Funny thing today, i just realized that i have spent 2.5 years in therapy and haven't improved at all. I have this constant feeling of being a complete failure that cant do or get anything right and i simply cannot shake it off no matter what i try. Because of it I haven't had any friends or pretty much any kind of relationship with other human beings for many years. I get so nervous around people that most of the time i cant even talk to them. The feeling follows me even at night which means sleeping is extremely difficult. Lately i have been thinking about suicide, but I don't think I am very serious about it at this point. I am very afraid of death and every time i hit rock bottom i get some kind of positive thought that lifts me up. The thing is though, i have been doing this for so long that I feel that i actually should commit suicide even though I don't want to and am afraid of it. I have been trying for so long to get out of this situation without any success that it just feels that going on with this kind of life isn't really worth it and there is nothing better for me in the future except more of the same shit.