anyone else wear a "mask"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dumdumgurl, May 22, 2007.

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  1. dumdumgurl

    dumdumgurl Well-Known Member

    hi

    i finally had to wear a mask in order to get through the last 20 years. the only person who knows me is me.... you can bring allthat have known me inmy life and they still would have several major downers. does anyone else feel like they can't be honest because peopel can't handle it and they pass you off like a hot potatoe.
    i wrote to a friend asking if i could talk to them and tehy forwarded the email to my dada nd because i said i felt like shit they tookthat to mean i was ging to kill myself and *they* couldn't deal with it and made up exageratins. imean do they reallythink i'd tell *them* i had planned that? so anyone i woudl tell would go straight to my father who will jump allover me. when iwas staying with im this past oct for 10 days, i almost lostmy mind and he railroadedmeand badgeredme and "collected" evidence downstairsbecausei couldnt go up and down the stairs but everyone was abandoning me and making up things that weren't true. first thing outof his mouth when my counselor came to his house for an urgent sessin "dumdumgurl can't stay here tonigt" so i felt like if he didn't bring me home of my own accord i'd lose my mind and he'd dump me on the streets. here i was acripple and he was dumping me.this person i wanted to talk to i didn't trust anyway so i wouldn't talk tothemabout feelings of being blue.they always ratted me out and were spies and tattle tales to myfamily regarding me.so sad and when you are gone they won't feel badly at all..maybe a pity party for my familybut not their feelings. so anyone i'd tell would clear their conscius and tellmy fatehr who would have me arrested to put into custody for thinking of attempting. they owuld feel they did their duty and i'd feel betrayed and let down because hw are you supposed to get help if you can't talk to anyone because they weretattletales?

    anyway does anyne else feel like they hve to portray a happy atittude no wnderthey were thinking i was bipolar but it wsn't the ups and downs it was teh down and downs (of depressin not euphoria). my father is apiece of work and he should call the kettle black where he is an alcoholic andhas beer and wineinthe refrigerator.

    i so want t makeitbut i'mnot sure i can given allthese circumstances. that's why i'm not afraid of hell,i've treied dammit i've triedwtih allmy might andi ant' do it much lnger. maybe when my surgery is over and i can feel good and at least put my best foot forward. dnt knowhow i'm giong to find another job....
     
  2. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I get what you're saying about the mask. I think alot of people try to hide their pain to some degree. I know that if I ever go thru with it, it will shock everyone.

    Know that everyone here is here for you and you can vent anytime you want.

    :hug:
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Masking is something I do all the time. The only one that knows how bad it really is is my therapist. I think many of us wear a mask out of survival. "Normal" people just don't understand. Sometimes it is so hard to keep that mask on when your heart is crying out in such pain, but we do. You do not need to wear your mask hear. Show your true feelings. We are hear to offer you support. I am sorry to hear about how your dada is reacting to things. You need to be in a supportive situation, not like the one you have. Take care, please. :hug:
     
  4. Is This It

    Is This It Well-Known Member

    absolutely if my mates new what i was really like and how i felt half the time they'd just ditch me. I always just pretend I'm happy and that everything is ok.
     
  5. Tara

    Tara Guest

    i pretended yet still got ditched...:dry: you cant win :blink:


    anyway, back to the first post, i think most of us "mask" our true feelings and stuff, because we dont want people to think we're weird, or w/e.

    I dont know what the surgery is for (if u dont want to say thats fine!) but im sure that bogs you down too. when its over you'll prob feel a lot better.
    You'll find another job no problem! its hard, and may take a while but you'll get there. if you need help i'll be here! (ive helped people in america get jobs and im in wales :laugh: beauty of the internet lol)

    best of luck :hug:
     
  6. Mew

    Mew Active Member

    All the time. Never was good with the happy mask though.

    I wear masks because I don't wanna burden the people I care about. No good would come out of it. They'd just worry and I'd just feel guilty for making them worry about me.

    I also wear em because I can't bear to see myself for what I really am. If I ever stripped myself of all my masks, I'd fall apart and go and end it once and for all. They're the only things holding me together and letting me function from day to day.

    In any case hope some things go well for you. I'd say all, but I'm too pessimistic to say that sort of thing :) Take care and best wishes.
     
  7. Emerald Hyperion

    Emerald Hyperion Not So Well-Known Member

    I'm like Mew... I wear one single mask - that hides all my inner feelings, frustrations, trials, and tribulations. And when I dare to take that mask off to someone and reveal how I really feel... it just goes in one ear and out the other. No one really cares about me, I know that. If I trust them enough to tell them how suicidal I feel... I just KNOW no one gives a damn. It hurts... I just recently told someone and they just acted like it wasn't no big deal... just went along and talked about something else.

    I also don't want to burden others, don't want others to worry about me too. But that rarity when I need someone... I take the mask off, no one cares.

    But in the end I still continue to wear it, no matter what.
     
  8. dumdumgurl

    dumdumgurl Well-Known Member

    flirtatioustara thanks SOOOO much for your post. i had a near fatal (not fatal dammit) car accident last july. they had to airlift me to a city hospital and they had to put plates and screws under might right knee cap (could have lost my leg and that would reallly have had me crying in my beer and left me helpless to end things). so on june 13th they take the "hardware" out. the local orthopedic thinks it will help with my pain and the city doc isn't so sure it's not arthritis. my god it better not be arthritis because well then i'm done.... i've lived enough life of physical let emotional pain. it's been three years since i been out of work from a work neck injury that is now being fixed. had endometriosis before that and then got that fixed after 15 years and then i got hurt with my neck at work and now this damn car accident.

    emerald hypeion i totally get what you are saying too. seems someone can relate to you afterall and wouldn't be horrified at how badly you feel and i totally accept you and your feelings. thanks for sharing that with us.... this may be out of line and you can ignore it but why is this your "due" date in your posting?
     
  9. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    masks? what are those. oh yeah, ways to keep people from getting to know who we are. i wear them too. very seldom do i take them off. when i do most people run or want to lock me up as a 5150-nutcase. i try not to think about who an dhow i really am. but it doesn't work.
    i feel for you with all the injuries. back surgery, fused vertebrae; put my skull back together in 1991 from a wreck. i have arthritis from my neck to my ankles. so, yah, i feel for you. i'm only 32.
    to get back to masks, i need to wear them for the safety of my freedom. and i do not want people to see how i really am. a wreck!
     
  10. Tara

    Tara Guest

    :eek:hmy: :eek:hmy: that sounds terrible :hug::hug: im so sorry you went through that! its awful. Good luck for the operation, i hope its a success. I hope it makes you feel so so much better! im thinking of you :arms:
     
  11. bEvans

    bEvans Active Member

    I'm sure that maybe 95% of the people I know wear masks. Finding a good mask is a part of growing up and fitting in with society.
    The problem with masks is that you HAVE to be able to take them off in your closest circle of friends, or else your face will get so irritated that, when you do finally take the mask off, you'll peel off quite a bit of skin. The skin could easily come from the danger triangle of the face, which would open up routes for direct infection of the brain. Since the mind is a consequence of the brain, you'll become even more insane
     
  12. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Mmm. I hate my mask and I love my mask. If I didn't wear it I wouldn't have any friends whatsoever. A bunch of teenagers aren't going to get it. :laugh: I think everyone who wants to hide themselves wears a mask.
     
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish you the best with the surgery too. I hope you can find relief. Take care. :hug:
     
  14. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    Anyone who wears a make up ,I think bear some discomfort of who we are inside.
     
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