Anyone ever thought having divorced parents would be cool but now regrets it?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Rallen12, Aug 1, 2012.

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  1. Rallen12

    Rallen12 Member

    When i was a kid i had a happy family my mom and dad looked always happy i was happy my grades were high i was a happy child
    VERY happy.I didnt have a care in the world i was very chy and very polite to both adults and teens i just wanted to help people who need help and even those who dosent thats was and still is my dream to be a hero and i was totally oblivious to anyone interested in me ,yet somtimes i met children that were from a divorced family and to me they look so carefree so cool,strong they would come up and be just so cool i wish i were like them
    they were fearless they didnt care about they families they were brave they were strong,they were smart,confident and they were always with cool clothes and expansive stuff things that i always wanted to be and i just thought (not litteraly in this manner) "it would be cool if my parents were divorced" i guess you do have to be carefull for what you wish for.years later my family moved to another country and thats when my paradise closed its doors on me and kicked me to my desired hell
    everything started going downhill when i entered school i didnt understand anything so my grades were horrible,kids would make fun of me yet the hardest thing was not having my dad by my side and i didnt even notice it thats were my love of videogames became a refuge where i could be what i wanted and noone could go against me. My dad stayed a few months in the old country to arrange things before he came here too, i missed him so bad and yet i didnt know it.
    i started to develop a new personality a more "dark" one suited to the kids here being mean to eachother and looking down on everyone it was against everything i believed in...what i thought was right. too bad for them i became even worst then them i thought they were horrible children after i tried to become like them i would look at myself i would see a demon,no one would say anymore things about me anymore cause they knew if they were bad i could be worst,i didnt fight them phisicly
    i hurt them mentaly took advantage of their insecureties and lives. when my dad finally came back i was happy but in reality felt safe again.
    my grades went up and my dark persona slightly cooled down.my heaven had let me look through its gates keyhole and feel what it felt like but then my parents started fighting alot and after alot of events my dad left the house he promised he would come see me everyday and we would do things together.
    turns out i saw him once a week for 10 minutes and i thought i could handle it to me it felt nothing diferent but uncounscesly i started to hate my father i promised myself to never cry,to be strong and not be like him.

    thats when my persona started to take over i was worst i appeared confident,disrespectful,badass, just the greatest.

    my friends thought of me a badass but still feared me cause if they crossed me i would pummel mentally them until they cried over being born.
    then came my moms money problems and other problems but my father was living with another woman and her kid.
    I looked up to my dad i thought that he was a guardian that as long as i have my dad il be alright and now i wish i did more stuff with him
    when i was young.
    now im a young-man with badgrades 2 or 3 friends and flunked the 7 grade and having trouble with my life to the point of dying feels right.
    somtimes i look at videos of dad reuniting with their children and i just start sobbing
    and it hit me i had become like the kids from my childhood but the thing is, the kids werent as happy as they seemed,they were like me ,or better i am like them
    we were all wearing a shell to guard our tortured mangled souls.but now i would give everything just to go back to my childhood
    and to spend time with my father...
    now i hope my fake persona fades away and never come back let my old one return.

    what about you? what do you think about what i wrote,do you know the feeling or do you think im just stupid? anyway reply with what you think
    btw sorry for long text kinda hard to squiiz ur life in a text.
     
  2. SplinterStar

    SplinterStar Active Member

    Fathers... are hit or miss. I looked up to mine for about ten years, even when he was gone for five of those years (which i later discovered was with another woman). Children do shield themselves with happiness, assuring themselves everything will be OK. Most of the time the child is right, but in some cases, there were so wrong. I get your pain but even if you could go back in time, the scars remind you of what happened, that you can't control life. I can't control my *****-monger father, I can't save my mother from her stupid life choices and picking bad partners. You just try to deal and hope you can do a little better than your elders. Your childhood is lost and broken, just try to pick up a few pieces and move on. sorry if i sound blunt, i just am.
     
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