Anyone who had depressed and suicidal mom?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by blank22, Feb 11, 2010.

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  1. blank22

    blank22 Account Closed


    I was wondering if any of you had a mom who was depressed.
    How did you survive your childhood and how affected your adulthood?

    I am a mom with kids.
    parenting is the most challenging work for me.
    Because of my depression and suicidal thinking.

    I want to listen to ppl's experience so I can understand what my kids are going through.

    If you are not feeling comfortable sharing with public, please PM me.
    I would really appreciate it.
  2. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    ummm well after my dad left my mum get really depressed and that was hard ummm i dont really think she was suicdal but yea her depression was hard well it was on me im the oldest and i felt like i had to take care of mum and be strong for her that was hard as i didnt get to greve my dad leaving that has defently effected me now as i now do everything posible to hide all my emotions other than happyness. and i felt like i had to grow up faster than i should have i had to to help take care of my brother and sister and also of mum. so as all my friends would be playing fun games and things i would play too but i would constantly be worrying about mum at home alone. and this has effected me now that i am a teen and i feel like i cant talk to mum because it was like she was the one who needed me to to be strong so i never learnt to turn to her when things where going bad.
    but yea idk just never forget to tell your kids how much you love them dont just expect that they no. and encorage them to talk to you i have no idea how old your kids are or the situation but this is just my experince i hope it helps.
  3. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    My mom and dad are in an unhappy marriage that has lasted almost 30 years. I'm not sure if my mom is suicidal, at least I don't think she is, but she is definitely always depressed. For starters my dad is 20 years older than my mom which should have been the first tell tale sign that it wasn't going to work out. I'm from a culture where arranged marriages are quite common and my parents' marriage is the product of that.

    My mom never seemed to get along with my dad's side of the family. They tend to be very rude and selfish people which really made my mom unhappy and depressed. Its affected her to the point where she doesn't like to deal with people, prefers to just stay at home and be a homemaker. She cooks and cleans and prays a lot. She spends all of her free time watching television. I figure its her form of escape.

    Now to your question, what the effects are on the children. I personally think that a family is only as happy as the mother in a family is. My mom who is severely unhappy has sort of set the mood of the rest of my family. Everyone is bitter, mad or sad. There really isn't a lot of communication between us now. Everyone just does their own thing, but sleeps in the same house.

    You see I don't really remember my mom encouraging me to do well in school or in sports. It was just expected. I think doing poorly would have meant me getting hit in some way. I remember my mom hitting me when I was younger for making noise and I think it was her way of taking out her frustrations from my dad on me. I don't really remember much from my younger years. I do remember days when my mom just sat on a chair and cried the entire day because of depression or something. I was really young to understand and I tried hugging her to make her feel better, but she wouldn't stop crying.

    As a kid I just really wanted time to be a kid. When my mom and dad fought or my mom was depressed, I feel I just didn't get that chance and was worried about what was up with my parents. I think its just hard to be a good parent when you clearly have other things in your mind. I feel like my self-esteem and confidence is just low now because my parents weren't raising me as they should.

    Make sure you tell your kids how much you love them. Encourage them to do well and make them understand that there is nothing wrong with failing at something. They need that assurance that things will be okay at the end of the day. Stay strong in front of them, don't cry. They need to see that their parents are stable.

    I hope my experiences can help.
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    my mother had a mother with 'emotional problems,' i wouldn't be surprised she was depressed well before her first outward breakdown where she was then punished for yelling and was then labelled/ECT'd/tranquilized as 'schizophrenic.' that was in the 60s/70's.

    from what she told me, my grandmother was very occupied with her thoughts, she needed space (understandably, i empathise with her a lot). she rejected my mother once and it hurt her so much she never approached her for emotional comfort. she was distant. she was also battered and controlled by my grandfather. so yeah. her children ( my mother, aunts and uncles) never got that emotional nurturence, so they grew up VERY emotionally unaware and with a ton of emotional and personality difficulties, one of them a hesitance to accept that people can suffer, express themselves emotionally and not be 'mentally ill' (they are shit scared of that term). i've had to be therapist/analyser for that side of the family so much over the years it has done my head in, so stay away from it all. i had to do it for my own benefit though. to know who i was dealing with.

    i feel for you. i think communication is so important, and emotions, letting your children know to listen, recognise and value their own feelings, that you have your own- how they effect you, and how it isn't their fault if they feel hurt by what you're going through. and for them to express themselves too. that's so important, otherwise feelings get bottled up and coming out in different unmanagable ways.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 18, 2010
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    My mum suffered crippling depression and still does, it had an awful effect on me and again - still does.
    I think if she had been happier I wouldn't be the way I am now, it definitely had a knock on effect.
  6. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    My mom attemted suicide when i was about fourteen, however i didnt find out about it until the next year. I didnt really feel anything i had already been planning and fantasizing for seven or eight years when i found out also my mom basically abandoned me(long story check my most recent thread to find out more) so maybe im heartless or maybe the depression had such a hold on me at that point nothing could affect me, and maybe it was because i hardly knew my mom.

    Basically what im trying to say is that it didnt really affect me, but when i did live with her from 15/16 to nearly 18 seeing the scar everyday was kinda unsettling.
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