Anyone else feel like they'll never be close to anyone?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by DawsonJ, Mar 20, 2010.

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  1. DawsonJ

    DawsonJ Well-Known Member

    Growing up, I was neglected and taught not to be close to my relatives. Through time, I've lost all my relatives. My mom is the last relative I can be around. Even she left my dad and me when I was on Disability for Bipolar Disorder. I was left to care for my dying invalid father. Suffice it to say, I feel like I can never be close to anyone. I want to fall in love, but I can't stand the thought of risking my heart. Any ideas?
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    My advice would be to take small steps. Work on building some friendships first (if you haven't already). That will give you the opportunity to connect with people.
  3. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    sorry for not giving advice here but personally, i wouldnt want to be close to anybody, people in general are pretty much worthless really.
  4. DawsonJ

    DawsonJ Well-Known Member

    I've got friends, but I never really hang out with them. Once in a while, I'll start feeling good about them, but then the fear of losing them pushes my mind against my heart. In this case, my mind wins, and my affection is suppressed. So, it's a vicious cycle.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2010
  6. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    I have it on firm knowledge I will always be alone, not matter where I go, what I try or what I do. Real life...forums...chatrooms..."social" groups...

    I have tried to redress this, but nothing has worked and now I have nothing left.

    That is how life has dictated my life for me. I didn't ask for it, I did everything to avoid it.

    Well, if thats what life wants - it can have it. And it soon will.
  7. DawsonJ

    DawsonJ Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for posting. Misery loves company. It's good to know I'm not alone in this feeling.
  8. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    its hard for me to get close to people, and when i do find myself getting attached..i usually pull away.
  9. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    you are not alone in this. for years i kept people at arms length because i didn't want them to find out who i really am. after i came out i guess i just kept them away out of habit. i have friends. i talk to my immediate family often. but i still feel like nobody really knows me. and if they did they wouldn't like me. you are not alone in this.

    i keep trying to stay in touch with people and that's the best advice i can give at this point. it still feels fake to me but at least it's better than being alone.
  10. DawsonJ

    DawsonJ Well-Known Member

    Thanks, foreverYoung and nimbus. You have helped me to understand that others feel the same as I. I should soon be moving to another locale with a much friendlier reputation, so I'm hoping that I will gain much from the emotional change and change of scenery. If it's by my rules, instead of by forced circumstances, I should fare better. I hope you all can find what you need emotionally. That is what we all really need, I believe.
  11. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    My thought exactly, 44 now, have never ever been remotely close to anyone, wouldn't know how even if I wanted to but just can't see why anyone would want to be close to me.

    Thank you all for posting. Misery loves company. It's good to know I'm not alone in this feeling. dawsonj
    Yeah dawson, too many of us have that feeling, you're not alone, now we need to figure out a solution.:sad:
  12. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i don't know that i believe that any of us are meant to live our lives in isolation. isolation of course seems to be more of a choice where as lonliness is more ones circumstances. i believe lonliness is a natural feeling everyone feels from time to time in life, but isolation really is by choice and i very much feel for those who chose this. i know it's not pretty i used to be like this myself. although my time with it was brief. i believe i am totally meant to be alone when it comes to having a significant other. i don't want one and this is how it has always been meant to be despite even my ten years of marriage. hey i tried it. it's all in a persons choices. not most of the time but a big chunk of time i like to spend around others. then there is the rest of my time i cherish having to myself. for me there really has to be a balance for it to work without going mad in any direction. just my personal out take thanks for listening and take care
  13. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    No, I don't feel that way at all.
  14. DawsonJ

    DawsonJ Well-Known Member

    Well, I have an active social life and I usually have an excellent reputation wherever I work, when I can work. But for me, everything: every place, every person, etc. must be temporary. I don't feel like I can ever really bond with anybody or settle down in one place or to one job. I guess I still need time to work through my past problems. I just wish I could feel comfortable in staying in just one place long enough to get to know someone who may make me feel like she might be able to help me to trust her.
  15. legat0

    legat0 Active Member

    I know I'll never be close to anyone. After learning about the human body - every organ, structure, hormone, bodily fluid, and how we age physically and psychologically - I really don't want to be near anyone physically or even visually see someone.
  16. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    It's opposite for me.

    I get close to people but when they try to get close to me....emotinally,physically or mentally etc, I don't let them go beyond the invisble layer they know not to cross. Alot of my friends know not to show up unannounced or call....cuz I will not answer the door or call back.
  17. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Yes. I feel vulnerable when I start getting close to someone.. so usually sabotage it.
    In some ways I wish I could change this but in another way it's protected me from staying with people who are no good for me.
    Which seems to be pretty much everyone...
  18. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I've pretty much known the fact that I may forever be alone. But at times I'd always like to be with someone, just the possiblity of it happening is so fucking slight :laugh:. If it's just me and nature, all alone...then I'm fine with that :tongue:. I like things to be quiet, not over the top and flamboyant(that's probly spelt incorrectly lol).

    If it's just me, I can live with that :biggrin:!
  19. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I feel like my lack of confidence stops me from getting close to people, because the second anything goes wrong (like a petty argument or disagreement for instance) I run, and most of the time I blame myself.
    Similar to what others have said it's a vulnerability thing also, it's so difficult to be vulnerable with someone when you never have before, or worse than that... you have and you got burned.
    For anyone who suffers with depression, likelihood is they also suffer from being overly sensitive and that is a bad combination when it comes to trying to make real friendships.
    I can't start a friendship or a relationship with somebody by going "oh and by the way I am overly sensitive" they would run a mile!!
  20. DawsonJ

    DawsonJ Well-Known Member

    You and I are on the same page, Aurora Gory Alice. I am feeling you on the lack of confidence. Sometimes I'll want to say something humorous, but be so nervous about it that I will just laugh nervously and uncontrollably, without clearly saying it, thus ruining the moment.
    I just want to be "normal" with a wife to trust and share my life with, but that's merely a dream.
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