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anyone dealing with Oppositional Defiant Disorder in their kids?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by theleastofthese, Dec 29, 2007.

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  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My youngest daughter has it and it is the reason she is temporarily living with a family from our church. We just COULD NOT get along, nor did she want to live with her dad. it was impossible. Now that she's living elsewhere some of the pressure is taken off me but a new "pressure" is upon me... from her dad, who disapproves of her living arrangement and blames me for her problems and blames me for "getting rid of her"... in his words. He tells me that she's just a "typical teen" and that I should "deal with it"...:dry: This from the long-distance-intermittant parent...:dry: who has no idea what she's really like.

    I didn't "get rid of her" - it was her decision to move in with this family and if it can help her accept the idea of counseling and help her bring her grades up in school I'd say it's in her best interest... if only her dad would stop beating me up over it...:sad:

    I'd never heard of Oppostitional Defiant Disorder before she was diagnosed with it, but it's certainly a perfect description of her behavior and attitude. If anyone else is dealing with it, or has dealt with it, do you have any suggestions? I'm not living with her now but any time we have anything to do with each other it ends up badly, with one or both of us yelling and upset, and I don't want to ruin our relationship... but am sick to death of being treated like a taxi or an ATM... and getting no respect at all.

    frustrated mother of an O.D.D. kid...
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Firstly and most importantly, your ex can fuck right off. Must be nice up there on that high horse.

    Secondly, I think I had that as a teen! My Mother and I could not be in the same ROOM together without an all-out war. I mean screaming, cursing, criticizing, pushing each other and throwing/breaking things. Put it this way, police became involved at one point (she called the cops on me).

    But I will tell you this: I NEVER stopped loving her and missing the connection we used to have, ever. I used to cry over it. I really, really missed her and the closeness we used to share. Then one day, she started being less critical of me and letting me live my own life and make my own choices (I'm not saying any of this is your doing, just my personal experience). I too, went to live with another family from a church and boy did I miss my Mommy after 9 months of that! She realized that I needed to make my own mistakes and I realized that she was just a person too, not this perfect person who didn't have the right to make mistakes of her own.

    Now we get along famously! She is my best friend, and although we have (many) differences, we have learned to respect each other as individuals and our relationship has never been better.

    You sound a LOT like my Mom, Least. You are a good person, a single Mother, who has all of this shit on her shoulders and your daughter is resenting you for you. Trust me, deep down, she knows how much you love her and is secure in that love. That is the very reason she is so comfortable crapping all over you (lucky you). She obviously blames her Father somewhat but doesn't feel as comfortable doing the same to him because she is not as secure in his love, so she piles the load on your shoulders because she knows that you will always be there to scrape up the pieces. Small consolation, I know.

    Trust me, someday soon she will realize that you are her biggest advocate and that everything you have done (even your mistakes) were done out of love for her.

    She just needs to find her own way for a time, to blame you for a little while for all of her problems. I know it's shitty and trust me, I have apologized profusely more times than I can count for the way I treated my Mother. She will come back to you and it WILL get better. :hug: Just hang in there.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ah the sanctimonious ex other half :dry::mad: Been there worn the t-shirt.

    Left to him my son would have had no school to attend, because he didn't/wouldn't have arranged it. Would be the grand height of 5' cos he couldn't stand hospitals so would not have sorted out his growth hormone treatment..etc...etc.....
    Yet anything left undone or gone wrong, guess who's fault it is/was :dry:

    Ignore the ratbag Least, you know you're doing it for the best.

    And as has already been very eloquently put, time will heal and sort out the whole thing. :hug:
  4. Corieh Infected

    Corieh Infected Well-Known Member

    Don't all kids kinda go through a bit of a defiant period? I mea, right now, with everything that's been going on, and my mom not being able to understand and help.. I don't even want to look at her. I jump for joy when she works late at night and I never do what she asks me too, and if she takes me somewhere I run off half the time. I don't tell her I love her anymore either, but I have my daddy. Maybe your daughter's just having a bit of a rough time, and she hasn't told anyone about it? She might feel like nobody understands her and that might make her act this way.
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