Anyone else? *trigger?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by normaljoe, Feb 1, 2016.

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  1. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    When i get depressed i find myself doing searches for death related things. Ie videos, or how to. Any ideas how to stop it? I know im doing it. I know i shouldnt. But something about watching it makes me feel like they are better off or happy. That they are finally done with whatever crap they were going through.
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I understand the urge to do that but unfortunately the only way to stop is to... stop. Make a decision for yourself that you will not google death related things anymore and not watch those videos. I know it is easier said than done, but it is possible. Making ourselves feel worse when we are depressed is a form of self harm and you are worth more than that. Make a decision for yourself that you absolutely will not do it and think of it in terms of "staying clean" from making yourself feel worse.
     
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  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I get like that at times. I been switching what I shouldn't do to playing a game hoping will distract myself. At times it works and other times not. I been looking more into other things to keep my mind focused on so it's not on death so much. Here if you want to talk. Hugs
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    The truth is a lot of our reactions to depression and being suicidal is in fact intended to make us feel worse. We feel horrible and sad and in pain, then play the most horrible sad depressing songs we know, watch the same in videos, and let ourselves lay in bed and ponder these thoughts for hours on end. We call it our "coping mechanism" and tell ourselves it is the only way we can deal with things. The actual fact is unless a severe schizophrenic and completely delusional or very OCD to point of dysfunction (which is a very very low percentage of people that are not in permanent care facilities already) then it is all choice. We can choose a different song or different video- we know what listening to that song and watching that video will do , and we CHOOSE to do it anyway.

    That is when we get the comments form others to just snap out of it and stop being that way- because there are some things we cant help but many things we can. We can't help depression, but we can still choose what songs to play and what videos to watch,. We can still choose whether to lie in bed and dwell on the thoughts or do something else like read or watch tv or do word puzzles or video games, whatever. Just because it does not sound like fun , or is not the easiest thing does not at all mean it is not a choice. The most crippling part of depression is the loss of understanding of the difference between "can't" and "don't want to" in our own minds and vocabulary.
     
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sad songs, depressing "fantasies," thinking of "if only" or "what if" - those can be cathartic or help us come to terms with things - for a while, at first. The important thing is knowing when to let go of doing those things. If we are doing things that we KNOW are prolonging our dark feelings, it's probably time to find other music, different videos, lighter stories, happier activities. Constructive, creative, life-affirming things. We don't choose our feelings - we can choose whether or not to enhance the darkness or lightness of our mood with what we actively do, watch, listen to.

    When you are not in this dark place normaljoe, what are your interests and hobbies?
     
  6. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    right now i am in indiana in school, i used to boulder in WA state but I 1) don't have the money to go to a rock climbing gym 2)don't have the drive or motivation to go all the way out to Chicago (1 hr drive one way) I used to geocache but that stopped being fun for no reason at all. I like being at school. that is about it. I also like sleeping, a lot.
     
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I used to go geocaching a fair bit - was nice because nearly everywhere found my self could turn on the app and be off searching. I am sorry the other hobbies that worked well for you are hard to participate in now. I am not going to try to list things guessing you might be interested in , but I woudl encourage you to take a look at clubs and groups in the area where you are and see if any of the activities strike your fancy to at least try 1x to see. It is really hard when you get stuck with nothing to do but think... so trying things , even if decide ultimately aren't for you can be an adventure by itself.
     
  8. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I am also in Indiana and where you are is very flat so I understand the frustration that might cause you compared to WA. If you were in the southern part of the state, it is much much hillier so lots of climbing opportunities. Have you checked out the dunes? Climbing those could be a challenge you would enjoy.
     
  9. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    Funny you mention that, i heard about aomeone who fell into a sink hold in mount baldy. I cant say anymore due to privacy concerns. But that is not a bad idea, i am sure there is some rock out there i can climb.
     
  10. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    When things are not good in my mind, I also prefer to listen to sad/depressing musics or watch similar movies/videos. I think the attraction to things that are a better match with our current mood is normal and it needs a concious effort for not doing it. Trying to "keep yourself clean", as mentioned above, is a good idea, one possible way that I sometimes use is searching for opposite things, for example searching for new born baby animals, or plants coming out of the ground or watching videos about worms going into cocoons and coming out of it when they've turned into butterflies. I cannot do that with musics, though.
     
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