Okay so i think i've messed up, and i'd love some clarification from you guys. The last few weeks i have been rather depressed. I was researching methods and somehow i couldn't stop myself. But the thing it, i knew i couldn't go through with it. My family relies on me too much and i'd feel even more of a failure if i abandoned them. I know the impact death has. It was like i was indulging a fantasy i knew i could never attain. I emailed my psychologist asking for an earlier session, saying how i was feeling including that i wanted to give up. She replied saying she was concerned about my words "wanting to give up" and could i please explain. I replied saying that i wasn't suicidal. I didn't want to concern her, and i'd still be alive to talk to her next session. But the thing is, i don't know if i am or not!! This is incredibly stupid but was i? Even though i couldn't stop myself from being fascinated by all the methods and their various reliabilities, even though i did want to just give up, even though i was incredibly hopeless and despairing. Even though all of that, i knew i wouldn't go through with anything. I'm worried about what i told her, and i'm worried about explaining all of this. Anything you have to say will be so helpful, cause i feel so lost right now.