Anyone else felt euphoric when they attempted it?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Witan, Oct 20, 2011.

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  1. Witan

    Witan Member

    Normally when I have suicidal feelings it's because I'm depressed or anxious (or most likely both) and just desperately want to get off the emotional roller coaster.

    A few weeks ago (September 30th, to be exact), I came the closest I've ever come to actually doing it. I was alone, I had the means, and I knew that I could go through with it right then. There was no doubt, no fear. And I felt happy, practically euphoric. I was excited to just go and do it, like it was Christmas morning. Recently I've thought about how gravestones have two dates, and that we all know the first date, but few of us learn the second date until right before it happens. I just remember feeling serene that I finally knew what that second date on my gravestone was going to be.

    While I was in the hospital, one of my fellow patients said that it was probably because I had made the decision to do it, and felt relieved. And it is true that this is the first time when I've set a precise date and time. I was thinking "today, September 30th, 2011, I am going to end my life".

    Has anyone else felt this way when they've attempted or come close to attempting suicide?
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Many have felt that sense of calmness of peace almost in that they felt they had control over something finally but when the attempt was made it was of fear that they did not want to die but just wanted the sadness and pain to leave
  3. Witan

    Witan Member

    I think that was probably it. I knew that I was finally going to do it, right that day, and so I knew that my battle with depression and anxiety would finally be over.

    It may be horrible to say this, but to be perfectly honest I sometimes regret not doing it. Living with severe depression and constant anxiety is not a life worth living.
  4. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    euphoric well, i did feel my heart beating in my chest.
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I was high on the feeling. Yes, I know perfectly what you mean. It's not relief to be free of pain, it's the joy of finishing a monumental task that's taken all of your effort. A life's work.
  6. Baldr

    Baldr Moderator Staff Member Safety & Support

    I had exactly the same, I felt like I had made peace with everything and when I was cycling to the tracks I was really peaceful, almost happy.
    (Eventually, when I was standing on the tracks with the train approaching I got hope again for a better life and stepped off)
  7. Slothbear

    Slothbear Well-Known Member

    In the past when i've made dates and plans i've been happy. It's a wonderful feeling.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    yeah i have, it happened when i walked right into the XXXXXX( edited methods out by myself there).I felt as high as a kite, on top of the world, like i could do anything, almost fly lol! :lol!: unfortunately that feeling didnt last too long, til the firebrigades and ambulance got there :(
  9. Fredericks

    Fredericks Well-Known Member

    The closest I think I ever got (that I remember) was Feb 12, 2007, and for about five-ten minutes, all I felt was certain. Not afraid, not sad, just certain that THIS was the day, that I could do it, that I wouldn't screw it up. It wasn't really euphoric: I don't remember feeling happy, but I was completely calm and driven, and I felt powerful. But then the moment passed, and I broke down.
  10. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I think the euphoria started when I started giving my things away… I guess because you sort of get into that headspace where you can do whatever you want and there won't be any consequences, and none of it really matters… so it's like being free.
  11. k8ty

    k8ty Member

    that was me recently, very recent, so calm, so happy, cause well, i had made that choice, i had decided it was all going to end - so from that point, wow, the best i had been in awhile.
  12. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member


    Every time I self-harm or anything like that, I feel extremely euphoric. It's like nothing else matters, and I'm not thinking about anything. Just a feeling of bliss and... It feels amazing.

    Then later I end up snapping out of it and regret what I've done and feel terrible. ): So it's kind of like a high followed by a low, I guess, hah.
  13. under1

    under1 Member

    I felt happy and free, but at the same time I was afraid of the pain. I was going to do it a few weeks ago but I am still here because I was afraid of the pain that came with the method I was going to do. I agree with the last comment, I feel happy when I cut and I feel like Ive acomplished something. I dont know why, its weird.
  14. GreatSparks

    GreatSparks New Member

    I've attempted suicide more than once before and I've just felt calm, and happy (kind of a strange word to use, because if I were happy I'd not be attempting suicide..).

    But I think it was because I really thought that I would be ending my life, and it was what I wanted more than anything at that moment.
  15. Ashandarei

    Ashandarei New Member

    I've felt more like that than euphoric. I usually break down when it comes to writing the note though. There's not really a good way to say goodbye.
  16. NQ1340

    NQ1340 Member

    not eupheric, more like "relaxing" or "refreshing"

    I do feel eupheric, however, when thinking back about the fact that it failed (and not get noticed). Kinda feel like I gained something not everyone have a chance to
  17. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    the only constant in a chaotic mess of uncertainties

    especially when youre someone who tries to control their environment, and has failed miserably
  18. Nick_K

    Nick_K Well-Known Member

    I've felt relaxed when I get down to concrete planning. It certainly resolves a lot of worries and you can cross everything off your to-do list, which if you're depressed is only a source of self incrimination.

    Then I realize what my family is going to go through and I back out. Still I'm just dragging myself through life. How good of a front can I possibly be putting up? I'm sure they can sense this but don't want to because I'm supposedly the strong one and more people confide in me than don't.
  19. Fuloqwam

    Fuloqwam Member

    I think the feeling of euphoria a lot of people feel can be attributed to the adrenalin the comes from actually making the decision to take your own life.

    Yeah, mine was a lot like this. It was almost a feeling of satisfaction. I made my second attempt about a month ago. It was extremely painful, but I really felt at peace while it was happening. It felt like I was on fire, I was like "This needs to happen. Just a little more and it's then over."
  20. CosmikJack

    CosmikJack Member

    I remember crying and then all of a sudden it was like the shackles were off of me and I was free. I would not say it was a euphoric but it was peace in a can, I felt myself slowly drifting away, no cares, no worries. I was relaxed and more conscious than i ever had been. There was no pain until I woke up in the morning alive, then after saucing myself all day, i remember crying and then it was like the shackles were off again, i did it right in front of my family and i was at peace until my brother choked me out and prevented me from completing. So euphoria for me no, but peace and serenity, happyness, yes.
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