Anyone ever been in love and fucked off from their relationship?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Axiom, Mar 17, 2011.

  1. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Curious... because I am.. and Im so fucking narked off all the time I want to get the hell away from her. Am I tripping out and in need of help or can you love someone and want to leave them?
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I still love my ex BF after almost 5 years apart..together off and on 13 years
    I left because we weren't compatible and I always felt 'not quite right' with him..
    he was a cheat and a liar...
    sometimes for our own good we can't be with someone we love..
    follow your instincts
    I'm sorry things aren't working for you
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2011
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    The worst she is perfect. More or less.. It's bloody confusing and almost annoying and then I just hate it. :( Im sry about you and your ex. xx
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Yeah.. Just...yeah :/ Several times actually.
  5. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    I dont find that strange at all, you have your reasons to feel this way and I am sure they are valid. You just dont know why but you will figure it out.
  6. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    The problems are me to be honest. But then again, they aren't. All the problems I find in our relationship are spawned by my own failings as a individual, especially a social individal if not just being a good partner. It's a very circular dispute though. But it's not her fault. not at all. none of this is. 8 spiral out sigh. Maybe I just want to be free so i can do the stupid fucked up shit I want to do.
  7. tony'sgirl

    tony'sgirl Member

    I still love my ex but I hate that I do. He never loved me nor did he ever say it to me. He walked all over me and i hated him every second that we were together. He would drive me crazy and make me feel so sad that I would o.d on pills. He wasn't in to me but when I try to leave he would "then" tell me not to go bc he cared. Bullshit! I finally left him and Im still mad and upset.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm good about the ex thanks. best thing I did was leave for good..:hugtackles:
  9. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Im so sorry to hear that. Right on though for kicking that prick off, I know I don't know you, but you deserve someone that will treat you with respect and care about you. Nice one on standing up for yourself.


    :D im really glad to hear that xx
  10. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Hand counts

    Why didnt someone had an umbrella Before the storm came??! It just felt very wet
  11. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I had a dream last night that she finally told me to fuck off. I felt scared and slightly liberated. But it was that fucking annoying and overpowering feeling of being on my own. Ive almost always had someone with me, except for a certain period of time... which.. was liberating and even more destructive. I couldnt leave in my dream. I hid in the fucking attic. I wouldnt in real life, but wtf? Fear of being in control and alone much? What a horrible feeling dream. then it switched to me with my friends from school and then for some reason we were walking through a campus on our way out, but were stopped and forced to listen to this lecture in a hallway/giftshop.(it was weird) There was about 40 people and they started talking, and I was getting impatient because I didnt choose to sit there. Then they started having presentations or something and suddenly this yound kid stands up near me and starts a presentation. I got so fed up I just stood up and said fuck this shit and left.
    For some reason my shoes were off? as I walked out. But instead of going to the doors, i went to a bloody window and climbed out. Then I was confronted by someone who saw me and they called me a thiefe, as I continued walking on, thinking to myself how little this person understood from a basic situation. Which led me to want my shoes, so I began walking through the main parking lot back to the main doors near the gift shop when one of my "friends" walks in my direction towards a large vechile I think. Cant remember what he said, but I kept walking without disregarding him,(gave some sort of friendly chatter/acknowledgement) and continued back inside, collected my shoes and.. i donno, merged into another dream which I dont want to go into.

    So I reckon I have fears of individuality, being on my own an in control. A failing inside that promotes a submissive and embarrassing mentality to justify hiding in a attic. A failing to commit, as the schooling would suggest and a lack of patience for others as they enjoy life at the expense of my personal time, which leads to over reaction and a general "standing on a table screaming" and making a fool of myself. Then to make things even worse by running off that flow creating ripple effects by my actions which causes other people to think a way specific way because of the way im interacting with the environment and people around me. Then dismissing them and fending them off, creating even more friction when there is aboslutly no need for it. Atleast I don't dismiss the desires of my "friends" too drastically when they are trying to enjoy them, minus the little outburst I had, which I could justify as defending what I consider to be the last and most precious thing I have left, my own Time here. Though it was at their expense because I dominated the moment with my outburst.
    To end it, I endure the humilation of my mistakes and failings by having to walk the back in and get my shoes.

    Weird dream. What I want is not normal. So I suppose everything that is normal is ok for a bit, but it is a numbing agent to the failing individual that I truly am. And at the end, id rather be a failing me then a fake me. Even though I have a mask, i need time to breath as who I am. x hours a day doesnt count. Im not a timetable. I hate eating. I hate using the washroom. I hate going outside. I hate talking. I hate having to do things. I hate being the same. I hate learning. I hate no knowing. I hate being ignorant. I hate that I make stupid mistakes. I hate that I forget things 1 minute after doing them. I hate that I cant talk to anyone because I make no sense and dont have a normal flow. I hate alot about me. If I could see and interact with me, Id chain myself up and whip the fuck out of my life until I either killed myself or found that part of me thats hiding and refusing to take command of what I am. Whatever the fuck that may be. :( :) :mhmm:

    I guess im only interested in myself now and how I can touch and grow from other things. The rest, is not my problem. It's your life. You live it and enjoy or suffer it.

    but thats bloody impossible to do considering I sit ontop of the labour and efforts of so many people. Governments, workers, ect Everything I wear, everything I eat, everything I touch to some degree is created or adjusted by omeone else for me. I cant escape it. I want to be alone but I want everything too. Thankgod for my failings as an individual. Id be a horrible person. Id use and abuse I bet to satisfy whatever I want. Though I dont know. I dont want people tos uffer or be negatised by who I am or my touch. So I stay away. But I cant. ... I cant survive on my own, I cant survive with you. I cant survive I just numb through it all, with my chest pounding everyday for the moments it can when im alone. Theres no place for me. theres no place for me to call my own entirely. What would I do there anyhow? The same thing as now. Deterorate. Dissolve, mentally explore and vanish.
    Sigh I write too much I need someone to tell me to shut the fuck up and to give me boundaries. ffs. Need..... im really failing though. Nothings getting better. Its only just new things all the time, new stimulations and aweness. Nothings getting better. Nothings changing . its just new. new new bounce bounce bounce distract hope distract hope dream hope new bounce distract all the while dissolving inside. Id rather see myself dissolve then wake up one day and wonder how it happened.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2011
  12. p3cky

    p3cky Account Closed

    i did this to my ex a year ago everything was perfect she was perfect for me and still is perfect, but i felt guilty for how i was and all the shit she went threw that i put her threw yet she was really understanding but i just felt so bad like i was wrecking her life or something but i do regret everyday of my life but at the same time maybe it was better for her? i guess i will never know
  13. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Can you push away someone you love so much and is perfect? Why would anyone do that? I would only think to get rid of a person if the person his or herself doesn't like you.
  14. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Because I dont want to destroy their love and life and perfection with what I am..
  15. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I kinda destroyed my relationship of seven years on purpose,I could feel all my insecurities and my social phobia getting worse and worse so I pushed her away to the point where she ended it. I can kind of cope with my life being a miserable one but when your responsible for someone else's happiness,well I found it was crushing me inside just knowing I'd fuck up sooner or later. Best to try and come out of it with a little dignity left and without damaging her too much. It hurt like hell and I was still dreaming about her for years after but I think it was the right thing to do,especially now I know for sure what a waste of space I am.At least I can sleep at night safe in the knowledge I'm not making her life a misery anymore.
  16. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    Ive just had the opposite happen to me, i love him, so much it hurts, but he cant accept it, i think hes afraid of hurting me, or maybe its the whole long distance thing. Oh god it hurts, so much. But ill always love him, no matter what happens between us. i just wish i could make him believe it.
  17. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I flew more than halfway around the world to see a girl I knew mostly from a few extremely intense weeks and then about a year online. Of course, I didn't know exactly where I stood in that year, but I had a feeling… still, it didn't prevent me from seeing other people-- except when I did, she would seem slightly jealous. Or maybe I was just reading too much into it.

    When I flew over to see her, the anxiety was pretty bad, but I fought through it in the only way I knew how to. This was when I still didn't really know what was wrong with me/was in denial about it all.

    She blew up at me, but I still understood and tried to calm her down. Eventually, I left and then just explored the country by myself… that calmed me down a bit, even though I pretty much spent all of the money I had at the time.

    Finally, she e-mailed me and asked me to come back. I saw her a few more times, and even though she was really angry at me and insulting and judging, I didn't get angry back and I was super calm and understanding, and finally she calmed down too. Things got better, but they were never really as good as they had been before. I think there were still glimmers… so I guess I thought that if I were persistent and calm enough that things could get back to the way that they had been before.

    Finally, I went back home and I promised her I would be coming back for a year. At that time, I could get a visa that would let me live there for 2 years and get a job-- I wouldn't have to go to school or anything like that.

    I think at that point I still intended to go back… but when I got back home my parents were angry at me and I guess I just lost confidence and finally ended up moving to a completely different country.

    I haven't met anyone like that since… no one is ever as good.
  18. yamainu

    yamainu Member

    I wanted to walk off from my partner many times..
    He is very kind. Very very kind. Would go on forever, if tried to describe all the good things he did for me. And i love to be around him..
    But, I am always concerned. I am a big burden on him, he would be better with some one else, feel i want to leave before he comes to hate me..
    Always feel very foolish about it later.
    Once I did walk out, but he got me and brought me home again..
    Still, i think of walkng out again.