anyone relate?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by betteroffunknown, Feb 1, 2010.

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  1. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i come before you tonite a broken woman. i'm not sure that anyone can relate to how i'm feeling but i just wanted to try and get this off of my chest. i'm not going to bore you with what's going on in my life, but just bore you with what's going on in my head atm.

    i've been pretty suicidal for the last three days or so, and frankly it's really just coming to an end. earlier today i went numb as numb as could be. i mean i felt nothing. i couldn't even feel my fingers as they pressed the keys on the keyboard. now, i feel so incredibly and intensely fucked up. i feel like i've got to be on every drug in the world right now. i spoke with a guy from the crisis line where i am and he had to keep asking me to repeat myself. i'm having trouble thinking, or if i can develope a thought i'm having a lot of trouble processing it and i do mean a lot. i had the hardest time trying to talk to the counselor. i also feel like i've been run over by a train.

    the counselor asked me if i would call if felt like acting out and i told him i would, but i'll be honest i don't think i can. only cause i know it would land me in the hospital yet again and i just can't have that. i do feel that my time left here is brief and i'm not far from doing it. i just feel so so lost, dazed, confused and whatever else in that direction.

    i don't know what's going to become of me this evening, but should i go through with my plan i really hope that you all take care of yourselves. you've been just wonderful wonderful people, and despite anything i may do it really does mean a lot. you've got so much to offer and i hope you all know that. please take care i love ya
  2. Anni

    Anni Well-Known Member

    please call
    just try it
    u were brave enough to call the first time, i know u can do it again
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I can relate totally you are in deep and you need some help. call therapist okay so what if you end back in hospital it is safe there it will give you time to rest to get that clouded thinking under control.. call and get help before it is too late. you are worth it you deserve kindness and happiness call now
  4. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i don't know that i'm fixable this time. i'm really shattered. you can't fix shattered and besides that there is nothing they can do for me there anyways.
  5. Anni

    Anni Well-Known Member

    please liz
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    uh huh i know
  7. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    the crisis line told me they would call me back in about an hour it's now been almost two. i know they're busy but still. i'm going to give this one more half hour for them to call and if they don't well....

    some of you might say well then i should call them back, but see i just can't bring myself to do that. not like anyone wants to know all this, but again i just had to share this. please just take care
  8. Anni

    Anni Well-Known Member

  9. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    Hello rhinolady,

    you really can't base your life or death on whether a hot line calls you back! those people aren't enough, you are enough and you can get help for yourself or ask for some one else to help you get help for you. I believe you'd do it for someone on this site, i've read your posts and know you are tough and smart and know that this feeling is terrible now but for sure isn't the only one you'll ever feel if you give yourself a chance to move forward again in the future,

    call them back, call someone else, be as careing for/of youself as you would be for someone else who needs help, please
  10. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    well, when things couldn't just get any worse they have. my phone has now been shut off. my "friend" said she'd pay it and apparently didn't. so now there is no means of my getting a hold of anyone. this is it.
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well I cannot relate to the whole being a broken woman part. But I can relate to the whole feeling numb. It happens to me when I am exhausted. Which is a lot... a lot more than I even thought it could be. You just need to rest, get a good nights sleep... or at least that helps alleviate the numbness for me.
  12. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    I'm here, please talk with us, stick around. I don't know if I can relate, but I feel like a broken man who has been in and out of feeling numb. I felt that way today, like I was floating outside my body, commanding it to do things and not being satisfied with the results. I forced myself to go to a movie, and talked with others in the chat before that, and now I feel a bit better.

    If you can get a bit of rest, you will feel better in the morning. Maybe not a lot, but it will help. Otherwise, I'll try to stick around as long as I can stay awake.
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