I tried few psychologist... it's hard to find a good one, i disliked most of them. My latest one was really good, but it didn't help. He is really good, but he himself told me that i already have full insight into all my problems. Shrinks... well, i'm a puzzle to them too. I've been on my 6th antidepressant now, it doesn't work... I've been taking AD's for 1 year in bigger dosage than prescribed, and nothing helps at all... even sleeping pills don't help anymore, the only thing that puts me to sleep is 600mg of serouqel, which is dosage for psychosis, and it makes me shake like i would have parkinson's. I've tried healthy diet, lot of running (10km per day), i've read books on cognitive theraphy and somehow managed to control my anxiety and OCD. My depression - no change. Even my psychiatrist told me that she can't understand why i'm not feeling better, that i'm a rare person with depression that actually fights so hard. She said that if i would not have been her patient for 1 year, she could hardly believe that it's possible to be so depressed yet so functional on outside (i got car license 6 months ago, i have high grades in very hard college, friends etc...) So all my therapist and shrinks and psycholigist say in the end is that it's fascinating how functional i am on some areas, considering my depression. I've been getting very close to killing myself, closer than anytime in past 9 years (that's how long i've had depression) - except my attempt 4 years ago which only harmed me - thankfully only temporary. So, it's inevitable to kill myself and i think i knew this for a long time. Yes, i fight a lot but slowly i've stopped to care anymore. In about few days, i'll move to another country - decision i made only because of my depression - this is my last "weapon" i have, if this doesnt work, i'll soon be dead, <Mod Edit: Methods>. I really don't have a slightest wish to live like this another 50 years - i'm not that weak and i know i have what it takes to kill myself. If i ever attempt again, it'll surely be my last attempt, that is for sure. Ps: i really regret not suceeding 4 years ago... it was so close, half a second made all the difference.