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I was seeing a shrink for a about a year and half. Work sent me there and paid for it. I was seeing her due to the loss of my daughter through suicide, and having suicidal feelings myself. Work told me they would no longer pay for me to see her anymore. So I thought well I cannot become dependant on her and keep seeing her, so I might as well stop seeing her.

    She wanted me to keep seeing her, and offered me a reduced price, then when I said no she reduced her price again. I still said no. Because I want to stand on my own 2 feet and sort out my own problems and not be paying someone to be my friend and share my troubles with.

    The problem is that I miss her so much. She was not perfect and had lots of attitude. She could be quite sarcastic at times, but I still miss her. She also said to my husband that her door was always open, and thanked me for being a good patient etc.

    Suicidal feelings are coming back, and its really hard that I can't really talk to anyone about them because I don't want to freak people out, and have people dob me in to the CAT team.

    At work though I have been occasionally letting hints go, and I shouldn't be doing it as it can freak people out, but it is so hard to keep it all in. The other day someone was telling another person that they should celebrate their 50 birthday as it was special occasion blah blah blah. Then I told her I didn't do anything special for my 40th, as it was a just another day that I was stuck on this planet for another year. She told me it was awful to hear that. I know I shouldn't have said it but it popped out.

    At work we have to put on our assessment our future career goals, I don't really have any, and feel that I am just existing. I can't really say my career goal is to just stay on the planet can I.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter....
    i can understand why you feel that way...I've lost a child to suicide to..
    I don't have any advice as it's still early in my grief but i know I definately need my counselor..
    maybe you should go back to her if you feel you need to....
    you can pm me if you ever need to...take care..
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Could you go back and see her?

    Sometimes the road to recovery involves being dependent on someone and then learning to grow and grow away from them (sort of like a child growing up and reaching adult hood, but far quicker). At her reduced rate, could you pay?
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    losing a child you need support please call your doctor back get help as long as you need it as long as she is willing to give it to you. strength is reaching out for help okay Call your doctor back let her know you are not well I know your daughter would want that you need to do this now okay.
  5. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Thanx for your suggestions, one of my problems is asking for help, I just find it so hard. I even tried ringing lifeline, and then when someone answers I just hang up, because I don't know where to start.
  6. Mordeci

    Mordeci Banned Member

    I miss two of my former doctors actually one I have been thinking about alot lately. He was my first therpist I was 14 the school said I had to see him because I was having outburst. Anyway he diagnosed me with depression, and was very nice man, I saw him for a few months then one week he canclled because he was in the hospital with amonia, the next week he was dead, crying just thinking about it, the only death I ever cried for, my grandma, my uncle who died in 9/11 as a firefighter, nothing, at my uncles funeral I was in a church filled with cameras and hundreds of people sobing their hearts out and I couldn't shed a tear, but this upsets me. The second is the first therpist I found when I moved to go to law school, we had a great repor and personality wise we really clicked, then one day I read her a passage from a book I really liked that I thought applied to me, she asked to take it for a week, the next week she said she can't see me anymore because I need more intense therpay then what she does, that was very stand up thing to do most doctors would just take the money and run she was genuilly concerned about my health. I keep in touch from time to time with updates but no formal appoiments but she said if my current doctor goes on vacation she would be happy to see me for a week or two.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2010
  7. NutJob

    NutJob Member


    I can completely relate to how people feel about missing their therapist, as I have recently experienced the loss of yet another therapist/counsellor from my life (and not through choice)

    To date, I have exceeded the resources of 2 private counsellors, 1 NHS counsellor and 1 NHS psychiatrist - the NHS professionals are slightly different, as you only get a certain amount of time allocated with them, but it's still difficult. In fact, the NHS psychiatrist was without doubt the best professional I have come into contact with during my slide into despair, and even though I haven't seen her for nearly a year now, it continues to hurt :(

    More recently, I saw the conclusion of my relationship with the second of the private therapists I have seen over the course of the past 3 years, largely prompted by me flipping out on her in one of our sessions. It just all became too much for me to hold in anymore, and I unleashed the suicidality I'd been trying so hard to keep a lid on in one uncontrollable torrent. After that, my therapist told me she couldn't work with me anymore, given that I am so 'highly suicidal' much to my shame and upset. I went for one final session last Thursday, so we could have an ending which was as positive as possible, and it was really upsetting. What made it even more challenging is the fact that I think my therapist would have liked to continue to work with me if she could have, and she apologised for not being able to stay with me 'for the duration.' She recommended that the next therapist I seek should be a psychotherapist, who is mature, and can stay with me for the duration, but thinks I should give myself a break from therapy for a while.

    I don't know about anyone else, but for me, the departure of all these professionals from my life makes me feel like I am too much for them to handle (which, in turn, leads to me feeling ashamed and guilty.) Therefore, downunder, as hard as it is to ask for help, I would urge you to return to your therapist if you can. You've obviously built up a special relationship and shouldn't worry about becoming dependent on her - a good therapist realises and accepts that dependence is an important part of the therapeutic relationship.

    With love and best wishes xx
  8. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Thanx I did end up seeing her on Monday. My boss at work wanted to know if my appointments were going to be a regular thing. She wondered why I was back as she said last time she saw me, that I was "adamant" that I wouldn't see her again. She also mentioned that she had been thinking about me a lot. I told her that she shouldn;t be. I also mentioned that my nephew was born on the day my daughter died, and she teared up. She wants to see me fortnightly, but I am seeing her again in 3 weeks, I think I would just prefer now and then.
  9. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    first of all, im so sorry to hear about your daughter.

    im glad that you are able to see your therapist again. even if the sessions wont be regular, its nice to have someone there.
  10. NutJob

    NutJob Member

    downunder - That's great news you were brave enough to see your therapist again, well done ;) The fact that she'd been thinking about you proves you obviously had quite an impact on her too.

    It's good to know you've re-established the relationship, now you have to make it suit your needs - if that means only seeing your therapist every so often, then so be it. You've done the hardest part by going back to her, and should be very proud of yourself for doing so xx
  11. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    I mildy miss the one in the hospital but not really. I just miss the fact that i actually got along with him right off the bat and he wasn't creepy or weird he was nice and wasn't behind the times and basically the fact that we 'hit it off' right away while outside i have yet to find anyone who i find even remotely ok.
  12. twc

    twc Well-Known Member

    I am very anti-psychiatry at this point in my life (and not in the scientology way, thank goodness), so I would be a bit more critical. Maybe your instincts about standing on your own two feet were right. You can't continually pay someone to be your friend. Sure, most of us here are in crisis of some sort and need someone to talk to right away. But after months or years, it's time to reconnect with someone without money changing hands.

    Now, that's not to say that your feelings for each other aren't real. Obviously you share a connection. But...what happens when the money is not there?

    Just a few words of warning.
  13. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    thanx TWC for the warning, actually saw her again on Monday, and felt so much worse after seeing her, so might give it away.

    She just cracked it. I am a bit thin but still in the healthy weight range for my height. She says "I am a doctor you know", "I don';t know how to say this, but I will still keep seeing you even if you have this problem, you know that seeing me is voluntary". The next one really took the cake. She says "you should start eating and taking responsibility for your actions, you could ride your motorbike, pass out and kill somebody". I told her I had been eating, then she questions whether I am telling the truth, I told her she could ask my other half who was waiting outside, if she didn't believe me. Her eyes were tearing up.

    I mean for a start if someone has an eating problem, just by telling them to eat, is not going to make them eat. She told me I had to eat more, and that I was so skinny. What could she say to get it through to me. I am not anorexic, nor bulimic. I will admit that I don't eat heaps, but I am in the healthy range for my height.

    Telling me to take responsibility for my actions, really got me angry. I mean I raised my daughter until she was 5 as a single parent, whilst working full time. I don't do drugs, or alcohol and I only took 1 week off work after my daughter died. She is the first person in my whole life to tell to take responsibility. Also I am not in any sort of debt.
  14. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I kinda miss going to regular appointments... Its been a while since I've seen a therapist and doctor for my Depression and what not. And now I'm struggling to find one... If I had just stuck with it I would still have a doctor for it now.