To be honest, even if nobody reads this it will feel better typing it and knowing that nobody i know in real life can see it. This is basically my situation... I quit my job a week ago after a heated dispute with the boss. I'm 20 and have been working since the legal age and so unemployment is new to me. Although this presents a practical problem (money issues, too much free time, etc) i can't pretend that this is the reason i feel so distraught. The real reason is that over 18 months i'd built up a real friendship with someone who i've actually fallen in love with. She has a boyfriend already so on top of everything i feel embarassed (i would never chase after a girl who is already with someone, it's degrading and i won't allow myself to be that pathetic). She used to always moan about him to me and once even directly compared me to him. The point still stands though. This is mental i'll just point out. I strongly believed previously, that i was incapable of falling in love. I was always very lonely and yet i coped fairly well and filled time with lifting weights/the gym and seeing people. I believed that relationships were overrated anyway and i was really doing ok. For years this has been fine and now without asking, i've fallen insanely in love and i hate the fact. You may be asking why i don't just tell her, after all i've known her for well over a year. The thing is that we really, really got on at work but in the back of my mind i was always aware that we have completely different lives. I convinced myself that she was way too popular and that she was only spending time with me because she had to. I thought that way for months but now i've realised how stupid that was. Yes, she has more friends and a bigger social life than me, so fucking what? I love her and she clearly likes me at least, so what did that matter? It's only now that i've realised that i was pathetically relying on my shifts with her every week. They were the one and only highlight of my week, and now i don't get to see her at all. It kills me to think that i've taken the one good bit, the one fucking good bit in an otherwise depressing life, and deleted it through choice. What was i thinking? As the cliche goes; "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". It's alright for her, she can rely on an army of friends, what am i supposed to do? I fill my time doing things but it's just meaningless. I wish i'd never met her, i'd be so much better off. I used to have a great physique built from years at the gym but i'm gradually letting that turn to nothing as i'm losing all motivation for anything. I'm deliberately staying away from sites like facebook because i don't even want to see her face. I want to find the weak piece of my brain that loves and just rip it out.