Anyone else hating college/university?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheBLA, Apr 24, 2006.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I'm just really confused. I travel around the internet, looking everywhere to find so many people depressed about college, hating it so much, caused them so much stress and many to ultimately commit suicide. And then I also see many more people that love college, that its the time of their lives, they are away from their parents, they can truly live and be happy.

    I always seem to see the latter when I walk around my very large university of over 30,000 students and it really makes me very angry, frustrated and many times, I feel like killing them, hurting them in a very violent way. I've had several thoughts about killing as many students I could and causing as much destruction and mayhem as I could, though I'm sure I could never ever ever carry it out, but just the thought of all this frigtens me and anyone else I talk to about it. :sad:

    There's also the people that work so extremely hard to get into college and then trying to stay in it because they have a very hard time scrounging up money for tuition, books, etc. There are some that would kill to be in my position of being a college student and I just always feel like the only one that hates it there so much. To me, its pure hell but to many more, its pure paradise and a place where many others desperately want to go to so badly.

    I suppose one reason I hate it so much is because I think I've been wrongly raised by my parents, they mean very well and tried their hardest to raise a rebellious, rude, antisocial, lazy, opposing virtually everything a normal person my age would, etc. But mainly, I feel they sheltered me far too much and I feel extremely immature compared to the other students. For example, I would much, much rather hang out with elementary and middle school students and be their friend than with high school and college students, really weird isn't it? I just don't like being around people my age for instance and of course college is going to be swarming with them. :dry:
    I'm also getting extremely poor grades there and thats unfortunately, mainly due to me, I spend almost all of my time on the computer and internet, I am positively addicted, skipping so many of my classes which my parents are paying hundreds to thousands for and not reading my books which my parents spent a fortune on to help me get an education and a decent paying job which I am all wasting away and taking for granted, which is killing me inside. :sad:

    I must be the only one at my university with absolutely no friends and getting piss poor grades, I seriously feel like the biggest loser there, if they had a loser contest, I would easily be in the top position. :sad: For example, I lost my academic scholarship there due to my piss poor grades and removed myself from the "Honors College" there, for the smart kids. I dunno who was stupider, me for accepting their invitation or them for inviting a total loser like me to join them. I just spent all my time all alone in my apartment room on the computer. That sounds pretty pathetic to most, but I don't like being around people at all, don't want to join any clubs or organizations or anything, why the hell am I so different from everyone!? I know its not right to blame others all the time, but I do blame my parents for raising me wrong and moving around so much so I could experience the extreme pain and tramua of moving and losing my dear friends, I'm one of those guys that really cannot get used to change and adjusting is very difficult for me to a new environment.

    How many here are currently in college/university and are miserable because of it? It would be nice if I could see some miserable students from my own university, but they probably are also like me, they hide their pain and misery as best they can when they are in public and in the classrooms and break down in tears once they reach their home. :sad:

    Sorry for my long boring rant and thanks to everybody that reads it and replies. :smile:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2006
  2. Shadowplay

    Shadowplay Staff Alumni

    Bah, your not a loser. the fact that you got into college makes you better off than something like 20% of PPL your age. I hated it but my hate fuled my grade.
    not that my pre-law degree is being put to any use, haha, i repair amps and guitars, haha. just keep with it man, do what I did, use your HATE to get good grades. I had a 2.5gpa in HS and I graduated college with a 4.0 and im no smarter than you, you CAN do it! :tongue:
     
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Thanks, I actually did quite well in high school, and I could have been one of the smartest if not due to my damn procrastination and all around laziness. :dry:
    Unfortunately, this is really killing me in college now, I am really addicted by my computer and the internet, I absolutely know I can do well in college, I know I can get good grades, but getting them is an all different matter. Even if I am not a loser, I am such so damn different from everyone else at my college, or just about any college student for that matter.
     
  4. Shadowplay

    Shadowplay Staff Alumni

    do you live on campus or off?

    and i know what you mean about getting good grades and being able to, hehe you dont even know how much i get it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2006
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I live on campus, even though my home is only about an hours drive away. My parents want me to get used to living by myself and its a damn pain and commute to and from classes everything in our horrible traffic.
     
  6. Shadowplay

    Shadowplay Staff Alumni

    do you get along with your RM ok?
    I know that was a prob for me, first semester my roomate was a kool guy but he was a HE-HO. he got hep C from this black chick though, so he left after the first semester. after that things were better. I got singles after that.
     
  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    My roommmate? Oh, I barely see him, he's mostly out and mostly just comes in at night to sleep or with his friends. We just don't have any contact with each other, we're totally different and like I said, I'm very anti social and a loner.
    I'm actually very terrified that next year, I have to live with 3 roommates. :eek:hmy: :sad: :dry:
     
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your comments, anyone else?
     
  9. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    one of the main reasons i was put off applying for university was because i seriously didn't think I could handle being around so many people and having no friends... I'm sick of people saying, "but university is a new life and an opportunity to meet new friends" ... bah... you hear that said sooo much that the students who have no friends at university are often forgotten in the statistics. Don't believe you're a loser because you are not. There are 30,000 people at your campus and i find it extremely difficult to believe you're the only person without any friends.
     
  10. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Really? I just find it so extremely find to beleive. My god, I am just so shocked at how much we have in common,

    I totally agree with you in that I get so damn fucking angry when people tell me
    "but university is a new life and an opportunity to meet new friends". BULLSHIT!!!!
    I'm just too different from everyone else really. And the worst part is, I'm totally addicted to the computer and internet and I'm going to get piss poor grades this semester just like I did last time, even though I kept promising myself never to repeat my mistakes again. Damn, I am so screwed. I hate college, I hate IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  11. Sometimes if grades suck and it's getting late in the quarter or semester you can drop or withdraw a class and that eases up things a little. Then there's always changing majors to something that's less pressure. I don't know, sometimes I feel that way about my job - hate the pressure. I guess, pressure can be hell. The first year is always the hardest. Learning to be away from home sucks at first, but after a while you can get used to it. Growing up can suck. But, it's worth it. Or so I'd like to say. Honestly, moving out of the honors dorm, I don't think is a big deal, happens to lotsa folk, honest. It's just a name anyway. No one says when you graduate, hey, I'll give u a job if you lived in the honors dorm. Good luck studying. Just start with little steps, break it down into small manageable tasks, and prioritize. Make lists of smaller things that need to get done, and try to check them off little by little.
     
  12. missykate

    missykate Well-Known Member

    I am in the same boat except for the fact that I just avoid school sometimes. I still have some high school time period friends that are doing different things and I can usually find one of them to waste my education with.
     
  13. total_edge

    total_edge Guest

    Yea, university/college SUCKS , thats the only thing i know,
    makes your life miserable!!!
    "but university is a new life and an opportunity to meet new friends",
    who says that?(we can all suppose that the guys saying that ,dont know
    what is
    (went to a) college/university :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    i ve heard that 100 times,ok
    you can meet new friends...but if you want to stay a "friend",
    you must go out to party,clubs,drinking,smoking all that bad habbits,
    and bielieve me it doesnt worth it!!!
    I know one thing, universtiy made me nervous (all the time,all the day),
    i dont have time for my self,for nothing and im pressured all the time!!! :mad:
    I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  14. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Right now, I just feel like bashing in everybody's heads who say "College is the best time of your time, let loose, life a little, have some fun, go out and party".
    Hearing those words just makes my blood boil right now!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

    I can totally understand the people that have lots of fun in college and get good grades and are doing really well, but I could never be like them, because I am totally different from me and I hate to say this, but I partly blame my parents, I really feel as though they raised me wrong, and unfortunately, you guys can't read my mind and look at my pathetic life story. I'm just too different from everybody in the world because I was raised differently. :sad:

    Even though I never cut, take drugs, or anything like that which many depressed, suicidal people do such as on these forums, I'm still extremely depressed and really feel that I will commit suicide before I graduate, if I dont get kicked out first for my pathetic grades. I'd want my suicide to be as quick and painless as possible.

    I can't beleive I'm even thinking about suicide when I'm surrounded in my college by all these fucking annoying happy students that are so hopeful for the future, so happy, it makes me SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

    I just can't help but think I am the only unhappy, suicidal, pathetic, lonely, poor grade getting, total loser at my university of about 30,000 students. I just feel like I am the only freaking one and nobody can relate to me because everyone there is fucking perfect, great grades, great social life, have a wonderful boy/girlfriend to lean on, etc.

    My parents seem optimistic for me, but I unfortunatley am not. I am so scared of being an adult, like I said before, I really think that I was raised wrong and have not matured as my peers have. I still many times act like a child and do not want to grow up, I still watch a lot of cartoons for example. I don't think I have what it takes to be an adult and survive in this cruel, harsh world of ours, I just don't have the skills. I have not matured yet and am behind my peers and I'm very frusrtrated by this. At the same time, I get annoyed by people and many times like to be alone but at the same time long for a friend or friends and a significant other. I really feel as if I'll die a lonely, pathetic man even though many 18 year olds like me are so optimistic and feel they have a bright future ahead of themselves but I just can't feel this way.

    I am so confused, and lonely and most and worst of all, scared to death, I don't know what I'm going to do as an adult in this world of mine. Will I die of suicide from depression and lonliness?

    Siiigghh..................
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2006
  15. :eek: I aint in college :eek:
    I feel left out :(
    But anyway.... you wont die of suicide from depression/lonliness, cause you got us! :) And your friends and family. x
    Sarah
    (Im random i just read that post)
     
  16. tip

    tip Guest

    I so totally can relate, in the uk I think people that live out generally have the type of time you are describing Rahul, or thats what I've seen.

    I'm pretty sure I'm having the worst time out of all of my friends from my 6th form. I mean I have no real friends. Acquaintences and work collegues, yes, real friends that I'll keep forever? no way!

    Also I'm on my own here starting new, seemed like everybody already had friends before I even enrolled! standing in enrollment for 1 and 30mins all I had to focus on was a hot girl infront of me lol! And she was stuck up as hell too when I talked to her! lol.

    At my old 6th form and school, I could go into the common room (6th form) at any time and find someone to talk to and chill with, despite hating the fakeness of people but thats another story for another time lol. See I can't do that at all a Uni, I have to text and ring this little group and they're hardly ever in except 1 of them who really gets on my nerves at times!

    I went to see a friend at another uni, he is living out, stayed te night there and his friends are so cool, just like our old crew of friends,and I got on with them really well. I so wish I was there with them than on my own.

    I think your kind of hitting onto the point that your social experiences like guide your educational progress. SO as I have no real friends I'd study more and get better grades right? wrong! I'm just depressed and don't want to work and just get out of this uni!

    I think suicides a bit extreme rahul, but I really do see where your coming from here, I had the exact same sentiments and seeing this thread was what made me join ths place because I was like "yup, this is exactly what I' thinking, these people know what I'm feeling". So there are others in the same boat mate, especially me. The part about being an adult and being lost...I know what you mean there too, like it doesn't seem that long ago that my primary concern was getting the best Pokemon cards, or beating the last boss of Final Fantasy VIII lol, now...in like 10 months im going to be 20...20 years old! thats old! im a man- but I don't feel like one at all! I have no direction, no real life, so worried about Uni am reconsiderig courses and everything am gonna fail! still cant drive yet - no freedom!

    See, your not alone at all, the way I get thorugh it is just look at my close close family and think, I am truly blessed I can't waste this.

    keep ya head up yaar
     
  17. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    I'll tell you what got me through college; my priorities were God first, college, then family, then firends. So, focus on your classes, focus on your assignments and studies. By the time you are ready to graduate more than HALF the students in your freshmen year will have dropped out. And thats ok! If there isn't anything you want at college it's a waste of time and money.

    College isn't an opportunity, or a place to socialize and meet friends, or have parties. It's training for what you want to do. It's also not not a "rest of your life" kinda decision either. You don't HAVE to go to college, you can change your mind, maybe take a few years off to think about what you really do want to do with your life.

    When I first graduated from high school I went straight into college like everyone else. I had no focus, no ambition, no real desire to be there... I was just supposed to do it. After all, isn't that what eveyone is supposed to do? Ha! I did very poorly. In fact, there was one semester where I never even went to a single class and I never dropped them either. I got a job and rented an apartment. I just needed time to "come into my own" so to speak.

    What learned is that later (about 10 years or so actually) when I went back to college with real ambition and a career in mind, I had to re-take all those classes to raise my G.P.A. (even thought they had nothing to do with my major) No college will ever forget your grades. I started with a .56 G.P.A. and I had to petition the college every semester to let me back in because my G.P.A. was so low. Finally, I dug myself out by getting good grades in my major and in the classes I had to re-take. But I could do it because I had a WILL to be there. I had a goal in sight, a purpose, a challenge and I wanted it.

    I saw a lot of other students in that time make some very classic mistakes. There are some like yourself who don't really want to be there, fullfilling their parents expectations. OF COURSE you are depressed;who wouldn't if they felt they had no control in their life. So my advice to you is really do some soul searching and ask yourself what YOU want. That may be a VERY difficult question, especially when depressed. Your going to need help to do this, like a therapist. ... here's why.

    Depression twists our perspective. For example, you believe "you haven't the skills to do this." Not true, you have all the academic ability, the money, the time ... but what you need is a purpose. Depression robs us of purpose. One of the key symptoms is hopelessness.

    Also, you believe you are pathetic, can't handle life, not up to the challenge... again, classic symptoms of dysthymia depression. I'm not a doctor but I am very very sure based on what you have said. It reduces your concentration (thereby lowering your grades), causes you to isolate (thereby miss class and not seek social contact), produces feelings of despair and hopelessness, (thereby turning your mind against yourself by negative self talk and thoughts of hopelessness.)

    I can't explain HOW this illness does all that but I know first hand IT DOES. And once treated the darkness, despair, hopelessness and feelings of low self worth will go away! Now please hear me, this is a serious illness. Were not talking about a head cold or flu. This requires therapy and prescriptions and recovery could take up to a year or more. But if you understand it's the illness that's at the root to these problems, not you, that's an excellent first step to recovery.

    You could go to the Dr.'s on campus, they offer therapy and meds. You can continue at college but not for your parents sake, or cause you expect it of yourself, but because you want to learn about (fill in your choice) not because your parents expect it, or because it pays well, but because you are genuinely interested in it. Classic mistake number two at college is people pursuing careers based on financial gain or parents expectations, not actual DESIRE or WILL. Also, the therapy is a way to get those "skills" you feel you are lacking in your life right now. You will be able to share your struggle with a therapist and they can help you get through it, teach you ways to cope and handle. Like emotion regulation, distress tolerance and interpersonal skills. A therapist can help you with your addiction to computer and internet. A therapist will also help you keep a positive perspective while you battle this depression and help you sort out what YOU want out of life, etc.

    Perspective is a powerful thing. Do you consider yourself a "failure" if you stop going to college? Or do you believe Vo-Tech is for underachievers? How you view something has a huge impact on how you feel. You are failing at college now and you can't get off the internet so you have labeled yourself pathetic. However, the truth is more like this: You have depression. It reduces your concentration thereby lowering your grades, causes you to isolate thereby miss class, produces feelings of despair and hopelessness, thereby turning your mind against yourself by telling yourself your pathetic. And if you believe that.. then you are only going to feel worse about yourself and your depression will get worse. It's just not true so please stop telling yourself that, k?

    If I leave you with only only one thought I would like you to remember this. You are ok. You are not abnormal, or unable, or unstable. If you want to hate something and get angry.. get angry at the depression because THAT is the root to all this.

    Ending your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Their is soo much more to life than college, or money or even friends for that matter. What does it take to make a person happy? While I was depressed I could only see what I DIDN'T have. What I COULDN'T be. I simply could NOT "think optimistically" or "pull it together" as we are often are told. But now that I am feeling better I am happy for what I have and who I am. So, the question isn't WHAT do you need to be happy but to understand happiness is a state of mind and being. Therapy and meds will help you reach that goal and it's worth it! They say one out of every 3 (maybe 4) people will or have experience a depressive episode at least once in their life.

    Your going to be ok! Keep posting and lean on us for for support as you fight this. :hug:
     
  18. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    How, that is just an amazing, fantasitic post!! Are you a psychiatrist or something? Maybe you should become one.

    I'll be sure to keep in touch with you just abolutely wonderful guys about my problems and progress and you can always get in touch with me via the email in my signature.

    Right now, I am extremely scared and worried, I feel as if my university is out to get me. I don't find it fair that every grade counts, even if you screwed up and had depression and suicidal thoughts.

    I'm still very very very extremely super duper scared of my future and don't know what I'm going to do. I hate to say this, but I feel as if its just a matter of time before I commit suicide, life just seems to get worse and worse for me. Sorry to be such a downer here. All the other college students I see seem so full of life and hope and happiness and are so damn optimistic about their future whereas I feel as if I've already resigned myself to suicide or a very lonely, sad life.

    And I just find it incredibly hard to beleive that there are students like me, I always, always feel like the only one depressed and angry and sad and getting poor grades and having no friends/social life. I always feel like the only loser surrounded by all these disgustingly successful, happy students that serve nothing but to make me feel even worse about myself.

    Before I actually enrolled and started this private hell of mine, the university looked so rosy and nice when I went to all the orientations and meetings during the summer before college and in the invitations I got in high school. Things seemed so great back then.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2006
  19. tip

    tip Guest

    yeah man, there are people in your situation, don't think your the only one, thats the worst part, thinking your alone when your not.

    I could go on about the go and put yourself out there bullshit andtry and make friends, but by now thats really hard, and I think it's easier said than done. It's just being happy with yourself, self-actualisation, maybe focusing on work, and trying to improve your grades because then you can look at everyone and being able to say your outperforming them will make you fel alot better.

    Again easier said than done, because I jst find work so so hard man, hard to do and even when I try my best I still don't meet my own expectations let alone anyone elses.

    I don't think suicides the answer, thats giving up, think of the people that love you and think of the people have have nobody, quite literally nobody in the 3rd world countries. You don't want to give up, uni is just a part of life, its not the whole thing, theres stuff before and after it and you just have to get through the hard times and things will change.
     
  20. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I seriously feel like the biggest loser at my university, University of Houston. If they had a Biggest Loser contest, I'd have the dubious honor of being #1. :sad:

    I don't know what I'm going to do. My last semesters grades sucked badly and I'm sure this one will too, even though I kept promising myself I would never skip classes again and do all my work and not get addicted to the computer, but I did all three things once again this semester.
    I feel so weak, so pathetic, I broke my own promises, I dissapointed my parents. I really wanted to go to my community college which is only 10 minutes away but no, my dad wanted me to go to the university because I got accepted into the Honors College and got a big scholarship. Well, I lost both of em, just freaking lovely. :sad:

    I hate this damn university so much, I hate college life, I hate everyone there with friends and good grades, which is all of them. I keep thinking about blowing the university to shit and killing everyone in a violent rampage. :mad:
    Why am I the only one failing there, why is everyone fucking else doing so well there, being so confident, smiling, being happy. Why am I the biggest loser there. I know suicide may sound silly, but I've been thinking about it a lot ever since I joined this prison last August.

    College is my prison, but to everyone else, its paradise. All of my parents friends ask me "How's college"? And I want to beat them up badly, they think I'm doing just fine there like everyone else, they don't know that I'm a loser, a freak, I was raised different by my parents (though they didn't mean to do it). I'm too different from everyone else to make friends or anything. I just want to die.

    I'm in the university library right now typing this and I'm so sick of all the happy, giggling students surrounding me, I wish they would all shut up!!!

    I'm feeling very depressed, upset and down right now since my dad just called me and voiced his frustrations at me and I dont blame him. Why did I skip almost all of my classes and never do my work? I was always a high worker in middle and high school....college is so depressing, its really brigning me down, but I cannot drop out, I just can't. I have to shape up and get used to it or commit suicide. Fuck, dad you asshole, why the fuck didnt you put me in community college my first year you bastard!?!? I need a fucking rewind button in my life!!!!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2006
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