Eagles fan, you are by no means an asshole, you are a kind, intelligent individual, and you seem to be pretty clued up I must say. I would consider it an honour to meet you in real life, it could only benefit me. Sadly there are too many people who are so full of pain and self doubt, that they let it cloud over who they really are. If people could be patient with you, and took the time to get to know you, as the people on this forum have, then they woud see what a good person you are, its not your fault you have issues, everyone has their demons, their great battle to fight. I dont really know you that well, but I can say that you are not as bad as you think you are, you are just in pain, there is a good person under all that darkness. If you ever want to talk or vent, I am here, we are all here for you, we know what you are going through, please let us in. Please stay strong, it would be such a loss to this world if you did anything, I know its the hardest thing in the world to do, when you have to fight this war alone, but please let us fight it with you, we are all comrades in arms in this great unending war, where the victories are few and the defeats are many. I dont really think this has helped, but dont put up a wall, theres no shame in reaching out.