Anyone immune to all kind of theraphy?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Hurted, Sep 11, 2014.

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  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I tried few psychologist... it's hard to find a good one, i disliked most of them. My latest one was really good, but it didn't help. He is really good, but he himself told me that i already have full insight into all my problems.
    Shrinks... well, i'm a puzzle to them too. I've been on my 6th antidepressant now, it doesn't work... I've been taking AD's for 1 year in bigger dosage than prescribed, and nothing helps at all... even sleeping pills don't help anymore, the only thing that puts me to sleep is 600mg of serouqel, which is dosage for psychosis, and it makes me shake like i would have parkinson's. I've tried healthy diet, lot of running (10km per day), i've read books on cognitive theraphy and somehow managed to control my anxiety and OCD. My depression - no change. Even my psychiatrist told me that she can't understand why i'm not feeling better, that i'm a rare person with depression that actually fights so hard. She said that if i would not have been her patient for 1 year, she could hardly believe that it's possible to be so depressed yet so functional on outside (i got car license 6 months ago, i have high grades in very hard college, friends etc...)
    So all my therapist and shrinks and psycholigist say in the end is that it's fascinating how functional i am on some areas, considering my depression.
    I've been getting very close to killing myself, closer than anytime in past 9 years (that's how long i've had depression) - except my attempt 4 years ago which only harmed me - thankfully only temporary.
    So, it's inevitable to kill myself and i think i knew this for a long time. Yes, i fight a lot but slowly i've stopped to care anymore. In about few days, i'll move to another country - decision i made only because of my depression - this is my last "weapon" i have, if this doesnt work, i'll soon be dead, <Mod Edit: Methods>. I really don't have a slightest wish to live like this another 50 years - i'm not that weak and i know i have what it takes to kill myself. If i ever attempt again, it'll surely be my last attempt, that is for sure. Ps: i really regret not suceeding 4 years ago... it was so close, half a second made all the difference.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2014
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    change psychs. when you get to new country. sounds like she is feeding your sickness with the rarity. it isn't that rare to not be helped by these things.
    try new things, new groups, go new places, see new people. you have right idea
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I think for most people it does take a good few tries to find the right psychologist (I was lucky on the first go). Then there is the issue of finding the right type of therapy and to see what exactly the psychologist specializes in. I know one person, it took her more than 10 psychologists to feel comfortable with but she did it.

    I did once ask the doctor is it possible for someone to be born immune to these meds (I thought it was a stupid question) but not so stupid when she said she didn't know.
    Personally it was because it took me a long time, 6 years to find the right combination of medication. My depression is gone, anxiety still lingering around, sleep all over the place. But depression gone being the god medal there :)

    I had therapy today, it was great but I was a bit anxious. I think you should keep trying and trying, giving up won't get you anywhere, Please just keep trying because you may just find the right ones.

    Now I know anti-d's are in all different category's, SSRI'S MAOI'S TRI'S. Have you tried all each type?

    600mg of seroquel is a LOT. I have been on that anti-psychotic, extremely sedating. It's frustrating when the sleeping pills, (zopiclone,zolpidem) no longer work, nothing works for me to sleep now. I'm on zolpidem 20mg.

    Just wanna say though you sure sound like you are working very hard to get better, well done on the reading exercising etc... I just hope you do not give up.
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I would say that in the grand scheme of things, 6 meds isn't an awful lot of medications. It can take years to find the right combination. It took me 3 years to find the right meds, for others it can take 10 years. It's all a bit trial and error. What types of therapy have you tried? There are many approaches out there and it can take longer than a year for therapy to take effect. My therapist told me that the optimum time for therapy to work is 6 months AFTER the therapy has finished. I wouldn't give up, you've not exhausted any avenues yet, far from it.
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Yes, i've tried different brands. Effexor, Cymbalta, Remeron, Zoloft... only side effects and no relief. The things is, that i feel completely empty at the moment. Completely unmotivated, feeling empty, well feeling nothing, except frustration, which tehnically isn't a feeling. I can't enjoy movies, games, books, music, football, anything - i always loved this things. In tuesday i'll go on vacation for a week and i don't even care. I'm moving away in a week and i even am not excited. At all. I will force myself to go in theraphy, despite the fact i have no interest at all. In fact, lately, all i do is feel empty. Nothing can get me going which is why i seriously consider ending it all. After so much effort i have put into things, i just can't have any hope left. I just feel imprisoned, not dead and not alive and killing myself is a lot harder to do, now that i'm actually considering it.
  6. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    And to be honest, i miss that feel of severe depression. Because no mather how bad it is, as long as feel depressed, i can also build up a tiny bit of hope. Now, i can't. I can't move out of this prison. And i'm frighten when i think of future. I don't think there is anything left. If there is, i have no capacity to go thru what i'm going for years or decades. 24 years have been too much. Too much pain and loneliness.
  7. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Just a couple things- If you were taking more than the dose for over a year then you have not tried it as ordered(and no idea how you get enough extra prescription meds to overdose for a year anyway. More importantly- it is commonly known that the longer mental health treatment is delayed, the longer and more difficult the process is to get adequate treatment. You have been a member here for 6 years and yet discuss a year of meds- perhaps it is not really reasonable to expect either meds or therapy to fix in a few months what you have spent many many years dealing with.

    I see past posts talking about overdosing on 100 plus anti-depressants and things like that and clearly to acquire that many you were not taking as prescribed. I suspect, that you, like me, had simply continued filling meds after you decided they were not working so stopped taking.
    Despite all of this, you did manage to have a very good year or 2 so you know happiness can happen. I am not writing this to call you out or anything of the sort- - I have been where you are now and where you were with your meds- I am simply mentioning this to say your belief that help is hopeless and cannot work for you is not really based on taking meds as prescribed at all- so before you give up faith in the possibility they can help you try to get the strength to give them a genuine try- without overdosing on them or hording them- simply taking as prescribed for a couple months and then if does nto work try a different one. I cannot say to the therapy,- if was given reasonable chance or not- but there are more than one references in past posts to not being honest or telling the therapist the truth. Once again, is hard to say the therapy was not effective if you were not telling the truth (even if was because fully reasonable fear of consequences of telling the absolute truth in therapy).
    Before giving up hope that therapy or meds can help try fully committing to them. And before giving up hope on ever being happy remember you did very well and were happy for a good period of time until broke up with girlfriend- and that is not med or therapy fault- that is simply one of things that happen in life and there were inadequate resources available to help you through that- not your fault in the least.- but take it for what it does show- that you can in fact be happy.
  8. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    First, thanks for reply. As far as meds are concerned, i took the largest recommend dosage, i never took more than recomended from medication brand. If 15mg of Prozac won't help me, than taking 5mg won't help either, i guess. I haven't stop taking any of them without "allowance" from my shrink, except one, because of the side effects.

    I am aware of the fact that i can be happy. But the thing is, it can happen months or years or even decades from now or maybe never. My depression is now lasting for 9 years (minus that 2 years) and in this moment i feel EXACTLY the way i felt 9 years ago. I don't have energy to go through any more of this. Every year, hell, every month i am getting more tired of this and i'm only human, like everyone else i can't suffer for eternity. Everyone has a limit and i am afraid i'm currently at the end of my limit. I have NEVER been so hopeless and so depressed as i feel in this very moment, because each year it's getting worse and worse. Hope and motivation are not unlimited and even knowing i haven't tried anything, well... it's just that i have came to conclusion that life just isn't for me. I don't fit into our culture, i just feel like an outcast, i feel that i don't have skills to function in our society. Which doesn't necessary means there is anything wrong with society (although i believe it is, capitalism is a disease). But
    i believe it's mostly that i am not fitted for this life. Which is why i believe i have to let it go, despite the fact that i will need a lot of courage to actually go through it. I have pretty good plan, i've been studying methods for 1 year now, and my method has 90-95 success rate. I also know what mistake those 5-10 procent who survived made, which means if i ever attempt, there isn't a chance of surviving.

    And lately, nothing can give me a second of hapiness. Especially not wasting money on new clothes, phone, car... it's just as if i were completely empty...
  9. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    I was on Prozac 2 yrs ago for three days. The most disgusting thing I have ever put in my body. Severe side effects, thought I was gonna die.
    Really scary and never gonna take anti-depressants for as long as I live and breath.

    With regards to counsellors/psychologists/psychotherapists, I have tried a few, and been with one for the last 4 months.
    I was not 100% convinced by her methods, BUT she understood me very very well.
    On the other hand I was not feeling fully comfortable because I felt labelled at times by her. I think that a shrink who uses derogatory adjectives to describe a pattern of yours or a type of behavior without offering a way out of it, is an absolute useless pathetic money-sucking therapist.

    I agree that it is very very difficult to find the right mind therapist, especially with lots of charlatans out of there giving a bad name to the profession and those (few) who really got a client's best interest at heart.
    Mine all in all, looking back at our sessions, while a good listener most of the times, she wasn't really a warm person.
    I am glad I am not going to see her ever again.
  10. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I would have to take a couple of pointers from NYJ and Butterfly.

    Firstly - you haven't tried every single medication out there - it can take years to find one that suits.

    Secondly - If it's been known that you haven't been completely honest with talking therapy, then you risk them putting you on things that do not help as much. Many therapists can read between lines, but if there are things omitted, they could change the outcome of what avenues people take. And while you may seem clued up, one thing that fails a number of people is the fact they assume they know what they need, when they may have it slightly wrong but not accept that.

    Ok, you've felt like this 9 years ago. And what happened? You got out of it back then, what's to stop you doing so again?
  11. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for making you all waste your time for me... i feel a bit guilty since i so rarely reply, just when i need help, that's when i come here. Pretty egoistical.

    You see, for the first time in 10 years i have practically zero hope. Even when i made my only attempt 3 years ago, i had more hope.
    I just think that everything is just bullshit, pretending that i have to life because human life has a value etc... I strongly believe my doesn't. Who will ever know i existed 20 years from now? Noone. Why making my suffering longer, if i will die anyway? It's like driving fucked up car on repair, your wasting money and you know it will never be good anymore. It's pretty much the same with me. My chainsmoking and overdosing on pills in order to get 6 hours of low qualitty sleep will kill me pretty soon anyway. I think it's brave quitting when you know that your life goals and values will never come true. I have it so much better than most people on here and yet i can't do anything but feel depressed. I'm very smart, succesfull in most ways, except in most important - relationship and closeness. I need someone close to me.
    So you see, it took me 10 years to realise this. And i know, if i stay, 10 years from now i'll be writting exactly the same thing with exactly the same thoughts. If i did 10 years ago, what would i have missed?
    Do you believe that life just isn't for some people?
  12. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    Superiority feelings towards people one doesn't even know in real life really doesn't help.
    Closeness may come to those who are first capable to accept whom they are, love themselves for who they are, not because they are lonely.

    It's not that life isn't for some people, it's the shit we have to put up with in life that makes us question sometimes its worth.
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