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Anything I do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pepe, Aug 14, 2008.

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  1. Pepe

    Pepe Member

    Funny thing today, i just realized that i have spent 2.5 years in therapy and haven't improved at all. I have this constant feeling of being a complete failure that cant do or get anything right and i simply cannot shake it off no matter what i try. Because of it I haven't had any friends or pretty much any kind of relationship with other human beings for many years. I get so nervous around people that most of the time i cant even talk to them. The feeling follows me even at night which means sleeping is extremely difficult. Lately i have been thinking about suicide, but I don't think I am very serious about it at this point. I am very afraid of death and every time i hit rock bottom i get some kind of positive thought that lifts me up. The thing is though, i have been doing this for so long that I feel that i actually should commit suicide even though I don't want to and am afraid of it. I have been trying for so long to get out of this situation without any success that it just feels that going on with this kind of life isn't really worth it and there is nothing better for me in the future except more of the same shit.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 14, 2008
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Pepe,
    I know how you feel when it comes to commiting suicide. You may never get rid of the thoughts but you can learn to live with it. I like to think of it this way: I have put those thoughts behind a glass window, because I know they are always there. I have learned to look at them but not act on them.
    It takes alot of hard work with a therapist to learn how to cope with them. I have learned alot from her, but there are certain things I haven't talked about. She is trying to get me to look for a new girlfriend. I tell her that is not going to happen because I refuse to give anyone the chance to hurt me again!!
    The last time when we split up I commited but woke up the next day with a headache, my ankles, feet, and hands were all swollen up. And no one even gave a shit!! My ex was spending her time with the guy she was getting her cocaine from. Her youngist one was at the house but never thought to check on me. Sorry I got off subject.
    Why don't you attend evening classes with a church of your choice. It isn't for everyone but I do know when I see people later, they are all smiles. Or you could join a group for depression so you get use to talking to people with others around. Good Luck And Stay Safe!!!
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't listen to those feelings which suggest that it's better you commit suicide. The future both near and far are untold, i'm sure you have a good future ahead of you. It isn't worth throwing that away. You only still seem in some sense positive, which is something that is needed in order to go on.
  4. Pepe

    Pepe Member

    Tell you the truth i don't think my thoughts about suicide are that big of a deal, thinking about suicide actually relaxes me these days. Before i would always try to think of ways to get out of this situation that never worked and it seems that i am completely exhausted at this point. I think its good to know that there is at east one way out of this shitty situation.
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