Anyone else?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~CazzaAngel~, Jul 8, 2008.

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  1. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    First off, I am unsure what is going on with this, but I would like to know if anyone else is experiencing this, no-one has to reply, but it would be very greatly appreciated.

    Something odd is going on with me, my depression in one sense is doing better but in another, it is doing worse. Anymore, I don't sit around and think of ways to kill myself, and my note or anything else. I have completely stopped self harming, attempting and being active on any of my multiple eating disorders. At this point, if someone asks me if I think I am going to kill myself, I can honestly say no, and that is at this time and the past week or so. But... another sense... when I look at the world, I can stay still and just watch things go by, listen and all that, most of the time I see such rawness of life and the world, and it does not take much to bring me to tears, and even at home, I could drop a glass and fall down and start to cry, and for hours. I cry everyday, sometimes once for an hour or so, sometimes nearly all day...

    I'm not sure if my depression is worse or better, and it's confussing... but, I'd like to know if anyone else has experienced this.. and if anyone has an idea or opinion on this, feel free to say something.

    Thanks. :grouphug:
  2. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    i'll have a go:

    your brain governs all hte aspects of your emotions and thoughts, and imagine the brain as one big machine. if the part of your brain thats controlling how emotional yuo become to litle things like dropping a glass gets over active then it may well make you do those things. I cant say what exactly is causing your brain to get over emotional (it may be a numbe rof factors- it could be a normal phase its going through or due to hte medications which work by changing the way ur brain works ie making some parts overactive and some underactive) but look at it this way: would you rather be having a cry for hours everyday or be constantly battling agaisnt the urge to self harm? From here it looks like you've improved overall :)

    thats my guess.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    With all the healthy things you are doing for yourself, I am sure that many different emotions are being unearthened...sometimes, it is so difficult to tell where these feelings come from and where we are 'developmentally' you have someone with whom you have a professional relationship who might be able to guide you in this way??? wishing you only the best, big hugs, J
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I would say that as your thinking has shifted your depression is getting better. It is okay to have those intense emotions. Your crying is probably your bodies way of releasing all those years of pent up emotions that you were afraid to let show. Don't be discouraged by them. Allow them to come and help cleanse you. :hug:
  5. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I know what yout talking about. I've gone from being fine again, back in to depression, 'cept it's not as bad as before. I still think about suicide, but I don 't activly want to kill myself anymore. I still cut, but not nearly as much (Once every 3-4 days, opposed to 3-4 times a day)

    Yet the rest seems much the same as it used to be, I can't ever seem to find the energy to do anything, I just sleep all day, and still feel tired when I wake up. I've wanted to tidy this room since I moved in, but I just can't. I cry watching the TV, fair enouth if it's sad TV, but it's not, I'll sit through a comedy crying :( this happens a couple of times a day at the moment. Despite being tired all the time, when it get's too night I can't sleep, normally stil very tired, just won't drop off, so I just lie in bed for hours. I lost a lot of weight since I started feeling like this (Not activly trying to - I just can't be bothered to eat alot of the time)

    All of this is the same as it used to be, except the suicidal thoughs and self injury are gone. Sometimes I want them to come back, just so I know what I'm actually feeling.

    I don't really know how this ends up, of if it's a good sign or a bad one, but not having suicdal thoughs must be an improvement over having them, so just try to stay positive about it (Much easier said than done I know) Is there anything that might have made things change? Have you stopped a med, or started a new one? Or has somthing happend? For me, I think the suicidal ideation went away before the depression, and so I came off the meds too soon, before the depresion was really gone, and now it's been able to come back.

    The best thing you can do is to work out why your feeling like this (Theres normally a reason) and then try and deal with it. I guess you proably already know this. So I'm sorry for not being much help.

    Hope your ok :)
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