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Anyone ever truly forgive themselves?

#1
Has anyone ever truly forgiven themselves for something they did to someone....not necessarily physical. I never hurt anyone in my life until 2:years ago when after having experienced a trauma, I did something really, really stupid To my brother. Not physical....but posted something foolish online That was untrue. He has forgiven me...even gave me his password to his account more than once....yet what I did eats at me every day. I guess this is what is classified as Real Event OCD....I am starting ERP Therapy though I am not sure how it will work in this case but it better!

I am so afraid that if I don’t get over this, in addition to the initial trauma, that I am doomed.

Thanks,
 

FrainBart

Staff Alumni
#2
Don't be too harsh on yourself. Your brother has forgiven you, and you need to start forgiving yourself. Holding all of it in will only hurt you more. If it helps write it down, and get it out of you. Write why you think you did it, what you thought you may get out of it. Whether it helped you. We are our own worst critics, and if we always listen to what we think of oursellves when we are not at our best, then we will always be wrong.

Good luck with the therapy, I hope it brings you some closure and peace, so that you can start to forgive yourself.
 

Lara_C

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
It was something you did while you were not your normal self @Hatingmyselfdaily due to trauma, so you cannot define yourself by it. There's more to you, much more, than this one regretted act. Given the wrong conditions we are all capable of doing out of character things, so please try to keep reminding yourself that your responsibility/guilt is diminished or even negated by conditions over which you had little or no control at the time.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#4
I all but destroyed a person's life or career many years ago, I forgave myself for doing such a couple of decades ago. It is forgiving yourself that is the big part. I would not do such a thing now. I have learned to control my anger and temper
 
#5
I all but destroyed a person's life or career many years ago, I forgave myself for doing such a couple of decades ago. It is forgiving yourself that is the big part. I would not do such a thing now. I have learned to control my anger and temper
Please share your secret as to how you forgave yourself.
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
#7
I find it impossible to forgive myself. I am 53 years old now and have done a lot of things. I never meant to hurt people, I have never physically hurt someone, but I did things that are against my moral conscience and my ex-wife and daughters found out about them. Also other people. My mind seems to find one thing I did every day and focuses on that thing for the day, telling me I am a bad person.
I try to counteract this by doing good. If I did a good deed yesterday I can switch my brain from thinking about the bad to thinking about the good. I have the devil on the left shoulder and an angel on the right and I can choose who to listen to.
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#8
Has anyone ever truly forgiven themselves for something they did to someone....not necessarily physical. I never hurt anyone in my life until 2:years ago when after having experienced a trauma, I did something really, really stupid To my brother. Not physical....but posted something foolish online That was untrue. He has forgiven me...even gave me his password to his account more than once....yet what I did eats at me every day. I guess this is what is classified as Real Event OCD....I am starting ERP Therapy though I am not sure how it will work in this case but it better!

I am so afraid that if I don’t get over this, in addition to the initial trauma, that I am doomed.

Thanks,
Can you understand why you did it ,was it malicious or out of overwhelming stress you had to release somehow.
I find it impossible to forgive myself these days ,,many years of acting the gobshite because of addiction .5.5 years sober ans all my self help just makes me worse .
There are many parts to our personality ..maybe on this occasion due to stress the negative destructive part of your EGO got the better of your rational being .
 
#9
Can you understand why you did it ,was it malicious or out of overwhelming stress you had to release somehow.
I find it impossible to forgive myself these days ,,many years of acting the gobshite because of addiction .5.5 years sober ans all my self help just makes me worse .
There are many parts to our personality ..maybe on this occasion due to stress the negative destructive part of your EGO got the better of your rational being .
I attribute my behavior to the trauma I experienced. I acted totally out of character.....hurt someone that had nothing to do with my trauma....I am a smart women...really I am...just acted real stupid
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#10
I attribute my behavior to the trauma I experienced. I acted totally out of character.....hurt someone that had nothing to do with my trauma....I am a smart women...really I am...just acted real stupid
Out of character will be seen by your brother ,as you said he forgives you ,,work on forgiving yourself .easier said than done i know .
Peace.
 
#11
Has anyone ever truly forgiven themselves for something they did to someone....not necessarily physical. I never hurt anyone in my life until 2:years ago when after having experienced a trauma, I did something really, really stupid To my brother. Not physical....but posted something foolish online That was untrue. He has forgiven me...even gave me his password to his account more than once....yet what I did eats at me every day. I guess this is what is classified as Real Event OCD....I am starting ERP Therapy though I am not sure how it will work in this case but it better!

I am so afraid that if I don’t get over this, in addition to the initial trauma, that I am doomed.

Thanks,
Hiya you - and I so so hugely truly hope you find peace of mind - your brother has forgiven you and somehow you must accept that in your heart to be able to move on. I personally would flip this question and ask if anyone has been able to truly forgive someone who has hurt them unbelievably ... I struggle with this one.
 

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