Anyone Feeling Suicidal Please Please Read This

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mayuna, Oct 28, 2010.

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  1. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    I joined this forum yesterday because honestly life has gotten too hard. It's difficult to get up, dressed and go to work. Even more difficult to take care of my children. I was very depressed at work today and was contemplating 'things' when this guy that is a regular where I work shows up and we chatted for a little bit.

    Out of the blue he started telling me about how he is head paramedic in his town and last night a young girl, 16, comitted suicide. He told me how her father found her in the basement where she hung herself for no apparent reason. He told me about how distraught her parents and younger siblings were over the complete sudden and unexpected loss. This guy, who didn't know her or her family until the event, was nearly in tears. He was completely despondent over the situation and he just kept saying, 'I don't understand why she would do something like this. She had her entire life ahead of her.'

    It just completely threw me for a loop. I stood there staring after him as he drove away dumbfounded. Here I was thinking about killing myself and out of absolute nowhere this man is talking about it. I don't believe in god or anything but I can't help but feel that this was a sign from somewhere telling me not to do it.

    I wanted to share this and hope that maybe it helps someone because all I could think to myself was if this guy who didn't know this girl was this distraught over her death what of her family? I had no idea that if I killed myself it would impact other people so much. I don't want to do that to my family let alone innocent people who have to deal with the 'messy details' of cleaning up.

    I just hope this helps someone else out because it is true. We all have our lives ahead of us and it's hard and it sucks but it is what you make it out to be.
     
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing this with us, I'm sure some people on the forum will certainly gain something from it.

    I'd also like to welcome you! And let you know that my PM box is always open if you ever need it :hug:
     
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    ^^^what that guy said^^^

    Thank you for sharing - for me you've summed up briliiantly why there is a reason to go on living. Because you never know what's going to happen. We can guess and speculate but we can't know.

    As Wayne said - my PM and MSN are always open too.
     
  4. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    Thank you both very much. I'll try not to blow up your inbox's when I have a bad day :lol!:
     
  5. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Haha don't worry about it, it's what my inbox is there for. If you need it never hesitate. I'll help in everyway I can, or just listen if that's all you want :)
     
  6. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    Like wise...if you need anything don't hesitate to PM me. I'm glad that I found this site. Most days I'm useless to help myself let alone anyone else but maybe it will help me to clear some things if I can help others.
     
  7. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Never feel pressured to answer threads, it'll only make you feel worse. Just post where you can. Sometimes just telling people that you understand, is helpful. I'm glad you've found this place too, but for obvious reasons, hope you don't need it for too long :)
     
  8. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    shared/like for like experiences, mutual respect and understanding, value for life and genuine affection fuel this forum, now thats a renewable source of energy :)

    thanks for the story, yeah heed the sign.
    My PM too is functional and willing. :hug:
     
  9. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    Unfortunately I think I'm going to be a lifer here...I've always suffered from depression, for as long as I can remember, it's nothing new. Life has thrown me too many curve balls to count and I have attempted before when I was a teenager, nothing recent yet. I know myself unfortunately; tomorrow is a new day and shit happens. Same old, same old.
     
  10. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Well I've been here over 3 years, some active members maybe even longer, so don't worry about being here for a long period of time, at least you're still here, which is what counts. Although your life does sound like it's been a hard one, for which I apologise :hug:
     
  11. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    When I tell people about things I've been through they always look at me with this sad look and I just say that everyone has problems; some are just worse off than others. I have believed that for a long time.
     
  12. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    And you are completely right, but that does not make your problems any less important.
     
  13. Thank you for sharing that story! These are exactly the things I need to keep hearing! At first I'd thought people would be better off without me, but when I actually thought about it, I realized how much pain and suffering I'd be causing for them, and I wouldn't be around to dry their tears, be by their side at therapy, or reassure them that I'm here. And who knows, perhaps my selfish act could cause them to contemplate it.

    Also, there's been a string of suicides in the news lately, and I don't want to just be another statistic. I want to be part of the solution. If I can just get my compulsions under control, then perhaps things will be better.

    I keep reminding myself that suicide is the easy way out. I try to picture my family members faces, picture their love, or their sadness at missing me. I've already made enough mistakes in my life that I don't want my death to be a mistake either. I've been through enough trauma that I don't want to traumatize others.

    Another thing that helps is that I know a friend who's mother shot herself, and her daughter will never be the same, now the daughter keeps getting thoughts of suicide, and has been to a bunch of institutions. I couldn't imagine that happening to any of my family members or friends.

    It's so hard to remember to think rationally and logically when these horrible thoughts arise. But that is the only thing that has been able to take me out of feeling these horrible compulsions. I only hope I can stay strong and move on.
     
  14. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    That's all any of us can do. I know exactly where you are coming from especially when it feels like each day just bleeds into the next and it's all the same. I don't want my oldest son to learn about death though because his mother killed herself or my youngest to only see me in pictures and never know me. It's hard but like you said I don't want to become another statistic. I want to help people I really do.

    I'm glad that this helped you out. You have no idea how good that made me feel to hear you say that. A song that helps me when I'm completely down and out is 'Move Along' by The All American Rejects. It really helps most days keep things in perspective.
     
  15. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    I love this song!!
     
  16. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    It's rumored to be an anti-suicide song and it really does seem that way...it's great. When I've been completely down and out with pill bottle or razor in hand, literally, I listen to that song and it helps me cope.
     
  17. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    I have some songs for that, too. I think it depends on the person, really, but as long as it works for you that's what counts. I'm glad you have something to help you in your time of need :)
     
  18. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    And you as well. I have to admit it is nice that there are still some things that can pull me out of my melancholy even if it is for a little while. That's how I know I'm still breathing.
     
  19. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Bump - please refer to top post ;)
     
  20. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    thank you so much for sharing :)
     
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