anyone struggling with the "i wish i was dead" thing??

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by underdosed, May 26, 2007.

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  1. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    so my mom loves me. she really does. and i have a good school life and lots of friends. but i cant ever get past the stuff from four years ago so it doesnt make a difference. i hate therapy and meds dont do shit.

    does anyone else struggle daily with the "i dont want to be here" thing?
    i just feel like a freak and a loser
  2. ProperlyLast

    ProperlyLast Active Member

    That's all that kills me now. My past. My present is nothing but sunshine and rainbows, yet all I want is death for release. It's like no matter what happens, I end up thinking; "Why didn't I just die 2 years ago? What am I still doing here?" I realize that there are really only 2 choices, death, or complete removal of thoughts of death. Because as long as I'm stuck assuming I'm near death, I continue to further ruin what's left of my life.
  3. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    daily... you're not alone on this one. i',m still dealing with the past, present, and dreading the future. we're here for you and each other.
  4. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    i appreciate what you all have said. i know that i seem to be very young with a full life ahead of me, but ive been rock-bottom miserable for a bout five years. i have been assulted on many occasions and in an intensly abusive relationship for about 7 months. i havent been able to get past it-just to a point where living isnt the most horrible, painful thing. the thought of waiting any longer is nauseating. i just dont think that suicide is something you can bounce back from. once you step up onto the ledge, its impossible to back down. for many people, it seems that suicide is a moment of crushing weaknesss where the pain is to much so they try to kill themselves. i planned for a week and it was the happiest week i had had in five years. the end was in sight, i would finally be free. and i really dont think theres any coming back from that.
  5. hopeless

    hopeless Well-Known Member

    i agree. suicide is not something that we can get over. i've tried to kill myself numerous times and each time i think that maybe this time will be it and maybe i won't have to suffer anymore.

    i'm sorry you have to feel this way to. i guess it is just our plight in life. i've been living this way for aobut 27 years, and i stll cry to God to take my life because He won't let me do it. i've always suffered from the "i don't want to be here" or "i wish i was never born" or "please just somebody kill me because i can't take it anymore"

    if you can find a good counselor, one you can trust, and that respects you, it is at least helpful for me and something worth trying

    take good care, just know you are not alone.
  6. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    my medicine and therapy do nothing
    oh except make me feel worse and more hopeless
    its just really frustrating
  7. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I struggle with it every single day. My life seems very pointless.
  8. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i don't mean to sound discouraging but somewhat encouraging. it took nine yrs of therapy and looking for the right meds before it finally did happen. does it mean it takes that long for everyone of course not, but both can help it's just finding the right combo and the patience to endure it.

    please take care and hang in there. continue to talk as you feel you need to.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I can empathize with how you feel. It is a daily struggle and one I am not sure I will be successful with. Yet depite the hopes and wishes that I will not be here for another day, something inside me rejoices that I am still alive. It makes no sense whatsoever to me. I want the end to come so the pain ceases. But I wsh for life to continue in hopes that there will be a better day ahead.
  10. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    i know you're all right
    i know that i should want to live and be thankful that im alive and healthy and have a pretty great life
    but somehow, even tho i dont have cancer or anything, i feel like im terminally ill: almost dead with no chance or survival
  11. Asye

    Asye New Member

    At least only the past kills's good that your*present* is good...unlike some of us..
  12. dumdumgurl

    dumdumgurl Well-Known Member

    i've prayed a zillion timesfor god to takeme but he wont'. i lasted 11 days without food orwater from a massiveoverdose; barely alive when they found me.... then i had a near fatal car accident that i was blamed for but didn't do on purpose i blackedout from pain from an injury i've been out of work with. they airlifted me to the cigty hospital because my liver was laceratedand i guess your liver can bleed out faster than they can get blood into you. i also had a near fatal operation accident when my femoral artery was accidentally cut and they had to get a doc from another operating room and surgical tools to open me up and stop teh bleeding. i can't stand it and don't know why i don't just die. i have surgery coming up and i pray i have an accident and m y body just quits on the table with no hope of resusitation. why can't god just take me..... i'm not doing any good down here ande my body is messed up with scars. who's going to want me with all these scars? and they are about half an inch wide and raised up likenobody's business.

    sorry but i want death so badly and i wish it happened in a way that i don't have to do it so i cna just go. why the hell did i survive the damn car accident... why didn't they just let me die locally and not be world class super savers for such a loser like me?
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