Anything but arrogance

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by molotov, Apr 20, 2010.

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  1. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    I keep hearing again and again that people think I'm arrogant, or that I think I'm too cool for everyone. I hear it from people who are close to me, and they are telling me sort of as a sympathetic heads-up "from someone who really knows you" - because people who are close to me know that I have the lowest self-esteem of basically any human.

    They cite reasons like "you don't talk much in public," "people try to talk to you and you don't notice/don't respond/don't show any enthusiasm," "you don't say hello when you walk in the room," "you never call/write/visit/etc."

    In my head this is because

    1) I can be sort of shy, especially if I am on the down-swing of my life-is-beautiful/please-kill-me-now cycle;
    2) I am really desperately oblivious and dreamy and distracted and forgetful and confused in a Case Study for Inattentive ADD (my doctor's words) kind of way;
    3) I don't always understand people when they speak German or non-native English and that embarrasses me;
    4) I don't want to draw attention to myself or bother other people;
    5) sometimes I just don't have anything to say.

    But it comes across as arrogant, apparently, which to me is both HILARIOUSLY IRONIC and something that I don't know if I can do anything about. And that makes me so sad, because if there is one thing I don't want to project it is arrogance, not when I am fighting an uphill battle against "too embarrassed and full of self-loathing to live."

    Has anyone else come across this? Any advice?
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    If you know yourself, like you do, then try and let comments like 'arrogance' slide off you. I know that is hard, seeing as you have self esteem problems, but you could think about why certain people call you arrogant. Is it because they envy you? Is it because they see arrogance as a negative thing? Is it because you give off an air of self confidence (without knowing it, maybe you do have it already), which is intepreted as threatening? Is it because you don't take part in social etiquette and that makes them feel hurt, neglected and causes gross personal injuries?

    Those comments might have more to do with them, and their lack of understanding or even wanting to understand your behaviour. Who is arrogant there?

    Have you tried to let them know the whys? Or are these not-close-friend type of people?
  3. Theseus

    Theseus Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you mean. I do the same a lot of the time.
    Except I do use arrogance as a shield from time to time to put distance between myself and someone else.
    I don't have advice on how to remedy your situation. I tried telling people bluntly that I am socially impaired, but that has had an adverse effect in some of my social circles.
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