Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by noshadow, Aug 20, 2008.

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  1. noshadow

    noshadow Well-Known Member

    What about those who cannot find a way? Who cannot find relief??
    I can't break my mind from wanting it's ending. It comes and it goes.

    My days are filled with thoughts of worthlessness, constant over using of Clons, beer. MAJOR suicidal thinking. It's like I'm air. I'm not even space taking up space....I'm nothing, not seen..not wanted

    I'm alone when I am not, and even more when I am. All that has saved me before is not saving me now.

    FUCCCCCKKKKK I need out of this now.

    Tonight, a lot of clons and a few beers but I'll wake in the morning and that pisses me off like nothing else. Still, I continue to try and find a way "out". A way for sure, that will not fail me.

    I cannot fight this fight anymore.....
  2. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    Yes the pain feels unbearable, I too wish to know the 'sure' way but there is always a degree of failure and the damages that occur may make your life worse than it already is.
    We suffering this pain all alone, yeah there are people around who are supportive like this forum or there may or maynot have support in rl but at the end we have to endure this on our own. The pain and aguish, the feelings of worthlessness, talking about to a someone on a helpline may help ease some of your feelings of suicide so they are not soo major or you can keep on posting here, we are here to listen.

    Be kind to yourself
  3. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Noshadow, have you tried hospitalization where you could be given medications under close scrutiny? I am on Valium but I was on Klonopin for years. Benzodiazepines are notorious for increasing the severity of depression but I need them for my relentless anxiety.

    I have gotten to the point of not giving a rat's rear end myself lately and have taken to sneaking some wine occasionally. I feel relief for maybe an hour but then there is always a period of double or triple that time of intensified depression. Alcohol and benzos are depressants, central nervous system depressants. They make a victim of depression feel like excrement.

    I am (almost certainly) voluntarily going into the hospital soon for up to a month having my medications adjusted and getting (gulp) ECT. It will not be fun but sometimes it is the best way to get stable and well again.

    I hope you find relief and soon! :thumbup:
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Noshadow,
    I am sorry your feeling so low! Are you in therapy? You need a good one, because they can help with your thoughts. When you go into the hospital don't forget to tell them about your irrational thoughts!!
    I have been on the forum only a couple of months and can't beleive how much we have in common with each other. Be very aware about the meds they put on you. My new shrink has put me on meds for skytzaphrania. He insists I am hearing voices! I told him atleast six times I don't hear voices that I do see things moving around in my perrifial vision.
    Don't be afraid of the unknown going into the hospital! It is very boring. The only good laugh I have had being in there is when another client comes out of his/her room butt naked. The floor techs scramble to get them back in there room. Take a couple of good books because there isn't anything to do but walk circles around the ward..Take Care and Good Luck!!!
    Now all you need to do is go to the hospital and let them know you are in crisis, and the meds aren't helping.
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