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Anyone wanna help?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jenny:[, May 17, 2007.

  1. Jenny:[

    Jenny:[ Active Member

    Hi, my name is Jenny. I'm 18 years old, and a biology major. I've been in a relationship since about last august, it's had its ups and downs, but lately, mainly this week, i've just felt helpless. I don't know how to put my feelings into words about this, but here goes...I feel like I want to kill myself, but I don't want to die... I'm sure you can all relate to this. I have a young brother, and even though we fight, I know that my suicide would greatly affect him, and the same for my parents/family.
    Here's the juicy stuff...:wink:
    Alright, lately, I barely get to see my boyfriend. He only had to work 2 days and 2 nights a week, and recently took another "PART TIME" job for side money. He told me that it would only be a couple days a week, max. Yesterday was the only day he had off since either of us can remember, and it went well until the afternoon when his friend called and asked if he could work saturday night, which he promised he'd spend with me, but isn't because he's working the side job saturday morning. Also, he promised that the next three days he had off, he'd spend with me, but decided to work all but one. I just shutdown yesterday and didn't know what to say. He kept screaming at me to tell him what i was being like that for. I told him I didn't know how to say it, and he insisted that i was lying. This went on for about 7 hours, mainly consisting of me laying there crying and him telling me how i'm just like every other girl, and him talking about how 'crazy' i am. I am not crazy. He makes me have moodswings. He'll say something that'll make me feel like shit, and then i'll push it away and remember how much i love him, so it causes ups and downs. So he left last night because he has work today and tomorrow, and i told him i'd tell him what was wrong today. (so i could have time to put it into words) He just kept telling me that it wasn't his responsibility to help me put things into words. I asked him why he was with me then, and he said he didn't know, and maybe he'd be better off without me.
    So yeah, I told him what was wrong, and he did exactly what i thought he would do. Told me that i was too much for him right now and that he'd be better off with someone who doesn't run away from things.
    I have done all that i can for him. I make him breakfast, lunch, dinner, and if i know i'm not going to see him, i'll make him muffins or something. I never make him always pay for things, we'll switch paying for stuff, and i always get him little things and i feel like he doesn't even appriciate them.
    Everyone i know always asks me why i'm with him. I love him, more than anything, and i know that i may only be 18, but i feel like we were meant to be. We finish each others sentences, we know what each other are thinking, we have basically the same thoughts among other subjects. I don't want anyone else, I've been in love before, but nothing like this, and nothing will ever be like this. I am willing to do anything for him.
    Sorry, off track, so yeah, after telling him, and him being an ass about it, i didn't know what to do, i panicked, and i just wanted to hang myself. I told him that ireally needed someone to talk to and he blew me off, i called him twice, and the second time he picked up he told me that he was busy and hung up. He had time to talk, i know that for a fact, and all i can think of is what if i really did kill myself. What would he do? and i know he would be sad and realize that he was wrong, i want him to know that without me having to kill myself!! :unsure:
    I don't think that I am capable of killing myself, mainly because I want to live, I just need him to wake up and realize i am not the only one who is wrong sometimes. He says he wants to break up, but we have said that to each other a dozen times and we'd be fine a little later, i just hope it's like that now. I know this may seem unworthy of you're time but i would really like your opinion on this, please.:sad: I just don't know what to do. If you want more specifics, message me or post them here, thankyou.:sad:
  2. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    I dont know what you want to hear. But ill try and give you my honest opinion. I think you would be better off with out him, their is plenty of guys who would appreciate you more and respect you more. I would for sure. *hug* you sound like you can have a good future, dont know why you would want to ruin it over a boy friend. If ya dont mind me asking , how does one become a biology major at 18?
  3. Jenny:[

    Jenny:[ Active Member

    Dropped out of HS at 16, took a break, started my first semester in january, just finished this week actually.
    Thank you for the reply. I don't want another guy, he can be so sweet sometimes, and i know i can be not so sweet at times, but i'd give anything for him.
  4. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    Maybe you can take some time off from each other. A bit of space.
    An option. Could backfire though...
  5. bloodysunday

    bloodysunday Well-Known Member

    Hi Jenny

    Time out seems like a good idea to me too. Perhaps you're both in need of time out. What about your girlfriends? Perhaps you could hang out with them, go clubbing or something.

    You're a young woman now, with your whole life ahead. I've been having bloke problems too recently that have left me confused about who I am, about what I want in life.

    I sat down with 3 pieces of paper, on the 1st I wrote a list of everything good about the bloke, the 2nd everything I disliked. Then on the 3rd, I explained my reasons for the items on my other 2 lists.

    Once I had done that, I gave the 3 pieces of paper to my bloke (he did the same for me too).

    It sort of helped me, I learned thigs and so did he.

    Perhaps that could help you guys.

    You both need to really listen to each other. :grouphug: Thinking about you.

    Take care
  6. Don't break up with him if you both are in love.