I don't want to be an attention hog, as there are much more severe and important posts and cases in this forum apart from mine, but I just wanna get this out and if anyone reads this, well thank you for your time. I had an image set in my mind of what I was gonna be when I grew up, and I basically lived up to that image. I wanted to be the loner who sacrificeed his own happiness for others, but I never counted on it being so hard on me :tongue: After all these years, a pattern has emerged. I always end up hurting myself one way or the other, be it through relationships or health problems, the end result is always the same. All my relationships have ended the same way, I just somehow realised that the girl was way too good for me and/or I already had feelings for another and I couldn't go out with another girl at the same time. And the same thing has happened now, but a very strange thing has also happened. This girl I have my heart set on is much too better for me, but I can't get her out of my head. My more rational side tells me that it'll get better and I'll get over her, but seriously I just can't find anyone who even gets close to nearing her beauty. But I know that nothing's gonna happen with her, and I won't feel right getting into anything while she's still on my mind. So there go relationships. My relationship with my parents is rocky at best, they get to me at the best of times and I just wanna be left alone. I know it's jusy angst talking, but try telling that to my hormones at the time :tongue: I say I don't wanna be touched, but I long for human contact. To feel that someone gives a shit about me, an is not too disgusted to touch me. I know many other people feel the same way I do, and I belive that the stuff I'm feeling is a thing everyone goes through, it's not my burden alone. If I had a gun, I would have blown my head off a long time ago, but now hanging is the only rational choice I have left. I don't want sympathy, I don't want adive (or maybe I do, I don't really trust what I feel) but I just want anyone who cared enough to click this thread to just read through the shit. I know it's really not enough info, but I don't know what too add, I'm not too bright you see :tongue: Anyways, good day to all.