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Anyone ever get to the point of writing their goodbye letters?

#1
I am at the point where I want to write letters to all my beloved family members in preparation for the inevitable. Then I look at my husband, and our anniversary is next week, and I just cannot hurt this beautiful man but I am not living......I will just keep praying that it happens naturally, realistically, I am killing myself by eating and drinking all the wrong things....
Anyone ever get this close?
Thank you for listening....as always. You are all so kind.
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Several times, in several forms. Notes, text documents, videos, posts online...
I still have a few of them knocking about here and there, mostly as reminders of how far i've come.
Being at that point is not great, but i'm really glad i never ended up going through with it other than that one time. And now i'm at the point where resisting those thoughts isn't even much of a challenge. :)
 
#3
Several times, in several forms. Notes, text documents, videos, posts online...
I still have a few of them knocking about here and there, mostly as reminders of how far i've come.
Being at that point is not great, but i'm really glad i never ended up going through with it other than that one time. And now i'm at the point where resisting those thoughts isn't even much of a challenge. :)
Wow...what turned you around may I ask?
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Wow...what turned you around may I ask?
I know it's probably not quite the answer you may want, but there wasn't one particular thing tbh. It's just the result of a lot of work on improving my self-image and self-therapising, largely through working with a few therapists over the years. Eventually i reached a point where i just felt like life was worth the difficulties, and so was i. It shows that change is definitely possible, no matter how lost you feel, but also that it takes time and a lot of effort. Although for what it's worth, i found that with each step you take, the next step becomes easier.
 

Nick

☆☆Still Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#5
I've written letters at a few points in my life. At one point a little over a year ago, I had letters written to the few people in my life who would get them. I had the most heartfelt letter I've ever written made out to my best friend. Having those letters around made it so much easier to think about though, one step closer. I made the decision to burn them. To set myself free of the burden of having them. My friend wouldn't find any comfort from that letter anyway, I'm the one who found comfort from being able to say my last words. I don't need those letters. I need to reach out to him when I feel that bad, not write him a goodbye letter.
 
#6
I know it's probably not quite the answer you may want, but there wasn't one particular thing tbh. It's just the result of a lot of work on improving my self-image and self-therapising, largely through working with a few therapists over the years. Eventually i reached a point where i just felt like life was worth the difficulties, and so was i. It shows that change is definitely possible, no matter how lost you feel, but also that it takes time and a lot of effort. Although for what it's worth, i found that with each step you take, the next step becomes easier.
Not to get personal, but I guess we can here, but did you attempt? I have so much crap wrong with me...ocd, ptsd, anxiety, depression....most stemming from trauma 3 years ago which resurrected childhood wounds, etc., that I am feeling mighty hopeless. I have the worlds best husband, kids and grandchild so realistically I cannot Kill my self but I do not see a future....Please share any secrets....thanks,
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
Not to get personal, but I guess we can here, but did you attempt? I have so much crap wrong with me...ocd, ptsd, anxiety, depression....most stemming from trauma 3 years ago which resurrected childhood wounds, etc., that I am feeling mighty hopeless. I have the worlds best husband, kids and grandchild so realistically I cannot Kill my self but I do not see a future....Please share any secrets....thanks,
Don't worry about it, i'm happy to talk about these things, especially if it might help. :) And sorry if it's a really long reply, i can be kinda rambly these days. :D Yeah, i did make one actual attempt, which thankfully didn't work or do any lasting damage. That one was right when i was first getting seriously depressed, after spending 2 or 3 weeks self-harming in a failed attempt to fight the thoughts off. After that was mainly a number of near-attempts, some of them exceedingly brutal. I was in some very dark places along the way.

I'd been dealing with depression, ASD, OCD, something that according to 3 separate therapists and a mental health triage nurse was most likely PTSD, but which my psychiatrist never agreed on, so it was never official, and anxiety disorders so severe they actually caused me to get misdiagnosed as psychotic for a while. The possible PTSD stemmed from the loss of my mother in a car accident when i was 10. And i didn't realise it at the time, but my best friend was a gaslighting manipulator who subtly emotionally abused people and put them down, myself included. The levels of self-hatred i was feeling were unspeakable. Like i know a lot of people here hate themselves, but i suspect they don't quite reach the levels of white hot, frothing, screaming, trying to claw chunks out of my own face levels of rage i did. And i think the key component in my improvement was about working to recognise that as vile, worthless, and generally irredeemable as i thought i was, none of it was fair.

A lot of it was about learning to compliment myself, to be nice to myself, and to stop trying to discredit the nice things other people said about me as just them lying out of pity. It does have to start small, but it can make such a difference if you can learn to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and admit that maybe the world wouldn't be better off without you, that maybe you aren't making people's lives worse for being in them. And seriously, i've gone from being the kind of person who listened to death metal just because it expressed the sheer level of hatred i felt for myself, to somebody who people actually confess amazes them with how self-confident he seems. It totally is possible to learn to be kinder to yourself, no matter how worthless you may currently feel. :)
 

emily91

Well-Known Member
#8
I don't think I'd know what to say in my goodbye letter. I don't really have anyone who would see it. I tried writing one once, but I didn't get anywhere with it

family arn't in my life and that was the major stumbling block for me. I don't really know how to explain it, but if you can't write a goodbye letter to the people that gave birth to you.... yeah. it just feels odd.
 
#10
I wrote a will when I was in my early teens and have emailed myself several others in case they look at my email when I go. I hope it is okay to be on here. I guess maybe I should leave this forum for people that really need it but I really want out of this world. Great life, great job, money, great family and friends, yet I feel like I am crawling under my skin and want out.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#11
I haven't written such letters but have considered doing a letter or a video a few times. I suppose I don't believe there is much point if any of goodbye letters to people I know. But that's just me. I consider writing a will more often, or making sure that beneficiaries are set on any accounts I have.
I really see some powerful posts here so I love this thread. Thank you for creating it and posting here.
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#12
I guess maybe I should leave this forum for people that really need it but I really want out of this world. Great life, great job, money, great family and friends, yet I feel like I am crawling under my skin and want out.
If you're feeling suicidal, you're feeling suicidal, and that means you belong here, regardless of what your reasons are. I see a lot of people fall into that "i don't have real problems" trap, when their pain is just as valid as others with "appropriately" tragic backstories. *hug10
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#14
I wrote a will when I was in my early teens and have emailed myself several others in case they look at my email when I go. I hope it is okay to be on here. I guess maybe I should leave this forum for people that really need it but I really want out of this world. Great life, great job, money, great family and friends, yet I feel like I am crawling under my skin and want out.
Hello and welcome. I would say this is where you belong since this is a forum for those who also want out regardless of how much they have in their lives.
 
#15
I guess maybe I should leave this forum for people that really need it but I really want out of this world
If you really want out of this world, then you are someone who really needs this forum. Besides that, it's always ok for someone to post on SF if posting helps.
Great life, great job, money, great family and friends, yet I feel like I am crawling under my skin and want out.
Having the external things that people seek doesn't always make someone happy. Maybe with some form of treatment, things could get better.
 
#16
If you really want out of this world, then you are someone who really needs this forum. Besides that, it's always ok for someone to post on SF if posting helps.

Having the external things that people seek doesn't always make someone happy. Maybe with some form of treatment, things could get better.

I am on meds and talk to a therapist every other week. I really just not sure what is wrong with me. But things have gotten better until this week when I made a mistake and almost ruined my car. Not my fault but I feel like I am at fault.
 
#19
I am at that point

I should sort a will out first for my kids. I’ve looked at online ones. I also bought one a while ago from WH Smith’s.

ive done some suicide notes on my phone and there’s enough clues and things there

I half said goodbye the other night but didn’t go through with it

my bf has just been horrible to me again so I’m distraught amd
Told him he makes me suicidal
His nasty response was to shout and call me an attention seeking bastard

great encouragement for me to kill myself more

he doesn’t care
I want him to care

nothing will make him care
He doesnt

I’m thinking of writing everything down

everything
Our history
His lies
The cheating
The abuse
Name calling

so everyone can know when I’m gone what he did to me and how he pushed and encouraged me to kill myself

and then he can live with that

I told him the way he treats me is Abuse emotional abuse And psychological abuse with some physical threats and shoves thrown in now

he says he doesn’t care
I said it’s a criminal offence
He should care

sorry I’m all about me aren’t i
Another thing he says
But I’m tryin to tell him how I feel

I only just joined here
My head is gone
 
#20
I wrote a will when I was in my early teens and have emailed myself several others in case they look at my email when I go. I hope it is okay to be on here. I guess maybe I should leave this forum for people that really need it but I really want out of this world. Great life, great job, money, great family and friends, yet I feel like I am crawling under my skin and want out.
I hear you....did anything in particular get you to this point? Trauma, etc....
 

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