Anyone see a purpose?

Hi guys,

Sorry to waste your time reading this article, but I have a question.....

Let me tell you a little about my life. Well right now I am sitting in my bed, alone after possibly failing an exam. Tomorrow and everyday for about two weeks I have been eating my lunch/dinner alone, in my room. I'm in college and I used to have two friends, but they made fun of me. They also teamed up against me, I supposedly was never right in any argument. So I ditched them about two weeks ago and now have no one.

Im in college, not having the time of my life. Almost everyone goes to parties on the weekends, I stay in my dorm room and do nothing. I haven't had a girlfriend my entire life for longer than 2 days, which you can tell was a fluke. So no girls talk to me, I don't have any friends, and I suck at school. I probably just failed this exam I took about 30 minutes ago. I'm not good at basically any subject. I really am not good at anything. My family always argues with me, on anything. All we have to do in every situation is argue.

My self esteem also couldn't be any lower. I have acne, I am really skinny (no muscle), too tall, to sum it up I'm just an all in all ugly person. Everytime I see someone I wonder what they think of me. I try to make myself not care what others think, but then I realize that there is something about me that no one likes, which is the reason I am alone. Every situation when there could be a girl, I screw it up. Or making new friends for that matter. I have a habit of making fun of people, or making stupid complaining jokes when meeting new people (be it guy or girl). Thats part of the reason why people don't like me and there isn't a way to fix it. There is also my appearance, which I have tried to work on in the past but has proven ineffective.

I don't enjoy life at all. I have no one or anyone in my family that would even care if I was gone. Does anyone see a purpose for me to live?

 

no, no there is no purpose in life. but that doesn't mean you should kill yourself because you are "worthless" since there is no meaning in life there is no such thing as "worth". look for your kind around campus and keep in touch with us. Well think about the stuff you want to do (beside killing yourself) [also, exams? where do you live? not in the united states it seems I mean here we just started our first week!]

 

Ok sounds like me so far... go on...

I'm still identifying, don't stop...

Flagged - gotcha! You write competently, and I should know because I live to write.

Yeah I know. Me, too. By society's standards and by convention. But that's the outside of you man. Or do you see ugly qualities of character? If so, please list them.

LOL, I'm gonna tell you what. Cut you a deal: Before I call bullshit on that, please elaborate what makes you think this.

Yes. You're young and malleable; with therapy, you can learn how to change so much about yourself. With this assistance, over time you will also mature naturally.

The Porsche that is you now can be a changed man in five years. Five short years. Almost literally bro - you'd amazed at what people overcome and/or accomplish.

For now, this newly focused work on yourself can be a very compellng purpose, or reason, to keep going.

You wanna keep talking? I'm very interested. You follow up, I'll follow-up. I can't use Chat on this damnedable wretched thing (lol -it's an MSN TV 2; you can Google it), but we can dialogue here.

ToHelp

 

No I live in the United States. How is that not a good reason to commit suicide, if there is no meaning in life, if your just miserable, then why live it? Keep in touch with who?

 

because i'm not supposed to approve your decision, I undertsand exactly what you're talking about don't get me wrong we've all been there

 

ToHelp....

There isn't a way to fix this. I don't have anything to talk about unless I do make fun of people. I don't have a personality then because I have tried to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes and not be negative. I failed. So far no one has said anything close that would make me want to keep living. Yeah I guess I could work on myself, but with college there isn't enough time in my life I can devote to changing. Seems like it would be a waste of time.

 

http://www.hermetic.com/crowley/mwt/mwt_01.html

read #9 and 19
reading all of it wouldn't be bad either.

I'd recommend some sort of meditative practice in your life. Find a balance. Things like girls, school, and friends are self reflections of your life. Practice strengthening your will and you'll experience change.

 

Heya, Porsche.

Look a closer look at that sentence. Try deconstructing or rephrasing it: "I want others here to make me want to live." I'm not sure that possible. :tongue: No one else can stop you from ending your own life and no one other than you can create a unique purpose.

ToHelp

 

There is nothing worse than feeling deep down, you aren't good enough or a bad person with inherant traits which can't be changed. I would rather be really shy but deep down be something interesting, than be what I am - A well wrapped, but empty christmas present. Something people are initally excited to see, but once its open it is clear there is nothing there, and there was never anything worthwhile there to begin with.

My only advice is to do your best to be true to yourself, give your true thoughts and opinions on matters and people will naturally find you interesting, even if you think there is nothing worthwhile there. I feel the same, but I have original opinions and values .. we all do, and that's what makes us worthwhile to me, even if you may feel differently right now. Keep your chin up mate

 

I don't understand what people mean by be "true" to yourself, that just doesn't make sense to me. I do appreciate all of the reponses though. I'm not looking for someone to "care" about me through this forum, just some advice on how I can improve or change my specific problems.