Well, for me, I guess it helps to meet another or more people....
I have never thought about suicide until a month or two ago. Thought it is the easy way out......I know people, especially my wife and my family will be hurt, but they will be hurt for a period of time only, then life goes on.
I made a mistake...one biggest mistake in my life......and the result, my wife is going through this toughest period of time. I am dealing with legal issue, money, and some other things that I should keep it to myself. And the hardest part of all, is everyday I have to look at my wife's face, and thinking that 'this is all my fault'.....just hurts me so much. When I married her, i wanted to make her happy, but I am not doing my job....instead, i got myself into trouble for the first time in my life, and now she is dealing with it too.
The past few months have been like hell.....and in a few months, I am going to have my second court appearance...and I don't know what is going to happen to me. No no...I didnt kill anyone or anything like that.....I really don't care what happens to me anymore.......I just want this feeling to go away, and imagining my wife's sad face everyday just hurts me even more. I know I know, if I kill myself, she will have a sad face too...but eventually she and others will move on. And besides, she could use the money from my life insurance as well.
Every time I drive to and from work.....i wish that i would get into a big accident. Everytime I pass by tall building, I imagine going to the top floor and fly down......
Probably my problem doesn't seem as big as others.........i always wonder where would someone who kill him/herself go after they die.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but as you say, if you were to end your life your wife would have more than a sad face. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but you said that you were dealing with legal and money issues. If you were to die, your wife would still have these things to deal with as well as mourning her husband. I don't know whether insurance companies would pay out if someone took their own life.
I'm sure things are very difficult for both you and your wife. But i'm glad that you have eachother. Does your wife know how you're feeling at the moment? Maybe you could try talking to her about it? I mean, maybe you could lean on eachother. Is there anyone else, any family members or close friends that you could both contact to lean on too?
I hope things improve for you soon and i hope that the court appearance in a month goes well. We're here to support you if you'll let us.. you dont have to be alone
I am from St Cloud, not far from Twin Cities. Am thinking very seriously of killing myself. Life has become too much for me, I have been struggling for too long, and it seems that for every step forward that I take, I take two steps backwards.